IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (meaning: My warped, personal opinions and musings.)

From the Author

Salutations.

I am JaiChai.

And if I haven't had the pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm delighted t meet you now.

As the 2019 Veteran's Day draws near, I am reminded of a Veteran's Day from many years ago.

A very close friend of mine - who had served in the U.S. Army - was going through what must've been a Hellish ordeal.

While on active duty she was brutally assaulted by someone who was both her senior ranking officer and - prior to the event - had been a trusted mentor.

In spite of protests from the Defense Attorney, the day before Veteran's Day was the day scheduled for her to confront her alleged assailant in the public legal arena.

Understandably, having recovered physically from the attack, my friend desperately wanted justice for all her inner grief, the altered public perception of her, and the devastating effects on her psyche (i.e., the diminished, introspective thoughts of personal security, shattered self-esteem and a general, ever-pervasive paranoia over all strange people and unknown settings).

But she was now having transient second thoughts about going through with it all.

I couldn't imagine what horrors she dreamt of, or how many spontaneous mental tug-of-wars tortured her daily.

She was still angry and of course, sought rightful lawful retribution (if there is such a thing).

Bolstering her fragile resolve was that maybe, just maybe, prosecuting the alleged assailant might prevent other victims from suffering the same frightening and demeaning experience in the future.

I listened, letting her say all the things she couldn't tell anyone else - not even her close relatives (whom had never spent a day in uniform).

When she finished off-loading, here's what I told her:

[...Not knowing what the end results of the upcoming trial will be, I still need you to listen carefully to these things I've learned from my many more years on this Earth than you - especially about situations similar to yours.

And although it might anger you and many others, inciting a flood of hate-mail or threatening rebuttals, I hope you think about my message to you.

Think. Think hard.

In the end, from my perspective molded by many exposures to wrongful, evil acts around the world, the only cure for the victim is forgiveness.

Forgiveness and love heals more effectively and much faster (amazingly, sometimes instantly) than obsessively seeking justice or revenge.

Yes, for the sake of potential future victims, all wrongdoers "should" be called out and punished.

But life can be cruel and leave many obvious injustices "seemingly" unanswered. And who knows? We may never see or know what happens to those evil people in the future.

Remember that karma is a powerful thing.

And the universe ALWAYS makes sure every good or bad deed is rewarded in kind.

Please, whatever happens at the end of this litigation, try your best to forgive, love, and move on - FOR YOUR SAKE, not for the offender's well-being.

Why torture yourself?

It would weigh heavily on my mind if you can't or won't at least try to remotely, within your own mind, forgive.

While you're at it, forgive everyone in your life who has ever slighted you or hurt your feelings up 'till now.

You don't need to confront or notify those people face-to-face about your decision to forgive. It can be your own little secret.

Because, let's face it.

Whether you forgive or not, there's never a guarantee of justice that you or I will ever see; but there is a fair chance that the other person will go about his business without ever thinking of you again.

That leaves you as the only person suffering. And that really sucks, doesn't it?!

But if you forgive, love, and move on, you can be sure that at least YOU will not be the sufferer anymore. Why waste more precious time on what may end up to be a fruitless, futile effort of revenge.

Not really sure where I heard this, but I believe it: "...those seeking revenge often end up resorting to the same tactics and behavior of their assailants."

Ultimately, "Living well" is the best revenge, no?

And I don't want you to make the same mistake I did:

I subconsciously carried around an invisible 65+ lb. ALYCE pack (Oops sorry, you're Army - a heavy Rucksack) full of bad feelings and memories on my war-weary shoulders for too many wasted, unhappy years.

Nobody can sustain carrying that kind of emotional weight for any length of time without suffering untold injuries - not you, not me, not even Atlas.

And you know what's really f*cked-up about living like that?

You eventually get conned into believing that you deserve it - totally unworthy for happiness.

Why?

You haven't forgiven yourself.

That's right, you heard me right.

You are still beating yourself up over something you did in the past where now, you feel was f*cked-up.

Get over it.

Hindsight is always 20/20.

You did the best you were capable of doing under the freakin' circumstances.

Believe me when I tell you that lugging around that kind of burden will give you a host of health problems and leave you chronically drained and cranky.

Again, I beg you to not waste one second of your young life on sh*t like that. It's really not worth it.

Give forgiveness a try.

You got nothing to lose and potentially limitless joy, peace, and an indescribable re-connection to your loved ones - and humanity as a whole - to gain.

Of course, you can blow me off and tell me to go to Hell. But I hope you don't.

My prediction is that you'll feel a whole lot lighter if you give an honest try at forgiveness.

SBRTA - Standing By, Ready To Assist.

Namaste, my very special, very strong friend.

JaiChai

(End of conversation)]

Epilogue:

Shortly after giving her that message, the Gulf war happened and I never knew what the verdict was.

My own life had been OBE - Overcome By Events - and of course, I stupidly lost all means of staying in touch .

Many years later, right out of the blue, I was contacted by her.

Apparently, she had seen a story I published online and immediately sent a wonderful four-word-email that told me she was - and will always - be just fine.

It read: "You were right, thanks."

Wishing All of My Online Friends a Heartwarming Veteran's Day!

About the Author

He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water.

He spends his days on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.

Parting Shot -