The Last Visit

Today I am one of the happiest people on earth.

After being discharged from the hospital, Lamand had completely forgotten me and was just looking at me like an unknown person.

I don’t want anything to ruin today; because today I had a feeling that I had never experienced in my entire life, maybe I did but I don’t remember and it was like a fleeting breeze and it affected me very little; anyway, God cares for everyone and helps everyone; sometimes things happen to people that leave you stunned and unable to digest what happened and what happened; you just have to blink your eyes and everything will be fine.

It’s interesting! Sometimes when you solve the small problems of life, the big and general issues that were occupying your mind also disappear and are destroyed; The issues are so interconnected that you can't even imagine how they were resolved; all you do is enjoy the beautiful and heartwarming result of this chain of interconnected issues.

Today, a phone call made me very happy; a call from Lamand; I didn't even think he would call me; but he called and wanted to see me; I had to make an appointment with him at Father Theodore's house.

A few hours later, Lamand appeared.

Lamand: Hello Mr. Sami!

Samyar: Hello Mrs. Lamand!

Lamand: Mr. Sami, today I said come here to clarify my assignment with you and see what the reason is for these things?

Samyar: The reason for what?

Lamand: Because you keep sending me flowers and letters and saying that we were together; I don't recognize you at all and don't know you!

Samyar: But...

Kamand: But no; please don't do this again; I'm getting married next month and I don't want to see you in my life anymore.

That one sentence made me fall apart and my whole day was ruined and I became more broken than before.

My father, who was bringing coffee for me and Kamand, dropped the coffee tray from his hand and just like a walking corpse, he dropped it in its place.

A look from Kamand could have saved me from this withering; but it seemed that everything had turned upside down and what I expected did not happen; after the bad shock that came to my father and me, Kamand also left.

I'm bored with this life and I don't know what to do; everything has become more boring than before and it's not worth enduring.

Right now I feel exactly like I've been rained on and it's pouring down, and Kamand has bought an umbrella and rejected me.

It's as if the future suddenly becomes meaningless and worthless to me, and I can't bear life.

That day, when I was talking to my father, he told me: "Don't worry, Samyar, God will fix everything."

Samyar: But father...

Theodore: Everything will be fixed, but it won't; ask God for everything.

Samyar: But father, I asked him for the lasso, but he didn't give it to me.

Theodore: I know; it definitely wasn't for you.

Samyar: Father, all this is talk.

Theodore: Now talk or no talk, it's finally happened; right?!

Samyar: Yes.

Theodore: So there's no need to smoke and be sad all this time.

Samyar: Yes, you're right.

Almost the days passed in a repetitive and monotonous manner for me and everything without Lasso was as it seemed at all and contained a more destructive and devastating scene.

This incident passed and there was no news of Lasso anymore and my world was too empty to be transformed by a small event; but I still hoped that he would call me and I spent my day at night with the hope that he would call me today.

Almost a year passed like this when suddenly the day I was waiting for arrived and Lasso called me.

Lasso: Hello; Is it Sami?

Samyar: Hello, yes it is me; Lasso is it you?

Lasso: Yes Sami; I remembered everything; All those memories we had together.

Samyar: Really?! But how?

Lasso: After my engagement to that boy fell apart, I started messing up my room and destroying everything he had given me.

Samyar: So; you mean, by messing up all this, you remembered everything?

Lasso: No, dad, I accidentally found that flowery notebook where I had written everything before I went to the hospital, and all our beautiful memories were in that notebook.

Samyar: So, do you know me now?

Lasso: Yes, dad, Sami.

I didn’t know my head or my feet at that moment.

Lasso: Yes, Sami, I want to see you as soon as possible.

Samyar: Okay, no problem; then I’ll meet you by the park, by the church.

And our sweet conversation ended with this short word: “I love you.”

I, who was confused, dropped everything and started running towards the park in a hurry.

I squinted my eyes and could only see the moment the car hit me.

The least good thing about this accident was that the car that hit me was a police car and the last thing I saw were two pairs of police patent leather shoes with pressed trousers.

What really happened?

Where did I go all of a sudden?

Where did my life take me?

As soon as I opened my eyes, I found myself in the church next to the park; there was no sign of the accident; I was also looking around, confused and bewildered.

Dad came forward and put his hands on my shoulders and said: "Are you ready?"

