Happiness...

People say, I just want to be happy! or if I reach a certain level or attain a particular goal, I will be happy. 

But what is happiness? How can one say that he or she is happy, how can a person really experience happiness in the truest sense of the word? For once in my life I want my smile to be real 

I read books, listen to audio and even watch videos that will help me reach this pinnacle of happiness, that one point in my life where I can truly say that I am happy and content with my life. 

I see gurus, life coaches, and whatever else they are called, teach about being positive, being thankful, being happy to really begin seeing positive change in life, but sometimes, I would like to contend that no matter how hard you try, there is just something within reach but cannot be totally held, its there within the vicinity of your touch but you can't seem to reach it. 

They say that you can find happiness within yourself alone and you cannot find it in others... How do you do that? How can you really be happy and be happy for real? Where do you start, where do you begin, when you think that you've done everything you can, you've done all you could but that elusive thing always seem to be just a reach away but never ever been held. 

I'm trying, God knows I am, but whenever I feel that life is almost there to give me what I want, for me to finally be happy, something will happen, something that would go against what I'm dreaming of happening and it seems like I'm back to square one, back to grasping for something I can't seem to hold. 

I try to be content. I try to be happy where I am. I try to be even more grateful for the good things in my life but at the back of my mind, I know I want something more, I know I want something better, I know I want something. I'm not sure if I'm looking for a miracle I may never see, if all this is just that, a dream, a hope or if God will smile upon me and show me that I am indeed capable of being truly happy, truly fulfilled, truly content and truly satisfied.