Blockchain brothers and sisters, we love you.  Let us gather at the river of the cathedral of limitless crowdsourcing, the futuristic Publish0x.  To sing rock anthems to love and freedom from fiat.  We shall overcome.

With help from the FT editors, stooping to conquer! Dear eds: please don't dumb down vocab for us, let us suffer. Love. 

What's in today's FT cryptoworld?   Big stories not saying crypto out loud - Here's one: TLDR:  Who's in charge!?!? The IMF and don't you forget it.  Is your bad local little boy euro gummint trying to shield regular joes from the energy price shocks from world mismanagement?   They're not in charge, says the assistant director in IMF Euro.  We want all them to suffer, well except the very poor, we have already broken them.   Happy families on a budget should eat their tripling utility bills, it will help them save energy and give up fossil fuels.  

Well, until the fams moves into the car to run the engine to not freeze.  Holy chit this is sinister.  How does euro family magically switch off fossils, except buying a (coal powered, lol, but out of sight) electric car?

Skip that, zoom out.  Isn't this all something to VOTE over??    At least have a face & name to hate - IMF AD bureaucratic rat whoever you are.  Wow, the IMF now dictates to EU states.  Well ya,  or else Chris won't save yer ass.  Let your glass factories go cold and break, Germany, we the mighty IMF have decided it's better if yall are poor and busted, easier for us to control. 

Now we LOVE us ecology.  Its great that it's a felony to kill a rattlesnake or disturb bats!!   The lawsuits on wind turbines killing eagles are good news.  Dumping untreated must be policed.  Better and better air standards are fine, but this is just a power grab, which is STILL fine but let it be led by the gummints, not the @#*@&*$&^#!!!!! assistant schmo at the IMF.  

Zoom out for hypocrisy YOU ARE HEREIs our current  zit on the graph the same as the one 450 million years ago, or the one 350 or 260 million years ago?  Nobody freaking knows.  Even if we did, freezing granny in stockholm who only HAS electric heat ain't gonna stop the main pollution drivers in the world.  As kids, we were guilt tripped that car trips were gonna cause the next ice age, we'd all move underground to hide from the glaciers. 

Once saw a cave in South America.  100's of years ago rains hadn't come for ten years, cause El Nino, or who the hell knows.   Skeleton of a healthy young girl  was still in there, undisturbed.  "Given" by the people,  sacrificed by the priests.   Just like 95% farm emissions reduction the gummint wants, along with land and ??.   Did the priests really believe  the rains hadn't come back because not enough maidens to kill?  Who cares if they did!!?!?! 

Freezing ALL the pensioners is still much much less important than sunspot activity for climate change.   Human beings lived pretty much in abject squalor and poverty up until we cracked fossil fuels and steam power.  Now we are all rich but that could stop. Gotta think of something cheerier now please uhh crypto crypto ahh, a nice circular definition, THAT's better.  Where are we and what are we doing??!!?? o yeah

Changing the fabric of FT crypto coverage, one clicking chitpost at a time !!! Well, the Solana wallet disaster made the print copy, duhof COURSE it did!  Oddly, the FT lazily did not bother updating, well, anything. The real story?  Sad the FT did not update, a lotta fun!  Numbers of wallets and $$ millions of theft still rising. Looks like it was Slope, not Phantom,  if any wallet to blame, big miss there.  Trustwallet imported seed phrases from Slope.   Patch sez Slope broadcast keys in cleartext if you looked.  Could have been a supply chain hack as that includes sneaking a bogus library in.  The main attack account was set up seven months ago, ohhh... Sol now down 8%.  Get coins into cold storage, or on a GOD (on demand) soft wallet.  Cut your links AND get a new seed phrase, the correct answer to yesterday's quiz.  

AMB crypto  has the best update (aside from Patch)  link below.  The chit was on Slope's shoe.    

Meanwhile on the NOMAD scene ( not in the FT) the attackers gave back like 10% of the funds.  What a tease!! 

On with the FT: A letter published by Chas, he wants his former title in print again.  Same message, softer tone - kiss up to regulators or it will go hard on you.  This time, prompted by the Forsage MLM Ponzi scam.  It's just "shocking" to Chas.