Samyar: Ready for what?

Theodore: Another lasso?

Samyar: Yes; but...

Theodore: Yes; but there is no one!

We were supposed to meet in the park; I really don't understand how I ended up here.

I was supposed to see him after many years; I think he was overcome with regret and despair over his past, and he was deeply saddened by the past he had created with his own hands, and every day he would sink into the well he had dug himself.

He had dug for himself, and he was sinking.

For some time now, because of the deed to my grandfather's house, which his grandchildren took from me, I have been homeless and living with Father Theodore in a church near my grandfather's house on Eighth Street; after the stories that happened to me; after losing my family and then losing my job and house; I had nothing left and it was only because of my acquaintance with Father Theodore that I was able to come to the church and live with Father Theodore temporarily; so I stayed in the shelter of the church until I could find a good job.

Father Theodore is a good man; his beard is so white and beautiful that to anyone who sees him, it reminds him of Santa Claus and the beautiful and colorful gifts on Christmas Eve.

Father Theodore knows about me and Lamand and knows that I am a die-hard Lamand and that I am ready to do anything to get her. In fact, one of the reasons Father Theodore gave me food and a place to sleep in the church was the love of this beautiful girl.

I consider Father Theodore as my own father and I call him father so that I can feel my father's emptiness a little less and let him squeeze and bite my heart less and suck the love I have in my chest less than before.

Father and I are still waiting for Lamand to come; I wonder when this separation will end and I will be able to see him?

It didn't take long before Father Theodore went to his small table gas as usual to prepare cups of coffee and prepare to welcome Lamand and me.

The church door opened; my eyes were still fixed on the church door; All the veins in my heart started to flow and, like interlocked valves, they started to go up and down. I had lost all patience and could not wait any longer. My heart was beating so fast that all my capillaries were about to burst and my heart was about to be torn out of its place and fall to the ground.

Father Theodore went to the door to welcome the guest of the church.

As soon as he looked at the door, there was a disappointment in the father’s eyes that I realized that it was not Lasso but someone else who had come to see him; a man with long hair entered the church and as I understood, he had come to the church to confess; it was as if cold water had been poured on my body; for a moment I did not feel my heart beating, as if my heart had stopped working for a moment.

After a long time, I found him very incredulously and was able to find a sign of him; But not in a sweet reality, but in a bitter dream. She had become more beautiful than before and her hands were softer. It was as if my thoughts were touching a fairy's feathered heaven.

She had penetrated every single blood cell in my body and with her beauty, she deceived my heart and took me with her to the depths of unattainable dreams, and it was an undeniable fact that I loved her from the depths of my being.

She had engaged to a boy who loved her. At first, as she said, everything was going according to plan and they felt happy; after a while, the boy's behavior gradually changed and he found another behavior that had turned their lives into hell on earth.

He had repented and returned and regretted the evil things he had done to me.

My feelings at that moment with him were only happiness, happiness, happiness.

Suddenly everything went black.

I only realized the force that had left me in an unfamiliar world that I had never been to before and was completely unfamiliar to me.

I can only say this about this world; a strange and white emptiness, like the whiteness of day.

It was as if with every moment that passed, with every blink, everything became clearer.

With all the confusion I had, with all the effort and effort, I gathered myself from the ground; it was strange, weight had no meaning to me at all and I was like a feather being blown this way and that by the wind.

An aura of ambiguity, a little fear, in a moment of ignorance of the environment, where I was and what I was doing here and why my feet were moving, enveloped my being!

Everywhere is white; as far as the eye can see, everything is white; It is white to the far shores, only whiteness and only whiteness and nothing else.

Ambiguity and ambiguity; ambiguity as far as the eye can see; ambiguity in my eyes, in the middle of this white purgatory in which I am trapped and I do not know where it is; perhaps somewhere in nowhere that I do not know where it is.

What really happened? I did not understand anything about what happened and what happened; I only understood that I am not in one moment and that I am in one moment.

It is as if time has no meaning here and I am limited to nothing. Here all roads lead to a white sea of ​​nothingness; as if this sea has drowned and digested me within itself; as far as the eye can see, whiteness and whiteness; without any shadow or even color, everything is like lime, absolute white.

In silence and slowly, a very faint voice is heard; I don't really notice the faint sound, I just notice the strange buzzing that pricks my cochlea like a needle in my brain; but the sound still doesn't seem clear.

