The Xena Scrolls: Scroll #114: Motherhood

By Brandy Seymour | Xena Scrolls | 7 Jul 2021

The Xena Scrolls

B y:  Gabrielle Bard of Podedia

Scroll  #114  :Motherhood

November, 18 B.C.

     I give resolution to a battle that has lasted since the birth of Xena’s child twenty-five years in passing.  This story is of love which comes to us and is expressed in many different ways.  It is the story of a mother’s guilt, a friend’s grief, and a god’s sacrifice for the woman he loved.

     Xena and I had followed a confused child for many marathons.  She was in complete anguish for what she had discovered about herself and for the monster that she had become.  Eve had fallen victim to the spoils of blood which was not meant to be.  As Xena and I stayed behind keeping our distance we watched her child suffer with the pain of knowing what it was to be the force who had taken from so many without mercy.  Xena understood this pain for she had once gone through the same metamorphosis herself.  Xena had been saved by Hercules and been guided by a loyal friend.  I did not know if I could bring myself to help Eve the way I had helped Xena because Eve had taken a dear friend from me.  It was a strange feeling being pulled with the grief of my great loss coupled with the love I had for my friend and her own intentions. 

     I spoke to Xena and expressed my doubts about being able to save Eve as I had my best friend, and Xena understood.  She expressed that she would go alone if it was a choice I had to make, but she reminded me with great poise and strength that I was her light.  And now Eve needed a light to fill her own darkness, and it was then that I realized my responsibility to Eve.  At that moment over the opposite hill an army of vengeance descended down into the valley upon the emotionally distraught lonely soul of Eve.  Eve caught sight of them as Xena threw her chakram to deflect the thrust of an oncoming spear meant to take the life of a once evil spirit.  Eve did nothing to attempt to save her own life.  She froze upon the dessert as the soldiers of vengeance descended down upon her. 

     Xena immediately rushed to protect her daughter from their wrath.  I followed Xena with a strange uncertainty.  We met with the army at the bottom of the hill and fought to protect the one known as Livia.  Just before Xena could reach her daughter’s side a warrior on horseback captured her with his rope and drug Eve’s body through the sands of a vast wasteland.  Xena reached for her chakram and attempted to shoot for release by cutting through the rope, but her chakram was stopped by the hands of her child.  Eve wanted to die for all of the pain she had caused, but Xena refused to accept that.  Xena flipped through the air gracefully knocking off another oncoming warrior from his own horse as she whistled for Argo the second.  And just as faithfully as her mother had been Argo the second responded to the command of a great warrior and then Xena was off to save her daughter’s life. 

     I grabbed the horse of the warrior who had fallen and followed Xena in her pursuit.  Xena caught up to the one who was to avenge the deaths of thousands as she threw out a fist in his face knocking him violently to the ground and taking the reins of his horse.  She yelled out a command to the horse and it stopped its forward motion immediately.  Xena had rescued her daughter once again as she unwrapped Eve from her binds.  Eve still held Xena’s chakram.  She had been badly scraped up from her attackers.  As I approached to join them a sudden impulse came over me.  It was like voices in my mind. They were reminding me of Eve’s wrong to my dear friend Joxer.  The voices were like a fury as if trying to command me to pass judgment upon Eve.  And then just as the voices were about to win out Xena called upon me for some water. 

     A cloaked woman approached us and inquired if it was Xena’s name which I had spoken.  I responded to her and she asked if this was indeed the champion of the followers of Eli and the God of One.  Again I confirmed that indeed this was their champion.  The woman was overjoyed that she had found us and she offered to take us back to her home where there were many more followers of Eli’s message. 

     Once we had arrived there Xena and I were greeted with much love and joy as the followers gathered around the table to listen to my story.  Eli had been a man of flesh and blood with a simple message of love, peace and of forgiveness for all.  After twenty-five years there had been some discrepancies as to Eli’s mortality, but he was truly mortal. 

