My previous phone died (Yeah I'm sure you got very upset and couldn't sleep at night 😄). Well I needed money to buy a new one. The problem is that the money was in Crypto, mostly ETH, dispersed in different wallets. The back up phrases for Trust wallet and Metamask? Well you guessed it... 🕳️ So I was forced to open my PC after 5 years or so. Now I have post traumatic stress disorder, but that's another story. 

So, I tried using Kucoin and Binance. Enter the verification code sent to your email and the one from Google Authenticator! Okay, after reading for 3 hours and trying 5 different ways to get on PC, it ... didn't work. 

Then I put my helmet, call my cat for help and start digging in order to find the legendary SM T310. And 3 seconds later, my search paid off. The immortal alien tool was sitting half a meter away. Wondering if it can move or the. Illuminati are inside my house 😵

I put it on the charger and the battery is full! What a mystery... Anyway, after some hacking acrobatics 🪓 I manage to add the needed Gmail account (have I told you I had around 100 emails back in the SEO days?). 

There is only one thought in my mind. What a bad boy I was and rooted my tablet 🦠 Yes, I confess it was to block ads, make the CPU run faster and other unspeakable experiments. And Google doesn't like rooted devices. Oh and don't even ask about Crypto wallets.

So, I perform a delicate operation trying to hide the root. Also did a factory reset and installed a custom ROM from a stranger that was last updated in 2017. And start downloading... 🛐

I opened Trust wallet first and a big warning window saying "Your device is rooted, your wallet is in danger. Uninstall it immediately!" appeared. 🆘

I close it, the warning, not the wallet of course 🤖 and open Binance. After having to go through 10 verifications in order to confirm that I was using a new device, I got in. Guess what...

In the end, after performing some more acrobatics 🤸 and asking my cat to pray, I manage to get into the Google Authenticator. It's fucking empty 🔲! I order the cat to start sniffing around for the back up code. And lo and behold, I found one, the one for Binance. The other ones? Wondering if my cat ate them 🤔.

I get back on Trust, send some of my "0.5 untouchable ETH that I would never sell no matter what" and send it to Binance. Put for sale, 2 seconds pass and nothing. I put another order 12 dollars lower than the market price. 2 seconds pass, nothing. 🪡🧵🧶 Imagine if I wasn't a patient man.

Fuck it, let's put it on Market price instead of Spot. Sold immediately. I do the same trying to convert USDT to EUR. Again, put it on Market price. Now we talking... Well technically I don't have a single cent in my pocket yet, but you know...

💵💴💶💷

Go and ask for withdrawal. And for the first time Binance says something about SMS verification which I don't have if you remember. 🧱

Settings, Apps, Force Stop, clear cache. Then go Manage Space, clear all tablet cache. 🧹Some other ridiculous tricks 🧻 and back on PC. Withdraw, Success!

🎇🎉🎊🌟💥🍾🥂🌋💊💉🚬

By the way still haven't uninstalled the wallets from the rooted tablet 🪱Wondering if I can do any alchemies 👹

So, the moral lesson is ... there are two kind of men in this world, those who post YOLO memes etc and those who put all their wallets in a rooted device with an unknown operating system that hasn't worked for years. 

🩲🕶️🏧🚾⚕️🃏🤿🏍️🚓🚓🚓🚓🚓✌️🚑🔚