Whatever it was, it must have been very similar to the buzzing of a fly!

The more I listened to the sound, the more I noticed the incomprehensible words being spoken; as if someone was giving a speech from the bottom of a well.

Wait!

It seemed like the sound became clearer. "I found him on the street"; this was what I kept hearing, and the sound that was buzzing inside my ear was the sound of an ambulance that I didn't know where it was going.

The mixture of "I found him on the street" and the sound of the siren had created a sound that made my brain go into limbo.

The whites continue; Strangely and mysteriously, in an instant, all the sounds I heard turned into a deadly silence that shrouded everything, casting a veil like the veil of a dead bride over everything.

My being had drawn a curtain.

Suddenly everything was plunged into a terrifying darkness!

Why is nothing visible? Why did all the whiteness disappear? Why did everything suddenly become dark?

It was as if I was trapped in a room made of time with the lights turned off and I didn't know how to escape this predicament I was in without control.

There is no choice here and everything follows an unknown destiny whose source is unknown.

Is this a dream?!

Is this a predetermined nightmare?!

Am I dead?!

Is this life or are we between life and death?!

What is the story of this black and white desolation?!

A vague sentence of peace, in the midst of the bustle of this sad city; Today, for the first time for a few moments, a strange peace engulfed my entire being; I didn't understand where this peace came from?!

Whatever this feeling was, it reminded me of a precious feeling that had never been repeated before, and whatever it was, it lost me in the depths of the city's bustling backwater, and it wasn't long before a sudden silence reigned within me, and I didn't hear any sounds, and everything suddenly disappeared; at that moment I could only hear the sound of my own breathing and nothing else.

Everything passed in a haze of uncertainty, without any sign or movement; it just stood... it stood...; and since I had no other choice, I was forced to sit on the ground; the ground of which I don't know what its nature is.

Either it really is the ground, or it isn't; or it's something like the ground, only white.

It didn't bother me that my whole being was in a certain kind of uncertainty; it bothered me that I didn't know what would happen in the end; was something worse going to happen to me? Or are things going to get better than they are?

Suddenly, a black spot appeared in the distance, which made me even worse, sinking me into a deep well of uncertainty; I started running towards that blackness, just running and running to see what it was?

I just ran and ran and ran without stopping; the only thing visible from a distance was a person who had his back to me and I couldn't see his face; I reached that black-clad man.

I kept thinking to myself, who could it be?!

My friend? My mother? My father?

As soon as I called him and said, "Excuse me, friend!" My whole being went out like a candle.

As if! As if! He's me?!

No, he's really me; only with a black and black appearance.

As if I knew him; he was still staring at me and didn't say anything.

I have a strange feeling towards him, as if I know him and at the same time I know him, I don’t know him. A strange feeling combined with fear that I didn’t have the strength to express.

He didn’t say anything and kept staring at me. I felt the heaviness of his gaze more than before; staring into his eyes, my mind became more confused and distorted and I couldn’t understand what he wanted from me. I kept staring at him and couldn’t speak. It was as if all my verbal nerves had failed. It was as if he was a mirror showing me everything; a strange feeling flared up inside me to touch his hands like flower petals and see if he was mine or not?

I stretched out my hand; my hand had a strange interaction with his hands that does not fit into human belief and imagination.

He seemed imperceptible; I couldn't feel it properly when I touched his hands; but I'm sure he felt me ​​with all his being.

My God! What's happening?

Why are my hands like this?

My hands suddenly became cold and the color drained from his face, doubling my fear; yet he was staring at me and doing nothing. Suddenly, my whole being was fading away like a wandering spirit.

My whole being suddenly became nothing.

Nothing wandering, going this way and that; suddenly I hit the ground.

My eyes were blurry; I put my hand on the ground to get up; as soon as my hand touched the ground, I noticed something strange; yes, it seemed to be dirt? Rough, rocky dirt.

I rubbed my eyes with my hands to see better.

What a strange feeling, I must have become a fantasy after being trapped in that white void!

But the interesting thing was that as soon as I was able to see properly, I realized that my eyes were seeing correctly and that this ground I was standing on was really dirt.

Everything was becoming clearer and clearer when suddenly a sound like an explosion tore my eardrums.

Where am I?

My God!

Where is this?

Dust was everywhere and the eye could not see the eye.

