I've become more alone than before. Loneliness has overwhelmed me. I can't get out.

I blow out my youth through the window. I become smoke. I smoke. I've been emptying myself every minute for a while. I forgot how to live.

When no one needs you. Creditors are after you. The only way is to retreat and run away. Like cowards.

They make people my age work hard. Time comes and goes and things go well.

Now I need to be alone more. Juan is used to my absence. There is no need in the family. Little Sherwin forgets quickly. When he asks his mother, she says that your father is away on a trip or dead. He doesn't say that I'm hiding in a dilapidated shed like cowards. This shed is the house of Radin, a fellow university student. He went outside. He gave me the key. Sometimes I come to water the flowers. Juan doesn't know. He doesn't know where I am.

The only hope is the play. I'm writing. If I sell, I'll pay the creditors. If it's sold.

I sat down on an old wooden chair at the table. I started writing. Sometimes the pen gets weak. It gets weak with cigarettes. Sometimes I spill tea. I clean myself with cigarettes.

My life is in three things: tea. Cigarettes. Plays. I don't know where hope comes from. It just has to end. Sell.

Plays have to be a little real. The rest is surreal. Our lives don't need to be retold. Something supernatural is more attractive.

Like a Frida Kahlo painting. Supernatural. Real doesn't work.

Well, the shed is near the sea. I get alone, I go to the beach. I walk. I light a cigarette. I drown in the beauty of the sea. I get inspired. I go back to the table. I write. Here I am just myself. No one walks on my soul.

Juan is jealous of Mania. What is a small picture to be jealous of? Mania is dead. I don't have it. Why does the photo bother him?

Poor Shervin goes to friends' houses because of me and my mother. Or he leaves the baby Juan somewhere. He draws a line around me. I'm left alone.

At least I left them alone. They live more easily without me. No one lives with art. Here I live with my art. I don't care about anyone. Sometimes I lie on the couch. I close my eyes behind my eyelids. My eyes are open. Waiting for a miracle.

The shore of my mind is stormy. The wind blows. The waves behind my eyelids. Let's pass. Let's hear from the mud. Every morning the dew slides on my cheek.

Sooner or later the police will find me. They will arrest me. They will take me to jail. I will drink cold water. I will finish the play anyway. I will sell it. There is no income from acting in the theater. I don't count.

Sometimes I stare at the paper. Nothing comes to mind. I will scribble. Until something comes. My mind is racing.

I didn't want much from life. We could live somewhere quiet with Manya. No one had anything to do. It didn't work. Manya's life took over. Then Juan was a college roommate. He was watching from the university. He was showing interest. I remember he said hello. The Faculty of Fine Arts is here.

I was smoking in front of the university door. I had a theater offer. I felt important. Self-importance. I said yes, right here.

Juan: I think we'll be classmates.

Turkashvand: How.

Juan: The theater class list of the senior professor.

Turkashvand: Yes, the class is right here.

Juan: The professor is good.

Turkashvand: It's good. He gives grades.

Juan: I mean teaching.

Turkashvand: He's not strict. I had a semester ahead.

Juan: Great.

I knew from Juan's look that he loved her. He couldn't do without me. I didn't love her. I wanted to reach her love. He wouldn't be left without love.

The last fight, he shouted, "Why didn't you like it? You let me come to you."

Turkashvand: I didn't want you to be loveless.

Juan: Let them take your love away.

Turkashvand: I did something, I loved you.

Juan: You don't like it. You like the photo. At least slow down for Shervin. You didn't.

Turkashvand: Having a baby was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened.

Juan: It was my hand. Put the baby back in your stomach if you can. There's a way back.

Turkashvand: There's no way.

Juan: Shut up, live.

Turkashvand: I'm telling you, don't be a jerk. I lost my job. I can't do anything. Let's live. What a life.

Juan: I'll be tough, it'll come out. We'll get through this somehow. Things won't stay like this.

I didn't say anything. I went to the room. I closed the door. I thought. Shervin was crying. I didn't know what to do.

The expression of love became one-sided. I tried to tell him in college that we weren't good for each other. He insisted.

It's bad to wait for something good to happen. Suddenly I was born. I didn't have any time to spare.

The days passed like lightning. In a friend's shed. With a cigarette. Walking by the sea. Writing a play. A lonely man. Hoping to sell. The police came. The plan was ruined. Utopia was destroyed.