     Eve sat alongside her mother only to refuse the message of Eli.  She was unable to forgive herself for the sins that she had committed on so many innocent.  Eve spoke of how she had killed men for refusing to give her tribute tasting their blood, and how she had killed our friend Joxer.  Then it happened again as I struggled to stay focused.  The voices came back and this time they were stronger than before.  It was like a burning desire inside to do something that I did not want to do.  This fury within my mind kept pulling at my division between grief and loyalty.  Xena calmed her daughter’s outburst, and the woman who had guided us to these wonderful people then guided us to another.  She had said that there was another man like Eli who was known as The Baptist.  He was known for cleansing mortals of their sins of the flesh and bringing them forth to the light.  The woman took us there with the suffering soul of Eve.  While there we watched The Baptist do his work.  He saved a man with the waters of the sea cleansing the man of all of the sins of the flesh.  As the newly baptized soul emerged from the water one could see the joy in his eyes and the relief within his soul.  A debt had been lifted from him as he had been blessed by the One to start a new beginning.

     And then something truly extraordinary happened.  The Baptist reached out his hand to Eve.  He looked deep into her soul.  Eve was afraid of his gesture, but his eyes were able to comfort her enough allowing her to approach him.  There was a part of Eve that was fearful, but the Baptist was a very loving teacher and healer.  He told Eve that he saw standing before him a suffering soul.  Eve could not refuse this observation.  She truly was suffering inside for all that she had wanted now was for her pain inside to stop.  She wanted to see a new way becoming open to the light for the first time. 

     The Baptist took Eve’s hand as he blessed her with the holy waters of the One, and a great trudge was lifted from the spirit of Xena’s child.  I saw a mother proud of her daughter and I too felt a relief within.  I had recalled having the same hope for my own child Hope.  As Eve returned from her cleansing with The Baptist Xena took her daughter in her arms for the first time in twenty-five years.  As I watched them embrace I longed to feel that connection to my own daughter, but I knew that it would never be.  And as that thought of Hope came to my mind again I was tormented by the strange voices once more.  They were beckoning me to remember how the evil within my own daughter had led to my own pain.  The voices urged me to take Eve because they proclaimed her to be a fraud just as Hope had been to me.  I saw Xena looking into my eyes and then just beyond her the god of the sea rose from within. 

     It was Poseidon and he was angry.  Suddenly Xena drew her sword snapping me out of my mind’s disillusion as all of the Gods of Mount Olympus appeared before us.  All, but Aphrodite, Ares, and Athena appeared ready to do battle.  They attacked with a vengeance as fire balls, bolts, and many other powerful energies engulfed us.  Xena blocked each shot at her daughter and her friend with her sword, and then deflected another from Strife destroying Poseidon before he could destroy Eve.  All of the gods were struck with a sudden fear and they were silent for a moment.  How could a deflection of Xena’s sword have been the power that had eliminated Poseidon?  The goddess Discord was consumed with a vengeance all her own because for the first time she had felt a loss that mortals feel everyday.  It was death staring her in the face for the first time.  She thrust forward attacking Xena.  Effortlessly Xena took off the head of Discord killing yet another god of Mount Olympus.  Another god stepped forward to avenge the death of his sister.  It was the god Hepheastus.  Xena used her chackram to dissolve his attack as she flipped forward rolling to greet him ready for battle.  She robbed him of his weapon and then of his life as he took his own ax to the chest.

     Suddenly, the goddess Athena appeared with Ares alongside her.  They had become the new leaders upon Olympus since the death of Zeus by Hercules and the disappearance of Hera.  Athena was angry at her siblings for being so foolish.  She scolded the gods reminding them that if they had only taken in the patience of time none of them would have had to perish.  But now the power of Xena had now been unleashed and discovered.  It was now possible for a mortal such as the warrior princess herself to take the life of a god.  There was much fear within the Olympic clan as Xena threatened to take more of them if they dared to follow us. 

