Elon Musk Creates "Soylent Green" Coin To Bring Environmentally Friendly Anti-People Crypto To The World - Satire

Say it isn't so.

"It isn't so".

But, should it be? I mean, Elon dumps on Doge, Dumps on Bitcoin, makes it clear he is a nasty market mover, and then pops back in to say he wants to improve the Doge network, and really, I mean REALLY, people start pumping it all over again. It's like watching the crowd at a tennis match instead of the tennis match, bc it is hypnotic to view a unison sea of heads bobbling to and fro, unaware of their symbiotic relationship. The easily led coerced by their master; a strange twist in the freedom-hugging world of crypto.

On that note, Elon having tested the waters, realizing he can pretty much say and do anything and the negative attention will just build more support, announced today that he has just created a Doge hard fork cryptocurrency, if that is possible, and he has named it Soylent Green. 

Confident that no one will research what that means, and the few of us who remember, will be well 'served' by Elon, as his coin is designed to "serve all of humanity".

Equally confident the environmentalists placing pressure on his rocket-fuel sucking, lithium battery mining wasteful mogul of an enterprise will be distracted by the "green" in the name, Elon moves forward briskly and has already secured enough earnings to be the first billioniare to actually OWN the moon and all rights of name use forthwith. Therefore, when Doge and Soylent moon, he will collect a royalty for your saying so.

Soylent Green is mined by natural emissions from dying people; a perfect balance of environmentalism and virtue signalling that he understands we are all bad, breathing is bad, living is bad, eating is bad and making money is bad. So, what better way to make more money than to shame those who do so.

I love satire. It allows me to say things to the very extreme that they are deserved, all while being ridiculous in exactly the proper pauper manner.

Today has been a good day. Not because the market was good... it wasn't. Not because I necessarily accomplished anything remotely close to my goals. I did not. But, I wrote a lot, I read a lot, I learned a lot, and I exercised my right to free speech, and though I am not currently quantifying that on the blockchain, I sure wish to.

Mining for Soylent Green uses the actual souls of commoners to pay for transaction fees, making it environmentally sound, zero carbon, and only bares a permanent blemish on one's afterlife while causing no harm in their present earthly form. If that isn't enough to sell you, Elon also secured a deal with the Pope, purchasing a permanent access pass from purgatory to heaven, just in case he does actually die someday during the transition period to posthumanism, making Elon's prayer candle the most expensive ever to be lit, and all of this because of the success of a picture of a dog.

Don't believe me? GOOD, then you are still utilizing a working part of your brain, and you have the power to continue to do so in the weeks and months to come, when the market pushes Doge to $10 at the nearing of a Coinbase listing. Suddenly more access is encouraging for a coin that can literally never run out of a supply, and because that makes no economic sense, it is almost guaranteed to happen.

Go buy Soylent Green while it is still pumping at its first listing. You want to pay a premium or risk becoming a part of the network, and that is bad for ALL of us. You see, much like everything Elon touches in crypto, you're only safe if you pay at the top and lose your value every time he opens up.

I do not condone, participate in, or guarantee any facts in the creation of this farce. Go and do your homework.

NOW you get it.

And on that note, crypto Gordon Freeman prays repentance and returns to his accounting... I mean for now... out.

Oh, and NOT to be confused with this:


Also, if there is Soylent Green coin out there... shame on you, this is not about that, and whatever.

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Hi! I'm Gordon Freeman (I hear they made a likeness of me in some video game... totally unrelated... or...).

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