Sirwin
Sirwin
Peaceful by Tobi

Everyone’s A Critic….Some People do not Want You to Lose Weight


(Photo courtesy of Tobi)

 

You’ve been dieting and maybe exercising for a few weeks, and you might have lost anywhere from one to five pounds depending on a laundry list of factors related to your personal weight loss plan. Your clothes might be a little looser and your body may be tightening up in places, your face could be looking a bit thinner. Congratulations! You are doing great and you can see progress! Great Job! Keep. It. Up!

 

Your family, friends and co-workers have started to notice. I’m sure someone has made a comment to you you. Maybe the comments were all encouraging and congratulatory. But, just maybe, some of the comments were not.

 

Surprise! Not everyone wants you to lose weight. I’ve always known this because I’ve been the recipient of comments that were less than encouraging when I have lost weight before. Even though I expect those comments, it’s always a shock when someone says something that is less than encouraging.

 

There are people who don’t like change. Some people won’t like it when you change your appearance and attitude. Some people will try to convince you that you don’t look any different. It could be jealousy; it could be that they don’t want you to be in better shape than they are. It could be that you are merely upsetting the status quo of your social set, or you are no longer considered to be in that ‘tribe’ of people who are overweight and have chosen not to address it. Or it could just be that this is your umpteenth attempt at losing weight, and they just don’t believe that it will stick or be permanent. Let’s prove those people wrong.

 

“It’s coming off,” was one comment I received when I had lost 15 pounds during this current weight loss journey. I found that less than enthusiastic and surprising, considering the source. The list of reasons people are less than supportive is endless.

 

I hope that if you do have a best friend and/or romantic partner, they are supportive and encouraging of your efforts to lose weight. I’m not going to say anything more about your partner and your weight loss journey because I want to focus on our behaviors and not the behaviors of others. I just don’t want you to be blindsided by critical people and get discouraged. Please know that you deserve people around you who will treat you with respect and who will honor and encourage what you are trying to do.

 

Another question that might blindside you is “Aren’t you afraid you are going to gain it back?” When this question was lobbed at me, the voice in my head added “like you did last time.” I was asked this when I reached my 60 pounds lost goal. My response was “it is different this time because I have planned what steps I’m going to take to maintain my weight.” The knee-jerk response would have been “Well, DUH, I’m TERRIFIED I’m going to gain it all back and all this hard work I did (over seven months now) would be for nothing” (I’m going to post about weight maintenance when I have reached my maintenance weight.)

 

No matter what is said or what is happening around us, our job is to stay focused on our goals. We are not going to let other people’s criticism, doubts and expectations get between us and the finish line. Allowing them to get in our heads and discourage us is an unwanted distraction from achieving our goals. It’s also an excuse to give up the plan when you are having a bad day or week. You will have those bad days, and it’s okay. You have to be on this journey for you, not because of what anyone else thinks. I think this philosophy can be applied to whatever you want to achieve in life.

 

The best way to deal with external BS coming your way is to IGNORE it. Whenever something less than supportive happens, it’s about that person and not about us. How sad is their life that they have to make an overweight person feel bad because they actually became less overweight? Does it hurt that someone can’t be excited that we’ve lost weight? Or that their enthusiasm is grudging or stingy? Or that they haven’t noticed? Yes, it can and does hurt sometimes, because we are merely human, and it can feel like their lack of validation means we are not progressing. Ignore. Ignore Ignore. Every day that you follow your weight loss plan is progress, no matter what people or the scale tells you.

 

While I have started this and continuing to do this for my health, I am no different from you. I want people to notice my weight loss, so I am right there with you. I think we all want our efforts to be noticed and appreciated because what we are doing is hard, requires discipline, determination and self-sacrifice. In order to succeed, however, we must accept that this weight loss journey is about us and no one else. If no one ever acknowledges the changes in us due to our weight loss, we have to understand it should have zero impact on us trying to get to a healthy weight. Our goal is good health, not a tight ass in skinny jeans (although that would be nice too…).

 

If you need the approval and validation from others in order for you to succeed, or you need your partner to do a weight loss plan with you, then you might not doing this weight loss plan for the right reasons which makes you vulnerable to other people’s opinions and more susceptible to giving up. Make the decision to commit to this because you want to get healthier and feel better. That is truly the best reason.

 

While I have a very supportive husband, he has not boarded my weight loss train. He eats whatever he wants, in front of me. What is very hard about this is that my critical personality has decided that he could stand to lose a few pounds, and should do this with me, but I admonish that judgmental voice as I would not want him to be saying that about ME. He has never been critical of my body, no matter what size it was. I’m very fortunate in that.

 

I do not let his behavior with food impact how I manage my own food intake. I’ve watched him eat pizza, burgers, a pile of fries, cookies, chips and queso, giant cheesey burritos, craft beer, and all manner of food and drink that I’ve chosen, for now, to avoid. I’ve watched all this as I ate my delicious grilled chicken salad and sipped my green tea. I do not consider his behavior disrespectful. It’s just him living his life.

 

I had a family member who had us all over for spaghetti and garlic bread, knowing I was not eating pasta or bread. I brought chicken breast and oven roasted spaghetti squash for myself to eat and ate the salad she made. Another family member made extra vegetables at a family dinner so that I would have a variety of healthy things to eat. Do not expect others to make accommodations for your diet. If they do, thank them and consider it a bonus. Do what you need to do to stay on track. Set boundaries about your eating and don’t be afraid to bring food you can eat with you to a gathering. I don’t consider this impolite. We have a medical condition that we are dealing with and this is how we choose to handle it. If someone chooses to get offended, that is about them, not you.

 

If you do get psyched out by the ‘nay-sayers’ or something else, and have a bad day/week, own it, regroup, and get back on your plan. I promise that you won’t have undone all the progress you made. Our progress is not only measured by a number on the scale and how we look. We are also changing our attitude, habits and relationship with food. Those are far more important than a number.

 

You cannot do a weight loss plan perfectly because there is no perfect plan to follow. You have to do you. You will eat things you feel you shouldn’t and feel guilty (I had four glasses of wine at a wedding in month three of my diet). You will have days where you are hungry and tired and pick something less than ideal to eat (last night I had three pieces of pizza because I was on a 6 hour drive from 4:00pm to 11:30pm through the back roads of northern New England in the dark). You will ‘have a taste’ of a food item that someone made that is high in calories. Log your less than ideal choice(s) in your app and move on. Don’t let one tiny thing you do sabotage your entire plan. This is not an “all or nothing” plan!

 

Tell yourself the next meal will be better and don’t look back.

 

For more information on what a calorie deficit diet looks like, please see my earlier post:

This is How We Do It! (publish0x.com)

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7th Decade Redhead
7th Decade Redhead

I'm 60+ years old female retiree who is finally figuring out why she's been struggling with losing weight her whole life. I want to share the lessons I learned so others can help themselves with their own weight loss struggles earlier in their lives.


60 Pounds by 60 Years
60 Pounds by 60 Years

My final weight loss attempt after 40 years of different diet failures. No shakes, no supplements, no surgery, no crazy food, no purchased meal plans, no fasting. Creating a healthier relationship with food and facing the painful truth about my relationship surrounding food. No BS, just common sense. And it worked.

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