Last night, I was contemplating about what my purpose in life is. It is one of those questions that arrive many times and make me wonder. Yesterady though, I just looked at that thought and thought: well, what is your intention? Did I actually find anything of a purpose since I have been contemplating about it? Not really. So I said: well, you just want me to feel miserable too and make me run around so I wouldn't just be happy. I saw the thought disappear in the distance and I just sat there, happy. I realized even that is just another form of keeping us outside of the present moment. Then I was wondering if I should write some smart words like: If you seek for meaning, you will be but seeking. It can't be found really. I think it is more to be created. But no more philosophy here. 

I prefer to talk about my adventures in those past 4 years. So obviously because we weren't working, we would soon run into a little monetary shortage and not have the abundance I used to have. I needed money at times though, may it be for food, for shelter, for renewing my visa. A pair of shoes maybe? But I did no longer life in normal life, where we would force ourselves to do something someone wants us to do so we get paid in paper which entitles us to buy certain goods. We come not to question who creates those papers and entitlements and tasks we use our time to complete, that by itself is a very interesting topic. Anyways, I was no longer a so called citizen, I was outside of this game. Well, I decided to jump out. And jumping out of the system, not to be 9 to 5 ing around, well, I would surely feel why many others would not understand this and certainly never life like this. Some souls, they may be considered poor but in reality might be richer than many, are forced to experience this. I did it out of free will. I let go of a system I felt dead. I faced the consequences. And it took a lot of mental strength to endure it and had I not had such good company, I would not have been able to endure it. It was, as mentioned before, a unwrapping myself and dig to the core of my being, which we do not really get paid for. I don't know how many times we would walk through the streets with empty stomachs and walking through stores just to observe the goods and goodies one could possibly purchase. I saw the rich sitting in fancy restaurants eating delicious food, without thinking about the fact that it is not promised for everyone. I saw people forgetting the good things they had, be it an intact family, a friend, a job they like, a purpose. Gratitude seemed to have become rare. Especially in my life it became a rarity. I never knew what I had until I left it willingly. You can imagine that in those moments, with pain in my stomach, I would wonder whether I might have taken a wrong turn somewhere in my life. But I didn't. I soon came to see that the rich where worried about things I did't even know, the happy families were maybe not so happy, the fed where thirsty, the family separated emotionally, and whatnot. There would be always something missing. And I become to comprehend that the poor are actually the ones, that even with all those things, can not grasp the beauty of the moment. They are captured within old patterns of worries, sorrows, frustrations that for some reason humanity plagues in large and seem not to get out of. Finding the right partner, having enough, getting there, all those things. Living my life I would certainly not have enough, my stomach would say. I didn't eat for days. My friend told me, once when I was complaining: well, you have a roof over your head. It is something a majority of people here can only dream of. I got quiet. There was no space for complaints. I could just go back to normal life. I knew this, which made it even worse. I had no one to blame but me. So here I sat, hungry. 

Now, why would someone do all this? Well, I came to learn a lot I would have never learnt otherwise. I learnt to let go. I was not the center of the earth, many things were not as they seemed, be it money, food, meaning. I learnt that I can survive by living a life in complete faith. I lived outside of a governed system, I lived in the universes law and would have to trust that everything is provided and I am protected. My god would I strengthen my trust day by day when I didn't have what I thought I should have. But I survived it all, I came out stronger than I was before and shortly I would see more and more the miraculous way the universe would indeed provide with what we needed. As hard as it was in the beginning, this life style would become easier. Hunger and not abundance in food would soon become a blessing, time would soon become so full of meaning and purpose without me looking for answers. I became more and more a person that was lead by the heart and did what would feel good instead of a fear based mentality. My friends would not comprehend, they would bitch about me to my family and I suffered from the pain I caused by choosing this lifestyle. But eventually it would stop and I saw the pain the people carried which led them to bitch about me. I was uncomfortable for most others. I was cutting edge. And my life became a question for them they didn't dare answering. My life shed light to things they preferred be hidden. I soon came to see how my relationships changed towards everyone, and with myself. 

Life is a beautiful, mysterious and intense experience. Be of awareness that, created after the cosmos itself, humans and their consciousness is what the bible called 'created in the image of god' or as science now can see, in the image of the law that governs the universe. You are miraculous. A wonder. You are so unique. We as humans can create out of thin air, we can shed light to things out of the void, just like the big bang: let there be light. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUsDEtzZwJw