Day one of the reboot of my calorie deficit diet. It's 6:11 am and I am sitting here with my coffee, the requisite one tablespoon of half and half added, which I measured and logged in My Fitness Pal. I got up and stepped on the scale. I've gained seven pounds in the last six to eight weeks. I was thinking five or six, so this is sobering, but not disheartening. I ate all kinds of treats, snacks and holiday adult beverages made with heavy cream New Year's Eve. I haven't exercised in a few weeks. I did this to myself, knowing that today would come, and THE day has arrived...
Before I forget to mention it, I hope you are joining me on this journey. If you are, I'm so glad you are taking this important step along with me to improving your health. Please feel free to comment on this post and let me know how you are doing! It's easier when you know you are not struggling alone.
I opened the My Fitness Pal app for the first time in probably seven or eight weeks. I decided not to continue on from where I left off with my 60 pounds by 60 years plan in the app. That accomplishment is in the books. I have a new goal... ugh.... I set a new goal weight; five pounds heavier than my endocrinologist wants me to be. I have a primary care doctor appointment in April, and I am going to follow that doctor's advice. If she agrees with my endocrinologist, I will be close enough to my ideal weight by then.
The app kindly asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this, and stated if I did, it was going to recalculate my daily calorie allowance. I pushed ahead and said yes. So instead of the 1359 calories per day I previously had, my daily calorie allowance is now down to 1230.
I know I can manage this calorie intake because I was eating 1050 to 1200 calories previously. I'm sure today, tomorrow and the day after will be a bit rough but once I get past the sugar and carb cravings, I will find my groove. Tomorrow is shopping day so I can make sure I have enough veggies and fruit to fill me up so I don't reach for something I shouldn't to snack on.
Now, if only I lived in a perfect world where the current challenges in my life didn't make losing weight more challenging than it usually is.
Our family is starting the year with sadness, grief, and heavy hearts.
After a wonderful Christmas celebration (I posted about some of it) where my husband's entire immediate family and their offspring were here for Christmas, tragedy struck our lives New Year's Eve Day.
Our niece, who was only 39, had an apparent heart attack and died. I'm still in shock over this. I just saw her Christmas Day. She had left Texas the next day to go back home, which is where she passed. At Christmas, she was very upbeat, vibrant, full of life, talking about all the plans she and her boyfriend had made. They both worked but were heavily involved getting her boyfriend's family start-up microbrewery off the ground. We talked beer, her going back to college, the five-year plan, the ten-year plan. We discussed whether she would ever relocate to Texas to be closer to our family. This angel had dreams. And now she is gone.
Of course, my logical mind wants to know "why." It makes no sense to me that a 39-year-old woman has died of something that happens to people twenty to thirty years older. I'm hoping that my sister-in-law has answers to share when they return from where she was living when it happened. I really want to know 'why'...
Back in September, my niece and I had been texting a bit. I texted her a happy birthday text and we exchanged a few more texts. She told me that she wanted to lose 70 pounds. We texted back and forth about food, how I had lost the weight I had lost. She texted me she was having pizza with cauliflower crust for dinner and that she loved vegetables. In October, after we had gotten back to Texas from our summer camp, I texted her again and asked her if she wanted to go through the clothing I was getting ready to donate. I told her I would hang onto them until she came to visit. She was enthusiastic about that and wanted to do it. Unfortunately, there was too much going on over the holiday and she was never able to get to it. Those clothes are still bagged up in my bedroom. I avoid looking at them for now.
We are in shock, grieving, and feeling so damn helpless. What makes it harder than normal for me is that my children are only a few years younger than my niece was. I also have such grief for my sister-in-law because no parent should ever have to outlive their own child. I don't know how you ever learn to live with that reality. I assume you just 'exist' and struggle for a very long time. I can't even imagine, and don't want to. That my sister-in-law was able to come to our door to give us that horrible news in person, rather than over the phone, is a testament to her strength. I don't think I could have done that.
So, the struggle is going to be real for me for some time. I really want to say: "eff this damn diet... it doesn't matter in the face of what's going on...."
However, the LESSON I need to embrace today is that I HAVE TO take care of myself, regardless of what is going on in my life. The minute I say 'the diet isn't important' today, because of what is happening in my life that is beyond my control, is stating my health and my life don't matter to me or the other people in my life who love me and want me to be around for a long time. I matter to them. YOU matter to yourself, and the people in your life. That's why it's important to stick with it, no matter what. This is why we don't use the importance of something else to make our health and well-being less important than it should be.
I hope that 2024 is filled with much success, good health, and worthwhile accomplishments for us all. While we are trying to make sure that happens, let's show love to, and gratitude for, the people we have in our lives who matter to us. Life is too damn short to put it off.
It's now the end of the day and I'm taking stock of Day One
I did not exceed my daily calorie allowance.
I actually weighed or measured and logged everything I consumed today.
I exercised for the first time in 16 days. I did 45 minutes on the Elliptical Machine for 3.16 miles. I also did some abdominal exercises including a two-minute plank. which is a new personal best for me.
I hope you had a good day as well!
(photo courtesy of Bich Tran)
