"Fish don't fry in the kitchen!"
 — Bloodhound Gang ft. Mark the Bagger (Mark Rothenberger) and Bam Margera; "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo"; Hefty Fine (2005)

I have an old pooch unit of about thirteen years. She's still going strong and happy enough (although a little slowed down in her old age and not as full of beans). She's a tough old bitch, by all means. 

The pooch has food allergies/sensitivities, particularly to red meat. When she eats it, she gets itchy rash spots and life generally goes hard for her and I. The upshot of that is that, having tried various dietary options to ease her affliction over the many years of her life, she's now on a specially/scientifically formulated diet of dry biscuits. That's all well and good, but the kicker is that they cost so much every month that I actually cannot afford to keep us both well-fed and healthy. Since I cannot explain the situation to her and deprive her of good food, that means that I end up bearing the brunt of it and being deprived of items that should probably be in my diet.

I'm afraid that, when it comes down to the crunch, I simply cannot keep paying almost as much for her food each month as my own when she's approximately one sixth my size when I'm at my optimum weight (which I'm currently not, not by a fireman's hat; my jeans are very loose and don't fit me at all well).

I could try her on a raw diet, but vets are divided in their opinions as to the benefit(s) thereof. To spread out the biscuits and make them last longer, I am trying her on a cheaper alternative: Fish, rice and vegetables with an egg here and there don't seem to worry her, so my landlady (whom has retired and now has time on her hands to do whom knows what, exactly) has kindly agreed to cook her a mixture of those items, which will be mixed in with her biscuits (currently the only component of her meals). Here's hoping that the change doesn't give her issues and works out as a cheaper alternative. The downside is that the cooking fish and cabbage mixture smells pretty strongly and is somewhat off-putting, even with the windows wide open and doors closed. However, my beloved pooch is worth it, in my opinion (and so am I, if it means I get to eat better while keeping her happy and maintaining her quality of life). My landlady agrees, at least as far as my bitch is concerned, and dotes on the funny little sweetheart.

The winter of our discount tents, made with NeuralBlender AI

Perhaps I might get some more meat (including fish) in my diet (and can again regularly experience the joys of fish breath and fish burps). However, I could also do with purchasing some more clothing, now that the winter of discount tents is once again on my part of the world and I get no joy from the season. (unfortunately for me, I have a metabolism like a forest fire and have had since puberty. Even when I could afford to eat well, I'd eat enough to feed two people my size. The past few years certainly haven't been good for my health and weight. Winter tends to exacerbate that and my focus becomes noticeably more centered around food and hunger.)

"And the people did feast upon the lambs ... and carp, and anchovies ... and breakfast cereals ..."
 — Book of Armaments, Chapter 2; The Holy Grail; Monty Python

Thumbnail image: Lucky Star tinned pilchards in tomato sauce