Hey Cryptofolks are ya feeling the love?  Cause we love you.  We think you are the schwoopiest, baby!  We love every little thing about ya!  The most important thing y'alls parents ever did was having you.  Thank you for joining the cause here on the superhuman Publish0x as we take the world to a higher crypto ground!  We got everything we ever needed to succeed as long as we got you babe.  Cryptonauts, they say we're young and we don't know, we won't find out until we grow, well we don't know if that is true cuz we got you babe. 

For years, the most important part of new tech for us was the ability to play punk rock love songs.  Sirius had a whole punk rock love channel !! when they shut it down we shut down our subscription.  Which was fine cause back then to get satellite radio in a whoopdi  clunker ya had to string wires up inside the windshield on little stickies... yeppers, love comes in spurts oh no it hurts!  your love is like nuclear waste !  Just for you, here's a love song! and it makes me glad to say, it's been a lovely day!  Thanks, richard hell, tuff darts, the damned.. 

We could do that all day, but we are here with y'all to ride herd on the cattle of the world's leading financial newspaper!  After yesterday's slugfest, we are saddle sore and tired, rode hard n put up wet.  Our ass is CHAPPED!!  But let's hit the trail, boots n saddles girlz n buckaroos!! 

No retraction from the FT after lying that Terra was worth 40 billion yesterday.  The Nexo/Vauld lockup blackout hits day ten, free the positive CEX news baby!  Think the FT was tired as well  from their crypto hatefest yesterday, very little fresh crypto. 

Front page secretly crypto news as always -  inflation!!  Schoolkids getting lesser lunches, Brussels lifts inflation estimates, US will crank rates even higher. 

Here's a unintentional funny - Brazil just amended their constitution so the current pres can send out another EIGHT BILLION USD in stimmy checks  ahead of the election.  NOT in this FT article, very oddly - Brazil's inflation is (officially) over 12%.  That's the worst since 2003. The FT does mention the Brazilian Real is tanking further. 

In Pakistan, the IMF just added a billion to their current bailout, and released $1.2 billion as Pakistan starts to go Sri Lankan.   The FT does list the Paki's inflation WOOOAH it's 21%. That's mighty high!  Way higher than estimates!!  Dear readers know the IMF HATES bitcoin, and we pretty much hate the IMF.  If y'all don't, skim through Confessions of an Economic Hit Man vols 1 &2.  It has a 4.6 rating on Kindle, or just check the Cliff notes and y'all too will hate the IMF, who also hates El Salvador, who we love. 

Anyway, real crypto news!! Celsius formally declares Chapter 11 from the dirty Jerz!!  Ho -hoboken!

No news, other than the formality.  Rehashs of various details. Alex the Machine maintains his radio silence.  A Celsius director repeats Alex's older  statement that locking up was the right thing to do.  Cause  this way, no one else could get out so everyone left could equally share the misery.   

The FT is calling yesterday's coverage of Celsius an investigation, with details of Celsius getting risker and riskier while lying about it. Rehash of Broken Arrows, Voyager, BlockFi and FTX TLA, and that Celsius hilariously raised $750 million in 2021 from West Cap and the second largest pension fund in Canada, for a valuation of $3 billion only half a year before they chit the bed & died. 

The real story: 

Anyone wondering if Celsius had sloppy accounting can re-read how here they declare they have between 1 and 10 billion in liabilities and assets, is that a sloppy enough range??  wow, That slop even covers statements like the FT calling Terra a 40 billion mistake when it was only twenty - oh, no, wait, no it doesn't. 

Not in this FT article, but our understanding is that by filing Chpt. 11, Celsius can go on milking the mystery amounts of money left to pay salaries to the crooks running the joint.  Which of course is  the moral opposite of Alex's statement about protecting investors. 

We are just fine with the FT saying they are doing an investigation on Celsius, tho we thought it was just reporting.  Dear readers know we love love love the FT for their courageous, dare we say without fear or favor,  earth shattering coverage of the massive Wirecard tradfi scandal.  Lord knows Celsius is worth turning over some rocks to look at the bugs & worms.  Even worth misstating Terra by twenty billion to smear crypto oh no wait that's not true. But we are all in favor, erm, favour, of pretty much anything the FT wants to investigate, they got the keys to the city for some time in our book from Wirecard. 

