2019 has been a rough year. I could leave it at that and be on my way and anyone who knows me personally would not argue the point.
I suffer from depression and severe anxiety, but I’m not typically Debbie Downer. It’s just not in my nature to allow things to sit under my skin and make me jaded. I’ve been there in the past and it’s a hole I would rather not climb out of again.
Some days are harder than others.
I’ve seen it written many places this year and am sure I’ve espoused it myself. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to fake it til you make it. Inevitably, there will come a time when you have to do more.
Even though I try not to take up residence in the dumps, the statement, “look on the bright side”, irritates me almost irrationally. Sometimes, there is no bright side to the situation you’re dealing with, and being told to do so, just forces you to feel things are darker than they might actually be. The same goes for, “someone has it worse.”
Yes, Karen, I’m sure someone else somewhere on this planet is dealing with a metric crap ton more than I am right this second. But that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to feel what I’m feeling. No one has the right to tell you how to feel, period.
The key is not taking the doom and gloom as a permanent standpoint.
I could express with gusto how much this year has sucked for me and my family. There are times I rant about how fucked up things are, but that’s not my default setting. We can’t allow the negative and just downright shitty things that occur in our lives to shape our everyday.
Instead, I’ve been thinking of the positive happenings in my life this year. I began writing full-time again after a break I didn’t mean to take. It’s been a struggle, I’ll admit. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything and I can only go up from here.
Writing consistently has helped in numerous areas of my life. It allows me to work from home and raise our son without being forced to find child care. It allows me to moderately contribute to my family’s finances. Each of us has to find something in our lives that brings us feelings of accomplishment.
Feeling accomplished and even proud of something we’ve done goes a long way to pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps.
We don’t need an entire month devoted to reminding ourselves what we’re thankful or grateful for, though it is nice to stop and take a moment. When depression and anxiety seep into your day to day life, it’s important to conjure those good things regularly.
When we know and accept our limits, we take the first step in managing our depression and anxiety. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to take a moment and simply breathe.
