Official: Wall Street Journal Bans Bitcoin Forever! Satire

Official: Wall Street Journal Bans Bitcoin Forever! Satire


I refuse to link to Lee's article, because it doesn't deserve the time you might take reading it.

I give. Did it anyway.

But only because I can quote this:

"Mr. Reiners is executive director of the Global Financial Markets Center at Duke Law."

Don't walk.

RUN from DUKE before it is too late!

This has earned Gordon's "too stupid for me to write something satirical but that's what Eye Dew" award.

This is 100% true, but really shouldn't be! cuz it kinda isn't.

I am going to continue forward with my life assuming that this is a joke, and the rebound of said joke is incoming or I missed it somewhere in invisible ink.

So, WSJ actually published an article that proves that using the proper formatting for publication is not a sign of intelligence, any more than having a knowledge of what ransomware is, gives every human being a level playing field to prove that they understand it.

I'm really, truly, 100% frustrated that this is not happening April 1st, because any other excuse is that the Bitcoin Illumunati are really out in full force, creating false narratives for us all to feed upon.

The argument in this lethal attack against common sense, is that Bitcoin must be banned, because it can be used for bad things. We can live in a world with bad things, or Bitcoin, but it can't be both.

Did I stutter? No, that's really the entire argument. The WSJ does actually pay some or all, for their articles, therefore, it really is time to raise the minimum wage to $500/hr cuz poverty.

Ransomware... apparently it thrives on the illicit use of blockchain. My favorite yodling queen Whooda Thunkit weighs in.

Seriously, you think that online was 100% crime free from anonymous shake downs prior to 2009? Are there actually adults in primary civilization that think this way? Forget the energy cost of Bitcoin, is it really safe to live in a world where the WSJ can spend that kinda money on ink to print this kinda thing?

Is there a section of the paper devoted to stupid and I just didn't know bc the idea of subscribing to read something is ludicrous today?

So, that's the post: WSJ bans Bitcoin. They have the power. They did it. shut everything down. It's done.

Craig Wright is the real Satoshi which means we've all been buying into this all for the ego of a total jerk. Go home. Ransomware, you've been warned. Ransoms are now illegal, because Bitcoin.

Among Lee's astounding, brilliant observations, are that his entire social circle of crypto enthusiasts, which must number in the tens of thousands based on his vast knowledge of the subject, are all interested in cryptocurrency... wait... get this... nugget of priceless treasure incoming... in order to make money! Lee asserts that just isn't a good enough reason to have it around. Ban it! Seriously, the main reason people invest in an investment is with the hopes it might earn them something. I cannot believe this to be true!?! Someone PLEASE fact check me.

Lee, there's a position for you at the CCP and the ticket's already purchased and bags packed for you. Don't worry if the wardrobe's all wrong, it's one size fits all for where your going, and they think exactly like you!

But, that's just my opinion.

You know who else probably operates with a primary purpose to make money? Like, every single company in the free world and most operations outside of the free world. WSJ, please offer only to pay Lee in Doge coin from here on out. The world thanks you in advance.

There's also this thing called stocks, Lee. The kids call 'em stonks today, because they poke fun at everything. Kids... ban 'em, their only used for annoying parents and feeding the college education fraud. In fact, ban college! It's a scam!

No Bitcoin. No ransoms ever anywhere.

Done.

Fini.

Completo.

Now, let's work with Bill Gates to end world hunger by sterilizing the rest of the planet.

Let's improve cow farts by requiring 90% crickets in every big mac.

Let's create a CBDC-based marketplace for carbon credits to allow corporations to freely decide whether they want to join the green mafia or not; totally their choice.

But, wait, ransomware is still here.

Oh... we need to ban Mac, PC, Android and iPhones.

Wait.. ban all semiconductors.

If we ban ALL brainwaves, no one can think of a way to extort another human being.

That's it! WSJ endorses a 0% human existence policy, sets machines to auto-publish blank papers for the rest of time.

The WSJ go brrr.

And on that note, hopefully leading an avalanche of public shaming the likes of which the internet has never seen... crypto Gordon Freeman out.

p.s. ok ok ok ok ok ok  fine. copy of lunacy attached.

How do you rate this article?


8

2

BitcoinGordon
BitcoinGordon

Hi! I'm Gordon Freeman (I hear they made a likeness of me in some video game... totally unrelated... or...).


Crypto Satire -Fake News Ripped from the Headlines
Crypto Satire -Fake News Ripped from the Headlines

Daily dose of nonsense for Crypto enthusiasts. Laugh... don't laugh... Crypto wins so TIP ME for goodness sake :-)

Send a $0.01 microtip in crypto to the author, and earn yourself as you read!

20% to author / 80% to me.
We pay the tips from our rewards pool.