Seeking a damaged soul.

Applications open Oct. 15. 

Minimum requirements: the successful candidate must be damaged and broken and incapable of receiving love, even from self. Must have a record of people-pleasing at the cost of own energy, and a postgraduate degree in self-sabotage. 

Duties: Your duties will include refraining from any deep and meaningful conversations, engaging in toxic behaviour with your fellow damaged souls, and avoiding any and all attachments. 

Documents: please attach a CV, a cover letter, the contact info for three referees who won't prioritize writing a letter for you, as well as a certification of your damaged soul and send the documents to [email protected], cc'ing Brenda from the corporate office.