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Hello and good day to all here. Times are tough with the economic reality going on that I think we all need to have a good laugh just to lighten the mood.

This funny and embarassing story happened to my friend last December. He only revealed it to me through Facebook chat last week.

December was a month full of Christmas parties. As my friend was a food lover, he attended all the parties he was invited to. The last party he attended that month was where he ate the most roasted pig (lechon) and pasta in his whole life. You could say he was a bit of a glutton when it comes to delicious party food.

He was on his way back home to see his mom. But when he got there, he had to use the toilet right away. He felt the familiar soft blockage of a difficult bowel movement but had no idea what comes next.

That turd he got felt more like a ball than the usual cigar-shaped object. It was hard. My friend pulled all of the known tricks to try to get it out but nothing worked.

Several minutes went by and since he had been trying to push this monster out, it had his sphincter ripped open. The pain was agonizing.

Half an hour had passed by. He was grasping at the walls and his knees were shaking frantically. He was turning red all over and muttering a prayer. Sweat and tears were rolling down his face. He almost called out to his mother.

He finally had an idea. He covered his hand with some toilet paper and reached down to reach the problem by touch. The solid turd poking a third of the way out of his anus was indeed solid like a rock. He pulled up his hand and there was blood from the anal tearing.

He knew he cannot stay like this much longer or he'll pass out from the pain. So he started clawing. At first there was some paper on his hand, but eventually he was scooping out hard chunks of poop with his bare hands from his own body. He broke off enough of the nasty turd to weaken it and eventually the rest came out by chunks.

It felt like a damn refrigerator full of food was exiting his rectum. There was a a bit more blood after that. Blood, because the turd was all hard and every bit of it stuck to that turd like dry, sticky mud.

After he cleaned up, he rested on the floor for several minutes, shaking and muttering to himself. He swore off eating party food forever.

But on the city's patron saint's feast day in January, my friend was at it again gobbling his favorites. I guess he mightily recovered fast.