Edit 1: We initially wrote this whole thing as a joke, but the community actually demanded we create PEE token. In order to meet the desires and need of our loyal subjects, we actually did some real work! PEE is happening. Get ready to PEE on everyone you love! Scroll down past the original post for the updates!
Original Post:
Abstract:
While several consensus algorithms exist for the Byzantine Generals Problem, specifically as it pertains to distributed payment systems…..
Nah, just kidding.
We have zero technical experience and do not know what most of those words mean, but we do like the idea of having our own special crypto currency based around the Altstreetbets brand. We kicked around the idea of making DOGE the official Altstreet crypto, but its just too dang wholesome to taint with our immature brand. (Edit: We have now taken the stance of fuck Doge since this was initially written) We also thought about using RYO (not really), but even that's too much of a shitcoin for us.
After much deliberation, we decided the best path forward was to build something that captures the heart and soul of what we are about:
Shitposting and worthless internet points.
So, without further ado:
Introducing….
EXARPEE (PEE) is a completely decentralized, trustless shitcoin that we will create out of thin air. It has no inherent value and none of us have the skills to develop anything worthwhile using it. It will be a 100% useless coin that should send up an immediate red flag if someone asks you to pay for it. Then again, this is crypto we’re talking about, and if a straight up ponzi scam like HEX can claim to be a sound investment strategy, I suppose some idiot is going to figure out how to profit off of PEE eventually.
Maybe you can flaunt your meaningless wealth to that cute girl or guy at school or work. Maybe you tell them it is the same thing as Bitcoin? Who knows! It all depends how well you can sell a lie.
Flaunt that PEE wealth to other Altstreet users. Show off your dominance by having more PEE than anyone else. Compensate for your small penis with extraordinary amounts of PEE. We’re going to mint something like a billion of these, or maybe 100 trillion. Maybe we will just mint one PEE token and split it into 18 decimals (PEE drops if you will). We do not know yet. We have not actually done any of the meaningful legwork to figure out how to do this.
Distribution Model:
Using our crack team of knowledgeable crypto “experts”, we’ve come to a consensus distribution model that should benefit the community while simultaneously decentralizing PEE.
A distribution method we have affectionately named “YOLO Fuck it”
We are going to randomly give it away to Altstreet subscribers and whoever else we feel like PEEing on until it is all gone. We might even offer to distribute it to XRP holders. We figure they clearly did not mind the fact that Ripple pissed all over them, so why not add some more PEE to their stash. The graphic below displays a visual representation of the “YOLO Fuck it” plan.
As the creators of PEE, the Altstreets admin team will keep a small holdings (A metric fuckton to be more precise) to maintain enthusiasm in PEE development (Definitely not to dump on bagholders down the line. Who would do such a thing?)
Use Cases:
- Tell your crypto-naïve, Boomer parents that you have over a million “cryptos”. They do not need to know that it is worthless. Maybe they will get off your god-damn back for being such a loser.
- Use these as leverage in a divorce settlement. Let it “slip” in court one day that you own billions of cryptocurrencies. Get your soon-to-be Ex’s attorney frothing at the mouth and offer up those PEE coins in exchange for the house. By the time they realize you are an idiot, the judge will have hopefully hit the gavel thing which means you won.
- Tell that dick from work (looking at you Todd) that you found the next big crypto with PEE! Offer to sell him a million for an ungodly and unfair sum of real money. (We claim no liability if you defraud your friends using PEE)
- Become the life of the party when you tell everyone in the room that you were an early recipient of PEE!
*Experiences may vary from holder to holder
Road Map:
- Q3 2021: Create PEE.
- Q3 2021 through Q4 2022: Distribute PEE.
- Edit: Ahead of schedule! WHOO!
- Sometime 2023: Land an interview with Julia Chatterley on CNN. I don't know, we'll claim to have a bunch of meaningless partnerships and let some Youtube conspiracy theorists take it from there to give us some clout.
- 2024: Dump billions of PEE on the market.
- 2025 any beyond: Avoid being sued by the SEC.
Future Value of PEE:
Besides holding a special place in your heart, we have zero intention of this thing gaining value. In fact, if you think this is anything but a parody and complete satire, I’m going to need you to step away from the crypto markets for a while, and maybe go get some fresh air.
If you idiots figure out how to make something called PEE valuable than the crypto market does not deserve to live anymore.
Update 1:
We have an Actual Distribution Plan Now!
To be perfectly clear...again, there is zero intention of this gaining value. If one of you assholes finds a way to exchange this for real money, I just want the world to know that was not our plan. This concept is very fucking stupid, and if someone is willing to give another person money for this, it is out of our control. The mods will not be listing this token on ANY exchanges. We are currently deciding whether to list this Coingecko and/or Coin Market Cap (This is not an exchange for any SEC interns that may be reading this). If we decide to do this, we will post an update.
- PEE will be an HRC20 token built on the Harmony (ONE) network.
- Why Harmony?
- Harmony fees are 0.000025-0.00025 ONE per transaction. (If you can't afford that, you've probably got bigger problems and should not be reading this on the internet right now).
- There is a confirmation time of two seconds (Suck it Nano)
- Finally...have you seen the dips lately? We're all broke. We can't afford to be paying Ethereum fees. Do you think Warren Buffet is one of the mods?
- Why Harmony?
- Planned Total Supply: 69,420,141,220 droplets of PEE.
- 69 because nice
- 420 because double-nice
- 14-12-220 because ASB's birthday. (For Americans that's December 14th, 2020, because everything we do has to opposite of what the rest of the world is doing)
- What do you need to do to get some PEE?
- Harmony has two formatting standards; the harmony format, which starts with one_ and then has an address.
- The other formatting standard is ETH formatting. Which looks like your normal eth addresses and works with metamask.
- Both formatting standards are interchangeable and you can convert one formatting to the other by using the link below:
- If you want to add it to metamask, you can use the link below:
- https://docs.harmony.one/home/network/wallets/browser-extensions-wallets/metamask-wallet (it is just like any other chain a custom RPC, you must use shard 1)
- Contract in eth format (use this in metamask) = 0x087e1B11777e8612142334BE986aDb6F64aF71B5
- Contract in ONE format = one1pplpkyth06rpy9prxjlfs6kmdaj27ud43t89lh
- The initial 10% distribution of PEE will be sent to the addresses set up for POAPS.
- Tipping: Coming soon! (Check back later for this! Still working out the last kinks!)
- Distribution Plan: Here's a colorful Pie chart!
- For anyone who is color-blind or doesn't like fun:
Distribution Platform PEE Tokens Percentage Reddit 17,355,035,305 25.00% Discord 13,884,028,244 20.00% Telegram 3,471,007,061 5.00% POAP 6,942,014,122 10% Events 10,413,021,183 15.00% Tipping to spread PEE during first 2 months 6,942,014,122 10.00% Directly to mods 520,651,059.15 0.75% Locked up in smart contract 6,421,363,062.85 9.25% Development 3,471,007,061 5% Total sum 69,420,141,220 100.00%
Another Disclaimer: This is a parody. Nobody at Altstreetbets is planning to defraud investors. Go away SEC.
We have a lot of cool shit going on at Altstreetbets. Come join us in one of the awesome places below:
Our headquarters on Reddit
My personal favorite space: Our active Dicord . Seriously, the chat seems to have someone on there 24/7 and these lunatics talk about EVERYTHING imaginable.
Finally, our Twitter
Also, someone made an ASB playlist on spotify if you want to feel like a winner while you watch your savings drain away.
-The Altstreet team
