Trigger Warning: This post deals with trauma and physical assault.

That's not actually true when it comes to changing human behaviour and thinking, as it turns out.

According to the various articles I have read on various counseling, mental health and psychology sites, it is indeed possible to change one's personality/self (or perhaps, more accurately, revert to a healthy state prior to the onset of a condition for which one seeks treatment). Here is an aggregation/summary of the key points I've found:

• Although it remains relatively stable over long periods, personality (an individual's unique characteristics, including thought patterns, emotion and behavior) does change over periods (such as during adolescence or psychiatric counseling).

• It is influenced by a variety of factors, including genetics, early childhood experiences, and individual life events (not only traumatic ones).

• The results of a study (by B.W. Roberts, J. Luo, et al) indicate that medical/psychological treatment for anxiety and/or depression can change a person's personality for up to a year if the treatment lasts for over a month. Emotional stability is most likely to change, followed by extroversion vs introversion.

• Treatment for alcohol/drug addiction and eating disorders is least likely to cause a change in personality.

• It is possible that the change experienced is not a result of medication, but the experienced/witnessed change is a return to a state that existed prior to the person experiencing the affliction/condition for which they sought help.

"People often come to treatment because they feel like they're not their best selves — no longer as patient, agreeable, relaxed, or outgoing. As treatment takes hold people often describe feeling “more like themselves” again. Family members will say they feel like they have their loved one back."
 — Do People Really Change?; Psychology Today; accessed 2023/06/20 @ 17:00 SAST

• Actually achieving change of deeply ingrained traits and behaviours/habits can be much more complicated than simply identifying problem areas, discussing them and wanting to change them. Change requires consistently taking meaningful action over a long period of time. Good habits are harder to form than bad habits, both of which require time.
• In the process of being required to change, people may feel pain and resentment as a result of confronting and/or engaging with their flaws.
• Some people really cannot handle the intense pain of introspection and feeling certain things that are a result of effecting change. Thus, they do not change because that forces them to deal with those.
• In some cases, the deeper issue may be that we’re dealing not with someone who refuses to change, but with someone who is traumatized, someone whom has no desire to relive that trauma. Trauma complicates and impedes the process.
• If someone keeps on doing things that they know hurt us, or themselves, it’s hard to say how long we should keep on hoping for that person to make a change that seems increasingly unlikely. There comes a point where we must make a change and leave the relationships that don't serve us.

That point about trauma is true for me. I was assaulted in my adolescence and bullied and gaslighted throughout my life. Try as I might to deal with it (which I have to a large extent over many years) and move past it, I simply cannot. Excising that pain and rage that has become a part of me like a cancerous tumor is too overwhelming for me to bear. Even though it shouldn't be, it's part of my make-up, my identity. What am I without it?

"We can, at best, conclude that by the time we've had to raise the question of change in our minds, someone around us [or possibly us] has managed not to change either very straightforwardly or very gracefully."
 — Alain de Botton; Philosopher

• Whether you want to make small adjustments or major life transformations, moving forward and becoming a better version of yourself is definitely possible. (It's what we call personal growth.) How *difficult* it is to do is what's important to consider.

"Trait theory suggests that personality comprises identifiable, inherent traits that influence our thoughts, emotions, and behavior. These traits can be described and measured, providing insight into individual personality differences. Trait theory focuses on identifying the specific characteristics that make up an individual's personality while ignoring the underlying mechanisms that shape these characteristics.

"Psychoanalytic theory suggests that personality results from the unconscious mind, which influences our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. This theory, developed by Sigmund Freud, posits that unconscious desires and conflicts primarily drive human behavior. According to psychoanalytic theory, personality is shaped by our childhood experiences and how we resolve internal conflicts.

"Social-cognitive theory suggests that personality develops from the interactions between individuals and their environment. This theory emphasizes the reciprocal relationship between individuals' unique characteristics, environment, and the social and cultural factors that shape their experiences.

"The stability of personality traits is an ongoing debate in psychology. Traditionally, trait theory suggests that personality traits are relatively stable throughout an individual's life. However, research has shown that certain experiences, such as major life events or significant personal growth, can lead to significant changes in personality over time.

"Furthermore, other theories, such as social-cognitive theory, emphasize the dynamic nature of personality and suggest that individual behavior is influenced by a complex web of factors, including our environment, social interactions, and cognitive processes. Such factors can often lead to significant changes in personality over time, particularly if individuals are exposed to new and diverse experiences."
 — "Theories of Personality and Change"; Can People Change? Understanding Personal Growth; Better Help; 2023/04/24; Accessed 2023/06/20 @ 17:41 SAST

Barriers to Change

However, certain barriers may prevent us from achieving our goals and realizing our full potential. Common barriers to personal growth and change include some (or all) of the following:

• Societal expectations and peer pressure: Social pressures or expectations can lead to feelings of fear or insecurity that hinder personal growth. (See the point immediately below.)
• Fear of change and failure (or success): You may be hesitant to try something new or take risks for fear of failure (or succeeding in effecting a paradigm change into the unknown).
• Lack of motivation and self-efficacy: You might not have self-confidence in your abilities and feel unmotivated to pursue change.
• Limited self-awareness and introspection: It is difficult to make changes if you don't understand yourself fully or are unwilling to do so.
• Resistance to feedback and criticism: You may be unwilling or unable to take constructive criticism, preventing you from learning and growing.

• Knowing and understanding one's motivations, setting realistically achievable goals, monitoring progress and seeking out positive/reinforcing feedback are vital to fostering growth.
• Recognizing that personal development is a long and arduous journey, rather than a single event or overnight occurrence, can provide some motivation and give you the courage to embrace and effect personal change.
• With a commitment to self-reflection, an understanding of the barriers that can prevent change, and an openness to feedback, individuals may transform and improve their lives. Change is definitely possible, but by no means easy.
• Growth and transformation are only possible when we create a safe and stress-free environment that promotes self-exploration and learning.

Neuroplasticity and Change

Neuroplasticity  isthe ability of the brain to reorganize and change its structure and function in response to experiences and learning.

• A study from the University of Utah has shown that neuroplasticity can significantly contribute to personal growth and change. Neuroplastic change can occur at the chemical, structural, and functional levels of the brain. Functional changes include reorganising entire brain networks, which can lead to different/improved skills and/or behavior.
• Neuroplasticity helps create unique pathways of thought or behavior. This process can help individuals form more effective habits, cognitive abilities, emotion control skills, and social behaviors.
• Our thoughts and behaviors can be modified through mental practice (such as affirmations, mantras, meditation and mindfulness), experience-based learning and exposure to new environments.
• Research suggests that neuroplasticity can positively affect your well-being as you learn to adjust to new situations and become more confident in your decision-making.
• Mental health should be maintained for neuroplasticity to be effective in supporting personal growth and change.
• Recognizing and managing stress, dealing with emotions in a healthy manner (responding vs reacting to them), and developing positive coping strategies are all vital aspects of mental health that can help you to benefit from neuroplasticity in achieving personal growth.
• By using techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), individuals can increase their understanding of their thought patterns and behavior, gain insight into how to make positive changes in life, and learn to embrace the power of change.
• Recent studies suggest that CBT can influence neural plasticity, helping individuals break through mental barriers and achieve meaningful changes.

Since this post is already quite long, I will dedicate a separate post to the effects of trauma on mental health, change and personal growth.

Thumbnail image copyright the John Templeton Foundation