Derek claims he was just following orders. Superior orders. Which, as anyboy who has visited 1948 knows, is not a great defence. Nor has it been a great defence since Pietro di Hagenbach, also known as Pierre d’Archambaud, also known as Pierre d'Aquenbacq, was beheaded for war crimes on the May 9th 1474. Reminding Derek of Peter serves to focus his attention. Momentarily, at least. Decapitation has that affect, or effect, Derek is never quite sure.
With focused attention Derek can achieve great things.
After realising his entire scheme was a Pump and Dump scam, I needed to know more. This scheme, most likely, involved me in some pivotal role. For self protection, I was interested. For intellectual curiousity, I was interested. For the possibility that the entire caper might work, I was interested. The enitre concept of pumping up the interest and then dumping all the assets was, it has to be said, a fairly straight forward criminal matter. All very straight forwards.
This was different. The Blockchain is, for Derek, Time. The Ledger is a Pub Crawl in Leeds in the 1980s. The Non-Fungible Tokens, built on the top of that must, surely, be the experiences across Leeds. Derek, with uncharacteristic reticence, has not revealed anything of the Non-Fungible Tokens. It would distort the Market, Derek announced, and that would give scalpers and rogues the opportunity to defraud the community. When I pointed out that he, Derek, was hoping to defraud the community he, Derek, was visibly offended.
I will be bringing a one time scam to the Market. A one time, unique, exciting, innovative, and honest scam, remarked Derek, not some hokum snake oil. Without missing a beat, Derek continued, this scam is not going to harm anybody. It might ruffle the feathers of those who suppose the are better than others and it will blow the gaff on Punk but nobody will really get ripped off.
I was less sceptical than, say the Chief Constable of Greater Manchester, or I ought to be, or a Wary Investor. If anything I might be honest and announce that I was gullible. Gullible because I asked: how can you have a scam where nobody gets ripped off. The realisation came as Derek began his patois patter. It was something akin to a Punch and Judy performance.
The Blockchain Ledger, announced Derek, forms the backbone recording a series of historical events. His chosen even was Thursday Nights in a Leeds Pub in the 1980s. This was a serious choice. Since attending a Pub allowed gossip. Derek always said he liked to go down the pub, drink beer, smoke fags and talk shite. The talking shite part would, in Pubs in the 1980s, often turn to music. Which meant punk. Which meant the Greatest Punk Gigs Of All Time. Invariably, Derek said, someone would mention June 4th 1976: the Sex Pistols at the Lesser Free Trade Hall Manchester. By talking to the regulars across fourteen pubs in Leeds, Derek had tracked down every single attendee at the 1976 Gig. Not only did Derek know all of their names but had all of the evidence required to name them.
The only problem was, Derek chundered wistfully, how to encrypt it all.
The June 4th 1976 Gig by the Sex Pistols was in a venue, The Lesser Free Trade Hall, that can hold, at maximum, one hundred and fifty people, four hundred if you break regulations to stack them high. Thousands of people have claimed to have been there. Derek announced that exactly forty two people were there - excluding the bands. Derek had a meticulous ledger of attendees. It listed names, identifying features, special remarks. Among the attendees, four people had recording devices. Derek was quite proud that he had a definite track listing for the evening. This, it transpires, is a key to determining who was, in fact, there. Derek proudly announces the support band were Solstice. Derek rarely expands on the Solstice. Derek rarely expanded on his definitive guest list.
The track list was, according to Derek, in order: Did You No Wrong, No Lip, Seventeen, (I'm Not) Your Stepping Stone, New York, Whatcha Gonna Do About It, Submission, Satellite, No Feelings, No Fun, Substitute, Pretty Vacant, Problems, and No Fun. The second version of No Fun was mangled, distorted, more than simply a cover. It was a recreation of the Stooges' original. Derek swells with pride when he lists the track list. Derek swelling with pride is a dangerous experience. It often precedes Derek rambling for hours.
Bootlegs of concerts in the 1970s were a fraught affair. Venue security was wont to be incredibl: summarily throwing people out of venues and confiscating recorders or simply trashing the hallowed object. Recorders were, comparatively, bulky. The acoustics of venues needed care in balancing microphone inputs, which would never happen with a tape recorder hidden under a seat. The tapes used were, invariably, two sided: C30, C60, C90, C120. Their durations being halved and every bootleg would have some kind of gap where the tape was flipped. Cheap tapes would rust quickly, rendering a poorly stored recording useless after a cold, damp winter. The C120, although two hours long, was never really trusted by the Bootlegger. It was 'too thin' or 'snapped too often'. The C120 was for recording off the radio and nothing more.
Popping back to June 4th 1976 with a professional digital camera or recording equipment, Derek explains, is not really possible. Someone, whom Derek refuses to name, filmed the entire thing. Thus making subterfuge a little bit more difficult. The film, sold in Newton-le-Willows was the key, Derek muttered, the key to pumping and dumping. Using the film, Derek could identify every living person at the Gig and so ensure the Root Record of Chronocrypto was secure. Like a remark about Angela Merkel.
When I mentioned that Derek had referred to both Cryptochrono and Chronocrypto, he did not miss a beat. With an endearing smile and a generous wave Derek swelled with pride: there are two names for the Blockchain Ledger Currency because there was an ontological bifurcation. Exchanging Darwin Notes for Jane Austin Notes on 1st March 2018 and then again changing Darwin Notes for Florence Nightingales on 20th May 1994 proves that the bifurcation had happened. Derek, with a vile grin, rattled onwards: the ontological bifurcation guaranteed that the Temporal Block Chain Forked. The Fork enabled the duplicated exchange of Darwin Notes. In one blocks universe the Pump and Dump can happen and in an other blocks universe the Pump and Dump does not happen.
Derek took a pause to look utterly triumphant.
I can commit a crime in One Universe and be innocent in an Other Universe, announced Derek. The Pump and Dump just needs the pumping to take place before the ontological bifurcation and the dumping to take place afterwards and then, which is the clever part, the consensus mechanism covers up the Pump and Dump. The consensus mechanism for this Blockchain is reality itself. This is clever stuff. Without missing a beat, something Derek was becoming good at, Derek announced: and the key to it all was getting mugged.
Sometimes, it occurs to me that I have been missing something obvious. Here, in a caravan in Wales, during the resurgence of the Pandemic, I am getting the feeling that something obvious was missing. Surrounded by the big, light blue, hardback, Central Electricity Generation Board Diaries, I am beginning to think that Derek might well be some kind of evil genius. The Crytptochrono and Chronocrypto references and their dependence on breaking the entire Universe just to scam people seems the kind of out of proportion thing an evil genius might do. The superior orders defence of his actions also made it seem that Derek was just an evil genius with an out of control plan.
More than all of that, I realised: I am Derek.