(#&$(#*@&!! Chas.  Where's the shock exactly?  Primerica is a d-mn ponzi MLM, they caused the  foundation of Anti-MLM !!!   Amway is an MLM scam that gave up $54 million in a 2010 suit, in court in Cali again now.  Herbalife paid $200MM  to the FTC in 2016 for being a pyramid scheme, plus $20mm to the SEC in 2019, plus $123mm more for bribery.  Are you SHOCKED, chas, clutch yer pearls.  COO's are supposed to STFU and smoothly slap levers behind the scenes, not make grandiose proclamations.  Let alone EX COOs of gummint orgs where the COO seat doesn't really mean that much.   At least this letter did not repeat the lie that failed consortium R3 is blockchain.  Go back to your obscurity, Chas.

#($@*&$(*!! the SEC filed a 2020 case against DC Solar for a $910 million dollar Ponzi, the Carpoffs pled guilty.  FT, Chas are y'alls tradfi arses 3x as offended about that?  Cause OURS is.  Buffet ALONE lost $350MM on the DC Solar ESG Ponzi!! Just Warren's loss is more than all Forsage is accused of.  This is a bush league case. STFU!!! 

 The ESG must act to regain citizen trust 3X, Chas, FT!!!!!   (*$&$#(*&(!!!!  Free the Tesla ESG scam!!!  One FU to Chas, one to the Letters editors for returning to Chas like a dog to its vomit. ****** 2 out of 5 FUs!!!*****

OUT with the bad air, in with the good air, moving on in the FT.

Robinhood is closing two offices, laying off 25%,  blame it on the crypto crash, lol. ($#(#!! Robinhood.  The FT does mention robbing hoodies makes MOST of their coin from selling order flow, which the SEC is probing. 

That's it for the UK print addition. 

Online, the real action continues. 

Here's op from Lex, quickly getting the boot in on BTC:TLDR: Crypto number go down, plus Solana and Nomad hacks.  Block, Coinbase and Tesla go down. Microstrategy just took a billion dollar writeoff.  Mikey quit as CEO to be exec chair in charge of BTC acquisition. Elon boasted "diamond hands" but did not HODL, saying they still love crypto but supply chain issues. The folly of company cash in unstable digital assets should not be repeated, thunders Lex. 

The REAL story:  Block lost 75 BILLION in market cap over the last 12 months.  Block holds less than 0.1% of that amount in BTC, it's a total fart in the wind on the balance sheet.  Block is sticking with crypto, and is now considered undervalued.  (&$#(#!! off Lex, a few thousand treasury  BTC had NOTHING to do with losing 75 billion.     

Coinbase has a lotta management & other issues.  THEY lost ~65 billion in market cap since November, only ~0.05% of THAT stack was ever in crypto treasury deposits.  STFU that treasury crypto drove anything, just noise.  Obviously Coinbase is still all crypto all the time.

MIKEY still controls the Microstrategy voting stock,  and now his TITLE is to get more BTC.  Talk about bloodied but unbowed!! 

 The FT also knows full well that the ESG  kicked Tesla off of their investment indexes because proof of work.  THAT's why  Tesla set down the BTC, as stated they have not changed views on digital assets either!!!   Dear readers know It's a humdinger of a joke / lie, Tesla OFF the ESG charts while Chevron is a star and Phillips Oil is ADDED.  WTF. 

Overall, no BLATANT lies, just misdirection, omission, and spin spin spin against crypto. Fire up the team operated belt fed thumping FU mortar and give LEX a solid *****3 out of 5 FUs ***** for this "opportunistic " online pile. 