Overall, Judges want to give a half FU for the drone of the rehashes, but we have to give one thank you, so final rating is 0 out of 5 FUs, and maybe even a half thank you.  But Wall Street chestnut #44.9 - "One G_DD-MN-T!?? WTF!!! equals one HUNDRED attaboys. " 

Monzo scales up, but says NO to crypto!!

TLDR - startup mod bank Monzo raised funds last year, now valued at 4.5 billion. They are losing nine figures a year, but want to scale up more.  Monzo makes money from buy now pay later, but no crypto for Anil!!The real story:  Rival Brit bank disruptor Revolut launched at the same time, raised money at the same time.  Revolut is running at about the same loss rate as Monzo, but has almost twice the gross revenue.    Revolut has offered crypto since 2017, and they make revenue there. 

Not in this article, but if the law of the market is true, we note that Revolut is valued at 33 billion compared to Monzo at 4.5 billion, what's that 7x???  But surprise, surprise, Monzo has their official UK bank license, while Revolut is not so mysteriously getting effed over and over trying to get their license.  We are sure this is because crypto.  We are rooting for Revolut, but the banhammer is a mighty load to carry.  The license monkeys in the UK are giving Monzo time to play catchup with Revolut. 

Judges want to give Monzo an FU for their anti crypto choice, but it is strictly biz, nothin personal, so 0 FUs and 0 thank yous. At least the article mentioned Revolut. 

Wooo, a forecast for the Euro to "toilet currency" down another 10% in the next months to 90 cents.  Trying to banhammer crypto might slow the flight to BTC in the short term, eurolords.   But doing things like stopping Binance from opening in France will just continue to drag the EU's economy down.  Further down the long slow grind & regulatory red tape hell  that Europe has been strangling in for lo, these last forty years.  Hear us now, heed us later, we are the mighty crowdsourced Publish0x. 

Piles of money sitting on the sidelines, that could work out for crypto soon enough. 

Bridgewater says stagflation a-comin. Hide in crypto Bob, it's your only hope and wasn't here in the Seventies. 

Finally, Lex rehashes Celsius from their usual great height.  TLDR,  Celsius wants  Chpt 11 to get back to "normal,"  Lex says WTF is that?  Lex does say Celsius wants Chpt 11 to keep paying employees. Rehash, reminder Celsius has a ~2 billion accounting problem. 

Interesting questions, was there any "impropriety" before bankruptcy?  The FT reported cheezy controls. Who knows what's left for creditors? The bankruptcy lawyers are proposing divvying up funds and Celsius equity, what's that worth? 
Usually companies rush Chpt 11 to try and keep going and minimize costs. Lex thinks the courts and creditors should spend time understanding precisely how crypto lenders went bust, cause nothing is normal here.  To Lex.

The real story:  Fair enough questions, we share them.  And dear readers know we love and respect the FT's investigations.  But judges still want to give Lex at least some FU dust here.

  Dear readers AND FT readers know Revlon is a huge ( biggest in their industry) company going bankrupt right now.  And everyone knows, especially Seeking Alpha  readers (well maybe NOT FT readers) that  Perelman, the ??90% owner, has been doing boatloads of shady chit for decades as well as recently heading to court.  There is skullduggery aplenty (breaking the Revlon rule? there's a question)  to muse over.

  But in the name of morals, hell even ethics,    is Lex advocating dragging out the bankruptcy of Revlon, torturing creditors, investors, clients and employees alike?  WTF(&(&$$!!?? 

We  must have missed that column, except dear readers know we did NOT, so we smell a stinky rat Lex.  Lex would like nothing better than for the bankruptcy of Celsius to just drag on forever and ever, giving pennies back to no one at the end, death to crypto, inshallah.

We beg to demur with your columnists' opinion, is that the brit line?  We don't think the execs of Celsuis should be paid for another week , nor should Celsius be reborn.  Let the Goldman sharpies cut up what's left, take their huge vig, and let's all move on ASAP. 

Companies fail in new industries, they consolidate, why it's the law of the market LOL!!  Sorry, ya know we love ya Lexers, but judges rule one out of five FU's for calling to drag Celsius out in court, but never Revlon. 

OK, riot grrrls, peace punk and hardcore love, lol Clevelandpeace out Dave