I could not see anything at all or understand; where was the sound of the explosion coming from?!

I just kept moving forward; as if an unknown force was pulling me forward.

I could hear the voices of several people! I could not make out exactly what they were saying; but I realized that they were speaking German.

I was also asked how I understood their language. I didn't know German and I don't.

Their words were very incomprehensible and I didn't understand anything from them; I only understood from what they were saying that they were talking about a war and that according to them, the only way to escape from this war was to pass through the courtyard of death, where the enemy had set a trap for them.

As I went a little further, the scenes became more visible; I saw soldiers arguing with each other about how to get out of this quagmire; their entire squad was immersed in the stress of the war.

A group of wounded people were also lying on the ground.

All the soldiers looked the same and none of them had any different looks or posture from the others; round masks with masks, like tires

A metal ring was wrapped around the helmet, and from a distance it looked like a flying saucer.

The commander had also pinned the medals on his chest in a row and precisely, in one direction, and they sparkled from a distance as if they had just been cleaned with a damp cloth; the soldiers' clothes were all covered in dust and were so dusty that the color of the clothes had become the same as the environment.

From the appearance of the soldiers and the bayonets of their rifles, one could tell that they were expeditionary soldiers from World War I.

Oh my God!

What a loud shout?

One of the soldiers stood up with particular anger and pulled the trigger of his grenade launcher and threw it towards the enemy.

He shouted to the other soldiers: "Take cover!"

An explosion rang out.

At the commander's voice, two soldiers began to run forward selflessly; one of them was shot in the middle of the way and fell to the ground; With the second soldier shot, the entire army set off and attacked the enemy.

The mortar balloons were still above our heads, and the rain of mortars and the loud sounds of them hitting the ground had become the spice of war, and it was hurting my soul even more than before.

I blinked; I found myself in the platoon behind the battlefield; one of the soldiers kept begging the commander to give his comrades encouragement; but the commander refused and only repeated this sentence: "Just fight." This word kept flowing from his lips.

Everyone was walking back and forth; as if a group of soldiers had been brought to the field clinic of the same barracks.

With all the soldiers dead from the mortar, my eyes also closed and everything became black and dark again; again the same damned silence and darkness!

As soon as my eyes opened, I saw myself again in that white, empty predicament. As soon as I came to my senses, my eyes unconsciously began to cry at the sight of the battle and I became more upset than before.

I do not know exactly what the purpose of seeing these scenes was; but it hurt my fragile soul very much.

A pleasant and green place, a blue sky and quiet greenery growing in this strange garden, silence and silence and endless silence; from afar, three stones are seen that look very strange; just like shiny, polished and shining glass; the air here is just like the good smell of childhood; I gradually approached these large black stones. There was nothing on the first stone; but it continuously emitted light from itself. I approached the second stone and there was nothing on the second stone either; but it had the same brilliance as the first stone and was just like glass, shiny and black; On the third stone there was something interesting that caught my attention the most; on the third black stone, there was a wooden cross, just like the one that Father Theodore had hung in his house.

I returned to the same empty white void that had left me, and I did not know exactly where I was or what was happening; again there was nothing and nothing and nothing.

I do not know exactly where it was taking me, or was going to take me, I only know that it was going to immerse me even more in time; here time has no meaning, neither past nor present nor future, it just moves on.

Just like the life I had, it just moves on and I do not understand anything about it; Again, that damn black silence that seemed to dissolve me with the contradiction of the whiteness of this world and nothing remained of me, and as if this was the force that kept me suspended in this world, between blackness and whiteness.

I always felt a severe pain in my forehead; as if thoughts like leeches were eating my entire brain.

That damn black silence that was destroying me from the inside bit by bit; I feel bad. I don't know what is making me feel bad and what is changing my mood to this extent.

It passes evenly; as if all of existence has disappeared and nothing has given way to nothing.

As if my entire life and the lives of others who have never been in my life have become related to me and I am also trying to find myself in the middle of this nowhere.

It was as if I was sitting at a TV show and seeing my whole life in the mirror of my own eyes, like a repeated movie.

Blackness, silence, secrecy, straitjacket, words that had meaning for me and one by one, were disappearing from my sight. I just closed my eyes and sat in that absolute whiteness and it was as if life had no meaning anymore and was reduced to nothing, nothing and nothing and nothing.