     As we fled the beach with this new discovery I asked Xena how it was possible for her to have this awesome power known to no other mortal in the history of man.  She explained that the archangel Michael had sent a spirit to her with a message.  He had told her that as a result of Eve’s cleansing Xena would be the one chosen to eliminate the gods of Olympus.  Xena had accepted this awesome responsibility and was ready to use it for the good of the god of One.  It was His wish that He be known to all humanity.  The sands of time were running out for the Olympic reign which had lasted for thousands of years.  And as I contemplated the implications of all of this Eve spoke of how she had come to realize her own purpose here.  She spoke of how her cleansing had lifted her from one weight and then given her a new one.  Eve was still confused and afraid uncertain of where to begin her new life.  Yet Xena had the answer as to where Eve was to begin, and so we set off to visit the home of a slain friend.

     Upon arriving at the modest home of Joxer’s family I caught sight of Virgil working on his own story.  I was certain that it was the story of his father.  Virgil greeted Xena and I with joy happy to see that we had returned to him.  But then as Eve dismounted from Xena’s horse she revealed herself to the one who had taken Joxer from the world.  Virgil’s joy turned to instant anger and vengeance.  He drew his sword ready for blood.  He wanted to ease his own pain by killing the one whom had taken his father from him.  And as I watched Virgil move toward Eve a part of me wanted him to succeed, but Xena stepped in once again not allowing Virgil to take the life of a once evil soul.

     Eve spoke softly to the broken hearted son of Joxer expressing to him that if she could have given back his father with her own death she would gladly have made the sacrifice to him.  It was the only thing she could say in the hope that she could reconcile with Virgil.  Ultimately she would hope for forgiveness yet she knew in her own heart that it was not possible.  I understood Virgil’s pain for I too was still in pain over the loss of one of my most valued loving friends.  Tears rolled down Virgil’s face and anger held it’s expression as he reminded us all that Joxer the Mighty had never been one known to hurt anyone.  No woman, child, or beast had ever suffered at Joxer’s hand.  Joxer had been a kind-hearted soul that had perished in the wrath of Eve otherwise known as Livia.

     And then Virgil turned away from Eve packing his things as he prepared to leave his childhood home.  All of the memories were clearly still too painful for him.  Xena and Eve entered Joxer’s home as Xena tried to comfort her daughter by explaining that when you take a life there is no going back.  And then I asked Virgil where he was going.  Virgil said that he was to join Meg, and the rest of his family in Athens.  Meg had taken Joxer’s death hard.  I understood.  I could feel Virgil’s pain for I too shared in it with him.  We tried to comfort one another though it wasn’t the same without Joxer.  Life would never be the same.  There was now a large void for us both.  Virgil thanked me for my comforts as he mounted his horse and rode off.  I was left alone with only the distant presence of a memory of the man who had once loved me very dearly, and I had never appreciated him for that love.  Now it was gone.  It had been taken by the never ending cycle of violence.  It had been taken by Eve.

     That night Eve was eager to learn more about her mother.  Xena introduced her daughter to my scrolls.  Eve read them with great excitement for it was her way of being able to know who her mother was and to understand where she had been.  Eve thanked me for writing them as I had preserved her mother’s legacy and legend, but for some reason I didn’t feel that joy.  I was fighting against the pain of my own loss and the will of my friendship to Xena.  As the rain fell in the night it was as if someone were crying for Joxer.  And as the tears fell Xena stood watch by the window anticipating that the gods would return to us again.  Then Ares appeared.  He was standing in the rain waiting for Xena.  Xena asked me to watch the back door for the other gods as she went out to confront him. 

     As I looked out the back door within the darkness a shadow cast itself upon the wall.  It passed mysteriously through the corridor.  I pulled my weapon prepared to protect Xena’s child, and then he appeared.  It was Joxer.  He materialized before me and fell clumsily to the floor.  Joxer was a young man again just as I had remembered him.  My heart fluttered jumping with excitement for his spirit had seemingly come to comfort me.  This was my chance to show my own appreciation for his love for me and for risking his life to save mine.  A tear came to my eye as I spoke to Joxer.  I told him that I had missed him dearly.  But his smiling face turned cold as it shot back at me.  He told me that he was dead.   My vision of Joxer scolded me for letting Eve kill him.  It cut through my heart like a nail through the cross.  I wanted to sob for I had let my own friend down as Brutus had let me down against Caesar. 