Proving our point?  Next up, Blackrock does a 180 on crypto, shows Coinbase love!! TLDR: Blackrock will hookup Aladdin to leverage Coinbase for crypto. Joe at Blackrock says big clients want crypto. Coinbase stock popped up 45% but slid back to 15% up.  Analyst Dan from Wedbush says badly needed great news for Coinbase.   David CEO of New Constructs says it's "far fetched" that institutions need more access to crypto.  Dear readers, y'all guessed it, we are here to say FU to New Constructs once again.  Remember him ? David is a known crypto hater who said "FTX is trying to save themselves" when FTX was offering loans.  New Constructs is a sleepy tiny little research shop in Tennessee that runs scripts on corporate filing comments to try to fine tune earnings estimates.  Who gives a rat's furry arse what they think about crypto. David and New Constructs missed out on the greatest investment of the century, and only gain fame now as the FT is SCRAPING THE BARREL for prima facie  reputable slaggers of crypto.  Spare us just ONCE, FT.  #!(!@&$!! New Constructs, they wouldn't buy our white labeled research distribution channel app (and still don't have one.) 

The real story here, buried down in the 13th out of 15 paragraphs?? Blackrock CEO Larry in 2017 said BTC = money laundering, "that's all it is."  FU Larry ya fink. But NOW THIS year, Larry says YUMMY!!   to clients wanting  "stablecoins, crypto assets, tokenisation, permissioned blockchains."  In April, Blackrock, with Fidelity (a known crypto LOVER) bought part of stablecoin Circle USDC. Blackrock now manages all the short term T-bills & notes backing Circle, to the tune of $54 billion right NOW, breathing down Tether's neck.  THAT fact, not even including the $54,000,000,000 part, is hidden in the VERY LAST SENTENCE. 

Judges say we can't give any FU's the article pretends to be balanced and is actually good crypto news.  We say (*$&#($&,  New Constructs, plus the article says tradfi institutions are "dabbling" in crypto.  Is running $54 bn in short term cap markets dabbling, we ask ?  Left to dear readers to decide. 

Next up - all good crypto news all the time?? YESSSSSSTLDR: Giant Virginia pension fund Fairfax Systems is going to go yield farming.  The FT is terrified, cause "$40 bn (sic) collapse of stablecoin terra, a popular tool for yield farming." Rehash Celsius, Voyager, 3AC, CDPQ.  Risky, few protections. 

CIO Katherine, in leather, says farming offers more attractive yields at the moment.  Fairfax just put $75MM into short term digital lenders Parataxis and a VanEck fund, and put $20mm in blockchain in 2019, more after that.  In typical FT fashion, hidden in the next to last paragraph?  Fairfax crypto went down 50% this year, BUT IS STILL UP 350% overall!!!   Eat that New Constructs. 

Dear readers know we want to give FU's to the FT for not saying algo stablecoin, nor stating US based ACTUAL stable coins are now 6x terra's ATH market cap peak.  Falsehood about 40bn loss in terra, gotta include Luna or that's a lie. 

But Judges back us off.  Despite the neggy spin & FUD, amazingly the HEADLINE was positive, a near FT first!  One thank you!  plus 2:1 odds this one never makes the print version, c'mon please prove us wrong FT lol....

Finally, all positive all the time Crypto News!  Will THIS make print? TLDR:  NOT in the FT article, but Henri is another crypto Renaissance man.  He was a top twenty under forty lawyer, then prof at Hong Kong U, before head of PwC's crypto.  Now in the FT,  Henri is firing up crypto Nine Blocks Capital,  picking Dubai over HK, Sing and Seoul.  FT rehash's Sing's threats to crypto, "brutal and unrelentingly hard".

Dubai, on the other hand, brought in Binance, FTX, recently a Nomura arm Komainsu, and CoinMENA. Carlton, crypto head  at Daiwa says Dubai is the "most appealing" vs "regulatory flip flops" in Sing and HK.  Earlier from the FT, CZ bought a house in Dubai. 

Wow!  Except for the Sing rehash, it's a clean unbiased positive crypto story for the FT!  Shock, awe, praise and TWO THANK YOUS!! 

The fabric of the FT  is changing, we LOVE IT!  One of these positive stories will make the print version, huh??  We can dream!  Happy enough tonight!! 

Long haul today, analysts,  but now we are all spun up on FT crypto, even the shaky online parts! 

Thanks all, peace, deep in our heart, we do believe, we shall over come!!

love

Dave