Hi everyone. well it has been 4 days of anxiety, worry and love. Two days ago my wife came to me and said lets talk . She said she forgives me and she knows that I love her. Its hard when you love so unconditionally and don't get the same back .That's what I did to her , I was so afraid to love unconditionally that it was blocking her from feeling my love for her at all. I cried on the blow up mattress for  two nights. I kept  asking the universe/ god to help me break the cycle of been afraid to  love that way again. On the second night still crying,  it was like I was back there , that night I walked into my bedroom  and caught my 1st cousin(very close friend) having sex with my ex-wife(wife at the time). I felt my heart been ripped out of my chest , my breathe going in slow motion. My world ended as I knew it that night, my childhood dream of having just one daddy and one mommy for my children( like I had it in life ) was gone. That night I left my ex( taking my  two children with me )and went to my mothers. I did not sleep for two days, I was just breathing and reflecting back on my life up to that point. Imagine thinking your whole life was based on a lie. I remember thinking this is not what I want for my children(two girls), I don't want them to think its ok for family or friends to do them dirty like this.  I told my children that it would be ok. I never once bad mouthed my ex in front of my girls( hardest thing I have ever done in my life).  The betrayal of my family member , that was the hardest for me because I was raised to believe it does not matter what family does to you , you must above all else  have their backs no matter what. Well for me in that moment I knew that what I was raised to believe was not the truth or the right/ honorable thing. I did not think that this pain I felt was ok or forgivable. From that moment on I did not trust anyone anymore. So when I meant my wife , I told myself you can love , but you most always be ready for the betrayal. I was sooooo wrong to think that way. Humans need to love  unconditionally ,that is the way it is meant to be. We are at our best when we love unconditionally. So while I was crying I decided it was time to face that pain again. Except this time I was going to embrace it, feel it, live in it. After awhile of living in the pain, I felt this peace come over me. Like a huge weight was lifted off of me. I knew in that second that it was ok , I was ok . I felt my wife's love in my heart , I felt my love for her reaching out for her. I told my wife that I was sorry for not giving her that unconditional love back , and I promised her that I would not hold any love back anymore. This is what it means to truly love someone, you most never give up on them or yourself. You know I have been through a lot of pain in my life and I believe without our pain we would not grow and evolve. So tonight I am happy to say , my wife and I are still together, still loving and evolving together. That is what life is all about, taking hard  times and turning them into learning, growing spiritually  moments. I promise my stories wouldn't always be all drama ,lol. Well its 10:20 pm here , its time for this man to take his ass to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow to do some stock trading . I like to be on my trading platform at 6 am and check out the news headlines before the stock market opens. On that note, may your life give you smiles, laughter, and love.