LONDON — Moderna, which is now distributing its SARS-COV-2 vaccine, will demonstrate the new coronavirus vaccine on Julian Assange between questioning and waterboarding at the London Court. Julian Assange faces trial for extradition to the United States, which charges him with violating the Espionage Act of 1917 for allegedly distributing classified U.S. documents.

“We thought ‘Wow, what an opportunity,’” a Moderna spokesperson told the Dingo. “Right now, in the middle of this pandemic, people need entertainment now more than ever. So, why not a good old-fashioned show trial with a little spice?”

According to James Patel, the lead scientist who created the coronavirus vaccine, its effectiveness is “beyond all expectations.” So far, none of the patients given the vaccine experienced any severe reactions. Moderna hopes to demonstrate the vaccine’s safety by injecting the haggard Assange with a healthy dose.

“If that mangy old schizophrenic doesn’t have any serious reactions in his condition­—after obvious torture for the better part of a decade—then your grandmother should be perfectly healthy to get a vaccine,” Patel told The Dingo.

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