OTTAWA, Canada (AP) The hard-line Liberal Party Leader and chief enforcer of its harsh interpretation of Canadian law said his ruling faction will carry out executions and amputations of hands, though perhaps not in public. He dismissed criticism of the recent brutality by his elite "Mounties" and warned the world against interfering with Canada's new rulers.

"Everyone criticized us for the horse-tramplings and beatings carried out by our Mounties, No one will tell us what our laws should be. We shall cut out their tongues!"

Among the new laws, Written criticism will result in the amputation of fingers, the number of fingers depending on how offensive the criticism is. Non-Liberals will pay crippling taxes and schools and colleges will all have to teach from Trudeau's book, "Common Ground". Any who speak against it or the party will be beheaded.

The Liberal party is currently immensely popular in Canada and As Trudeau announced these new measures to huge crowds in Montreal he was given a standing ovation which lasted 10 hours and only stopped when the Mounties dispersed it with tear gas. One Devoted Liberal crowd member described his joy at being removed from the event: "I just love being manhandled by the Mounties, they're so strong and hunky!" he said.

Our reporter will bring you more news as soon as he is out of hospital.