Cursed crypto satire and parody pieces by A.B. Gobling. And More!
21 Oct 2025 1 minute read 1 comment Crypto Goblin
one man’s eternal contract, now slightly discounted. The Minting Process It started as a joke. I was on my fifth energy drink, staring at a blank screen, when I thought: What if I tokenize my soul?So I did. I uploaded a single JPEG — a minimalist dra...
19 Oct 2025 2 minute read 0 comments Crypto Goblin
The Invitation It started, as all modern spiritual journeys do, with a Telegram message at 3:33 a.m.: “GM brother. You look like someone who’s ready to transcend entry liquidity.” They called themselves The Order of Eternal Pump — a secret trading co...
17 Oct 2025 1 minute read 1 comment Crypto Goblin
domestic DeFi, at refrigerator temperature. I. Discovery It started when my milk went missing. Then my fridge light began blinking in binary. When I opened the freezer, it whispered, “wagmi.”At first I thought I’d finally burned out on yield farming...
17 Oct 2025 1 minute read 0 comments Crypto Goblin
filed from somewhere in the blockchain woods The Expedition Begins It started with a Telegram DM that said, “Yo, brother, we’re tokenizing cryptids.”Naturally, I packed a GoPro, a ledger wallet, and a can of bug spray that expired during the ICO boo...
16 Oct 2025 2 minute read 0 comments Crypto Goblin
Whitepaper v0.1 — Extinct But Trustworthy Abstract JurassiFi introduces a groundbreaking financial paradigm: DeFi, but older. Built on the Proof-of-Extinction™ consensus model, JurassiFi ensures true scarcity by rewarding holders who refuse to evolve...
22 Jun 2025 4 minute read 0 comments Crypto Goblin
Every market has its legends. But in crypto?They don’t wear suits. They don’t ring bells.They move $14 million in stablecoins at 3:12 AM and leave behind nothing but a chart pattern and a faint scent of yuzu vape. Welcome to Crypto Whale Watching—whe...
19 Jun 2025 3 minute read 0 comments Crypto Goblin
It started with a flutter.Then a flicker.Then 37 Arbitrum tokens in my wallet and the growing suspicion that my ceiling fan was watching me. This isn’t a metaphor.This is what happens when Mothman gets into crypto. The Drop It was 2:00 AM and I was...
17 Jun 2025 3 minute read 0 comments Crypto Goblin
People say the Hat Man only appears during sleep paralysis, delirium, or two boxes of expired Benadryl and a dream about the Federal Reserve. I say:He’s my miner now. This isn’t a hallucination.This is proof-of-shadow. Who Is the Hat Man? He’s tall....
16 Jun 2025 3 minute read 4 comments Crypto Goblin
Some people get into crypto through Bitcoin.Others through DeFi.But the real ones?They got in through faucets—the digital penny jars of the blockchain. This is the story of how I almost drowned in digital droplets chasing free coins from 87 different...
16 Jun 2025 4 minute read 0 comments Crypto Goblin
You ever hear a dial tone and feel your spine light up? You ever stare at a hardware wallet and think, “this could be a payphone”? This one’s for the cryptographic misfits. The ones who see a QR code and instinctively want to modulate it through a bl...