     Joxer told me that there was only one way I could be reprieved of my guilt for his death and that was to avenge it.  He told me that I must kill Eve.  I didn’t want to kill Eve, but I didn’t want to let him down again.  I remembered how I had not been able to forgive Brutus, and I realized that Joxer would not be able to forgive me.  And then as I fought the temptation of my vision I heard a familiar voice.  As I turned to see who it was behind me I saw Hope.  She appeared before me.  Hope reminded me of how I had to kill her for her own evil.  She reminded me of how difficult it was for me to make that choice and how it had resulted in the death of Solan.  If only I had killed Hope when Xena had asked me to Solan would still be alive.  And then as her voice spoke to me Hope’s presence lead me to Eve.  Hope urged me to make the choice that Xena herself could not make. 

     I could feel that I was losing my sanity as a fire inside rose within me.  I had to do what Xena could not bring herself to do.  I had to save Xena from the things that I had done wrong.  It was up to me to make it all right.  Hope stood before Eve as the furies were about me.  Hope beckoned me to make the move.  She urged me to draw my weapon upon the unsuspecting Eve as Xena’s daughter read my scrolls.  And now I had reached the point in which my division of guilt had separated me from my sane mind.  There was no turning back.  I no longer had control as my weapon came upon Eve and I thrust it into her side from behind.  And just as I had shown my daughter that I really did love her only killing her for her evil I felt a jolt from behind.  It was Xena’s chakram that had nailed me on the back of my head. 

     I felt the extreme pain throbbing through my mind.  I wanted to turn to Xena, but instead I just stared forward as my vision of Hope disappeared, and I dropped to the floor.  At that moment everything went black.  I could see nothing, but I could hear everything.  Xena had moved to her daughter who was still alive.  Eve’s breath sounded of suffering.  She coughed and I could hear her strain to speak to Xena.  It was obvious that her lung had been severely punctured.  Eve told Xena that I had been hit pretty good by the chakram expressing her concern for me.  I then felt Xena’s presence move toward me.  At that moment there was a release from within my mind.  Then I heard Xena whisper under her breath…”The furies….”  I could feel Xena’s confusion about my action turning to realization.  Xena had realized that I had been unfocused during the past few days.  She had seen it in my eyes after the battle against the avenging warriors.  Xena had seen it just before Poseidon was taken down upon the arrival of the gods of Olympus. 

     And then the gods of Olympus were present again as the sounds of their fury filled my ears.  I could hear bolts bouncing off of the walls, and I heard Xena leap back taking the table down in an attempt to protect her daughter and her friend.  One could hear the two halves of Xena’s chakram deflecting about as a distraction for the gods.  Then I began to feel another presence.  It was the sparkling presence of the goddess of love Aphrodite.  I could feel her love within me.  Aphrodite had come to be with someone she genuinely cared about.  I could feel her gentle touch as she tried to comfort me in my mortality.  And then I heard her say that she was only there to help.  Xena must have discovered her presence thinking that Aphrodite was fighting against us.  The battle continued, and as it raged on I felt sadness from within the goddess of love.  Her sadness was in knowing that this did not have to be.  She understood love’s power though she was as selfish as any of the gods on Mount Olympus.  And then she used her magic to wisp us away to another room within the house.  I could still hear the battle raging, but I was no longer a part of its center.  There was a series of explosions presumably from the powers of the gods.

     I tried to listen as I kept going in and out of the black abyss of consciousness.  Aphrodite stayed with me as if I were a child who had fallen in the spoils of war.  She stroked my bleeding head as my wound had been a fatal one.  I could still hear Xena fighting fiercely to protect her daughter.  Eve screamed in terror for the sound of flames had taken her, but Xena had put them out as one could sense the god Hades was approaching them.  Just as Hades was about to take the life of Xena’s child Xena engulfed him in her own flame of terror.  I could hear Hades’ screams as he was burning to death.  And I felt Aphrodite’s sadness for the loss of another of her brothers.  For the first time we shared in the pain of loss together.  The next to go was Strife.  His anguish was heard from under the crash of a large bookcase falling to the floor.  And then there was a one on one duel of swords clashing between Athena the ring leader of the gods and the mother of the twilight bringer. 

