I was very much torn about the date.

On the one hand, I really wanted a new relationship with all that came along. I wanted to commit, I wanted to love again and this time I wanted a man, who was worthy of my love. No more lying, schizophrenic, chlamydia-giving bastards for me, thank you very much.

But on the other hand … I wasn’t mentally there. The Bodyguard still haunted me. Not only because we still sporadically were in touch from time to time, but because I still was beating myself up with my own stupidity. I hated that I still had feelings for him, even if my rationality told me otherwise.

And as I told in my last post, this young guy comes along. He was so charming and sweet, and we clicked instantly in writing. We shared the same sense of humor, and like I previously have told, I do communicate better with the younger guys than the older.

But I wasn’t at all sure. He was VERY young with his 31 years, and up till now the young ones had always disappointed me. And I WAS looking for a relationship, even if I was not ready, so yes … it is safe to say that I had no clue of what I should do. Why waste my time on casual dating again? Especially with clueless cubs.

Eventually, I got tired of all my doubts, and decided that I had to forget the boyfriend-dating for a while, and just date for fun with no commitments for a while, until my heart was catching up with my brain. It was not fair for either the men looking for something serious or me, when I was not there.

So I agreed to go on a date with the young Chef. How could I decline when I looked at his pictures? He was really handsome, had the most wonderful brown eyes, and … I know that is a strange thing but am totally turned on by men who still have their hair, which is a quite unfair demand for men of my own age.

Besides, he was fun and sweet, and he made me smile, when he wrote to me, so what was the worst thing that could happen? (The continuous reader of my posts will know that I haven’t had that much luck when I say something like that, but THIS time it surely would be different!).

We met up in a city midway between us. It was a sunny spring day, and when I arrived, he was sitting on the back of his Mercedes, waiting for me, even if I was a bit early. I parked, went out with the coffees that I had bought and while approaching him, I was thinking to myself, that I clearly could see myself doing the nasty with him, which would make it even harder to reject him.  

And I still wasn’t sure. He was so young, and had been married most of his adult life, so I had no greater expectations of his experience, and somehow, I was not in the mood of yet another lousy sex date experience. Not that we should do something on this date, but still …

So, I came on rather aggressively on him, I’m afraid. Just bluntly telling him, that I was done with the shagging around, and that I ultimately wanted a boyfriend, who could keep up with my sex drive, who wanted to play around with sex and who wanted to devote time and sensation to the lovemaking and not just hurriedly get it over with on Humpday. I wanted all of this, and until I found “him”, I was only interested in something casual, but it better be good.

And during the date I kind of felt ashamed over my matter-of-fact way of approaching. Was I getting sick of dating already? Here was this young and very sweet guy, and I just laid it all on him. Basically, channeling all of my frustrations out in demands of what I wanted towards him, probably to scare him away. He hadn’t deserved that. He even told me that this was his real first date after his divorce two years prior. He had some uncommitted sexual relations, but hadn’t been on date-date before, which made me feel even worse. I was like a fuming ball of no-bullshit-attitude, and I probably scarred him for life. Now he surely would think again, before agreeing to a date with another woman.

And still … he didn’t seem scared! We were sitting on a tree trunk in the middle of this forest, and he kept looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes, like he never had met anyone like me before.

I bet he hadn’t! How many dates come out like an aggressive rhinoceros, with the sole purpose of scaring the man away? Poor guy!

I think that at this point I relaxed more and began to enjoy the date. He was fun to talk to and revealed more about his sexual experiences which surprised me. He actually HAD some more unusual experiences for a “normal” guy, and he was totally open about his kinks, which intrigued me. I like it, when people are openminded and curious by nature, and for a young man he really was.

Not that those kinks were something for me, but it wasn’t a completely turnoff for me either, so I wasn’t scared away. Besides, it was ME who was trying to scare HIM away, not the other way around.

We continued our walk through this park, and I discovered that I really enjoyed our date. He was fun, sweet and we had no problem with keeping up the conversation, even if he was that much younger than me, and we shouldn’t have so many mutual references. But we did.

As we came back to the parking lot, we stood by the cars, talked a bit more, and when it was time to go, I noticed him hesitating a bit. I was a more experienced dater, and like I have told previously, I had decided in the beginning of the dating-game just to ask for what I want. All it takes is 2 seconds of courage. So, if I want something, I go for it.

I looked at him, saw his smile and asked him to kiss me. Or maybe I was more polite than that and ASKED if he wanted to kiss me. I don’t remember.

Anyway, I could see that it took him by surprise, and who could blame him? During the date I bluntly had laid it all out on him, and now I just asked for a kiss, like I was some diva, claiming what was hers. Not my proudest moment, but I soon forgot to think about it.

It was a wonderful kiss. The young man definitely knew how to kiss. Soft and sensually, perfectly made me long for more after our lips parted, promising a whole lot more than I had given him credit for. We said our goodbyes, and I smiled like a fool the entire way home.

I have only felt high 3 times after a first date. The first was with the Bodyguard, the second with the Biker Dude and now with Young Chef.

Clearly, he was not boyfriend-material, because of his age, but if the rest was as promising as the kiss, he just had given me, I would surely look more into that.

So … wanna guess if he was a disaster or if he surprised me? 😉

Thumbnail picture from brenkee from Pixabay