The Roman poet, Ovid,  described the Minotaur as being "part man and part bull". This raised a definite problem for the diligent Chef: avoiding cannibalism. While a steak from the Minotaur might seem a delightful midweek treat, this must be balanced with the danger of feasting on human flesh and thereby being condemned to roam the world as a hideous zombified ghoul.

The secret to Minotaur steaks is planning. The Minotaur Hunter knows their prey lies at the centre of a labyrinth: a complex maze concealing, at the centre, the brute Beast. The secret to labyrinth navigation is a ball of wool. Forget global positioning satellites and modern technological fads. You are hunting a mythical animal and those sort of things are not guaranteed to work. A ball of wool, fed out as one travels the confusion of the labyrinth is far more useful than any kind of Babbage Engine or Turing Machine.

The Minotaur is traditionally beheaded and the head taken to be exchanged for the freedom of a kingdom. This is not really the objective of the Chef about town. The Chef is more concerned with what cuts of the Minotaur are available for cooking. It turns out that the main cuts available - the ones avoiding cannibalism - are chuck, brisket, round, and, for the skilled and careful butcher, a narrow sirloin band. Much like the preparation of the Japanese Puffer Fish, there is a huge risk in the Minotaur Sirloin. Imagine, one moment feasting on a delicious tri-tip steak and the next, ignobly chowing down on the random innards of your kith, kin or worse - a local celebrity.

In deference to the very real dangers with Minotaur steaks, I have gone for a Flat Iron Steak recipe which avoids, except for the most clumsy of cooks, triggering a cannibal, zombie apocalypse. Flat Iron Steak, also know as top blade steak, top bleade fillet, and should top blade, is cut from the shoulder of the Minotaur. It is possible to nick a bit of human meat but, for even the most clumsy butcher, stick to slicing above the actual shoulder blade and nothing should detract from the marbling of beefy flavours that make Minotaur Steak such a tender and juicy dish.

The distinction between Flat Iron and Flank is reflected in their ideal cooking methods: both steaks benefit from marinading. The Flat Iron is a thicker, denser cut of beef, and so, is best when cooked to just medium rare. Cooking beyond medium detracts from the taste. Flat Iron Minotaur steaks cry out for a gentle marinade and a rare cooking. Why risk a zombie apocalypse on an overcooked steak.

Serves 4.

• 1 1/2 pound Flat Iron Steak. 1/2 inch thick
• 1 minced clove garlic
• 1 tablespoon stone-ground mustard
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 1/2 cup Whiskey (From a Highlands or Islands Distillery, not a supermarket).
• 2 teaspoons sea salt
• 1/2 teaspoon coarse ground black pepper
• 2 tablespoons butter at room temperature

After hunting and butchering your Minotaur, which is best done in the Labyrinth, take your fresh steak and hang for twenty one days. This ages the meat and lets you know if the cut contains any human meat that might attract zombies. It is, therefore, best to hang the steak in a well defended fridge.

Once the meat has aged, gather your ingredients. Twenty one days ought to be sufficient time to identify a really nice distillery and sample their whiskey. Do not be tempted by Kentucky or Irish distillates. While marvellous in their own right, they cannot do Minotaur steaks justice.

Score the steak with diamond cuts. Be careful to avoid sigils or runes that might summon something or other as the steak is cooked. Nothing worse than kicking off that zombie apocalypse right in the middle of a meal. Mix the garlic, mustard, oil, whiskey, salt, and pepper together in small bowl. The garlic is optional, but does deter vampires and other creatures of the night from disturbing your meal.

Place steak and marinade into a deep, earthenware pot. Make sure the entire steak is well coated in the marinade, seal the pot and place in the refrigerator for at least eight hours and up to twenty four, if possible.

Preheat the grill to medium high. If you are burning the village of your enemies, select a small hovel and ensure that the ashes are medium high. Cooling the heat with the blood of village elders does get the heat down but runs the risk of summoning demons of the land. This is entirely at your own risk.

Remove the steak from the marinade and place onto a grille. Cooking for about six to seven minutes per side. Brush liberally with butter from time to time. Again, to avoid the dangers of zombie apocalypse, carry this out in silence to avoid chanting. Once the meat has reached the desired colour of cooking, remove from the grille and allow the meat to rest for five minutes.

Once rested, cut the steak against the grain of the meat and serve.

For more herbal notes, use a tablespoon of thyme or rosemary, or even a combination of both but make sure you consult a grimoire to avoid summoning something that might want to devour your liver or sanity.

Servings: 4
Amount per serving
Calories 625
% Daily Value*
Total Fat 34g 43%
Saturated Fat 10g 52%
Cholesterol 150mg 50%
Sodium 1308mg 57%
Total Carbohydrate 12g 4%
Dietary Fiber 1g 3%
Protein 49g
Calcium 102mg 8%

*The % Daily Value (DV) tells you how much a nutrient in a food serving contributes to a daily diet.
2,000 calories a day is used for general nutrition advice.

Not suitable for Dionysian rites. If in doubt consult your Physick or Food Taster. Unsuitable for Vegetarians.