     As I went into and out of consciousness again a new presence had engulfed the room.  It was a familiar presence.  It was one I had felt before.  This presence felt like the god of war.  And then I knew that Xena must have brought Eve to be watched over by Aphrodite as she watched over me.  Ares had come to be the destroyer of the bringer of twilight.  I could feel the fear of Eve knowing that death was upon her, and I could feel the regret within Aphrodite’s heart.  I did not hear the goddess move to save Eve from her brother.  Xena had expected the goddess of love to defend the bringer of twilight against her own family, but Aphrodite had not come to be a part of all of this.  She had only come to comfort a friend close to death.

     Suddenly I heard the boots of Xena enter the room.  I heard the chakram tear Ares’s flesh and his sword drop to the ground with a thud.  All was quiet for a moment and then his presence was no more.  And in the next moment I felt the comfort of love’s presence leaving my side.  All felt cold around me.  I heard Xena rushing to her daughter’s side as Eve too was mortally wounded.  The furies had driven me to draw the blood of a child, and though I had been the one to attack Eve Xena grabbed hold of my lifeless body and dragged both her daughter and her light out into the raining night.

     Xena was determined not to lose anyone.  She promised me that she would protect me as she had always done before.  I was her light.  I was the part of her that gave balance within her own darkness.  Xena spoke to her injured daughter and proclaimed her to be her hope as my own daughter had once been mine.  Again I felt the presence of Aphrodite.  I heard her express her sadness and compassion to Xena, but Xena was not convinced of Aphrodite’s love for a friend.  She challenged Aphrodite asking her to heal me if she truly loved the bard.  Aphrodite explained to Xena that healing powers could only be blessed by Athena.  Aphrodite was certain that Athena would not agree to it.  Xena had already taken too many of the gods to turn back now.  Xena begged Aphrodite to send us to Mount Olympus, but Aphrodite refused.  She couldn’t take the thought of anymore killing.  Aphrodite understood what the bard had always understood.  She did not want to see another perish upon Xena’s hand.  I went out of consciousness again and then came back.  Aphrodite had reluctantly agreed to take us. 

     When we arrived at Mount Olympus Xena was grateful that Aphrodite’s love for Gabrielle was as strong as her own.  Xena advised Aphrodite to leave for more gods would inevitably suffer a fate of death.  Aphrodite was reluctant to leave the bard’s side knowing that her friend may not make it through the mortal fate upon her.  Aphrodite knelt down beside me and I could feel her loving touch as she bade me fare-well referring to me as the “little one” as if I were the innocence of a child.  And then her presence was no more.  I heard Eve call Xena mother for the first time.  Xena was shocked at this simple gesture of a word, but Eve felt her own mortality setting in from the wounds inflicted by my own furious mind.  Xena had told Eve of how she had regretted missing her daughter’s childhood and growing up.  Eve was forgiving, and told Xena that she had liked spiders as a child hoping to comfort her mother knowing she was upon the threshold of death’s door.  Xena chuckled weakly, and realized how much she had in common with the daughter she had barely known.

     Another presence appeared again.  It was the god of war.  Xena asked of him a deal.  She asked the god of war for Athena’s blessing to heal her daughter and her friend.  Ares made it known that he could make Xena a goddess and save the life of her friend, but he could not offer the same for her daughter.  He challenged Xena reminding her that with each of their recent confrontations Xena had been unable to thrust death upon his mortal state.  Xena was not humored at his challenge as she thrust a weapon into his leg.  It was a small cross-bow as Ares squealed feeling mortal pain for the first time.  He couldn’t believe that he had been shot by a mortal for he had been the all powerful god of war.

     I heard Xena wrap him in large heavy chains as she took us all to meet Athena.  Athena’s voice echoed deeply through the halls of Olympus.  Xena again presented the deal to her.  She promised to spare the lives of the remaining Olympic gods if Athena would grant blessings to those whom Xena loved most.  But Athena would not bow down to the mother with the power to kill gods.  She mocked Xena and then I heard an arrow move through the air.  It was stopped by Xena’s hand and then a second arrow cut through the air.  This arrow was also stopped.  Xena screamed with vengeance as she thrust the arrows back at the sender.  It was Artemis and one could hear her lifeless body drop to the ground.

