filed from somewhere in the blockchain woods

The Expedition Begins

It started with a Telegram DM that said, “Yo, brother, we’re tokenizing cryptids.”
Naturally, I packed a GoPro, a ledger wallet, and a can of bug spray that expired during the ICO boom. They told me the coin was called BigFoot Inu, a hybrid of cryptozoology, yield farming, and unregulated optimism. “We’re gonna track the real Bigfoot,” they said, “and every confirmed sighting mints a new NFT.”

I didn’t ask questions. I just bridged my ETH and hit the trail.

The Forest Was Full of Degens

By day three in the Pacific Northwest, I’d realized I wasn’t the only one chasing a mythical creature. Half the camp was livestreaming, half was staking, and the other half was still trying to figure out how to claim their airdrop. The forest echoed with the sounds of Discord pings, bug zappers, and people yelling “LFG” at trees.

At night, someone said they saw glowing eyes behind the ferns — but it turned out to be another influencer’s ring light.

When the Rug Snapped Tight

The first sign of trouble came when the BigFoot Inu dev wallet moved. At first, they said it was for “liquidity migration.” Then the Telegram vanished. Then the chart looked like a cliff face.

We checked Etherscan and saw it — the transaction hash of destiny. The devs had pulled more ETH than Bigfoot footprints in Oregon. My MetaMask felt colder than the forest air.

One guy started sobbing into a hardware wallet. Another tried to summon Sasquatch through on-chain rituals. I tried to short my feelings on leverage, but even that position got liquidated.

Encounter with the Unknown

Around dawn, I swear I saw him — Bigfoot, real or hallucinated, standing at the treeline, holding a cold Ledger like a sacred relic. He looked at me, then at my phone screen showing a -98% chart.

He gave one slow nod, as if to say, “You got rugged, too, huh?”
Then he vanished into the blockchain mist.

Post-Mortem of a Myth

Back at basecamp, the survivors formed SasquatchDAO, dedicated to tracking lost liquidity across chains. We issued a governance token, naturally — ticker: SQSH. The whitepaper was just a blurry photo.

People ask if I’d do it again.
Of course I would. The only thing more elusive than Bigfoot is financial wisdom.