I think I just wanna share my thoughts somewhere before I start tackling those household chores.

I have a class of fourth graders. About seven are rowdy and boisterous. I always have a hard time managing their behaviour, which then eats into learning time.

So, yesterday, I called up a student’s father in the middle of a lesson because his son was being disruptive. He had a word with his son. I thought I would seize the opportunity, kept his son back after dismissal, wrote a note that summarized his son’s disruptive behaviour and sent it to the father.

I think he didn’t mind that I had called him. But somehow, my note ruffled his feathers. It turned out that he had a word with the vice-principal.

Which explained why I was being hauled into her office.

She was quite empathetic about the situation. Listened to me unload about the challenges I have been facing with this class. She said stuff like she is not slighting the problems I have with this class but I would need to do better so as not to devolve my power away. She suggested reward systems and behavioral contracts, both of which I have yet to try out.

In the midst of the exchange, tears almost welled up in my eyes as I explained how trying to get the sixth graders to pass their national exam has left me with little headspace to do other things. I didn’t realise the emotional toll I have been carrying these few months.

I slept well last night. Now, as I’m typing this, I guess I am still trying to figure out how I feel about this situation. In a previous school, I had a Special Educational Needs Office be attached to ALL my lessons with a graduating class. I honestly don’t see why I should be the one to try to turn the class atmosphere around when other colleagues are given “easier” classes. I don’t think that it is fair.

But then, during the exchange with her, she mentioned aspirational stuff like what I envision my classroom to be and acknowledged that I would have to undergo discomfort if I wanted to revamp my teaching ways. It is like she had anticipated my resistance and sought to address those points of contention during our chat. So, I feel like I am being checkmated haha

I don’t know if I am expressing myself well enough. But it was good to let go of these swirling thoughts in my mind. Maybe the emotional toll has been transferred onto this online space? I’m not too sure. MeBut thanks for reading me