     And so the final battle between Xena and Olympus began.  Athena drew her sword as the two clashed against one another.  There were more explosions from the raging power of Athena as the sound of collapsing columns echoed through the halls of Olympus.  Xena’s passion was no match for the goddess of wisdom.  She thrust a weapon through Athena, but Athena did not fall.  Xena’s power to kill gods was no more for the bringer of the twilight had breathed her last breath.  Eve had perished from her mortal wounds, yet this discovery did not stop Xena as she fought against Athena passionately.  I could hear a mother’s love in battle though the end result was inevitable.  And then the unexpected happened.  I went out of consciousness again and then came back to hear chains across the marble floors of the Olympic palace.  It was the god of war approaching me.  I felt his hand upon my head and then there was this extraordinary energy throughout my body.  Slowly the silence of mortal death came back into the sounds of the clashing swords and then the blackness began to fade into a blur of vision. 

     The ruin of the beautiful marble palace of Olympus came into focus, and then I saw Xena thrust her sword into Athena who was about to kill the mother of the bringer of twilight with her own thrust.  Xena had accepted that she was going to die at the hand of Athena, but then I saw the blood dripping from the stomach of the goddess Athena.  This powerful immortal had become mortal again.  She looked into Xena’s eyes who was stunned to realize that her power against the gods had been miraculously restored.  There was regret within Xena’s eyes for Xena had respected Athena more than any of the other Olympic gods, and with Athena’s death Xena knew that it meant the deaths of her loved ones as well.   

     I struggled to move as I saw the god of war standing over me.  There was a bit of sadness, and regret illuminating from within his being as he watched his sister be taken by death’s cruel hand.  As I moved toward Xena she rushed to Eve and I.  Eve too had been saved.  The god of war had saved us both.  Ares had healed us without Athena’s blessing.  As Athena faded she asked why her brother had betrayed her, and he explained that it was his undying love for the warrior princess.  Ares regretted that his sister had to perish, but a part of him knew that Xena was his own undying hope.  Athena could not understand this.  She could not understand how it was possible for Ares to heal without her blessing.  Ares explained that he had made his own sacrifice.  He had sacrificed his immortality in exchange for the gift of healing, and in that moment the once powerful immortal goddess Athena fell in the heat of a battle for survival.  After Xena had embraced the ones she loved she realized that it was Ares she had to thank.  He had so desperately wanted to prove his love for the warrior princess.  As she rose to face him she realized that his love for her had been true.  In the beginning it had been a selfish love, but now it had become selfless.  Xena barely knew what to say to him.  A simple thank you rolled from her lips and the god of war nodded in understanding of her. 

     It truly is amazing how powerful love can be.  A mother’s love for her child, a friend’s love for another friend, a child’s love for his father, a sibling’s love for another sibling, a god’s love for a mortal, and a man’s love for a woman.  I’ve seen so much pain in my adventures and my travels with Xena, but despite all of the pain there is no greater gift than love.  And so my struggle between guilt and loyalty had ended as I had forgiven Eve for her wrongs.  I had accepted her for her own darkness as I had accepted Xena’s darkness so long ago.  And then Xena had granted me her own gift.  It was the gift of sharing in motherhood for she understood my pain in losing my own Hope.  She wanted to give me a new hope.  It was the part of my light that had been sacrificed for a friend so many winters ago.  A loyal friend could not ask for much more than that.          

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Brandy Seymour
Brandy Seymour

I enjoy politics and finance and filmmaking topics.

Xena Scrolls
Xena Scrolls

Xenaverse Timeline A Brief Overview In 1940 Dr. Janice Covington and Melinda Pappas the daughter of the late Mel Pappas joined forces on an archeological dig in Macedonia. What they uncovered were the first of over 100 ancient scrolls written by a bard from the ancient village of Podedia located in ancient Thrace. In the words of the late Dr. Covington, “These scrolls will revolutionize the way we look at the ancient world.”

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