Hi Everyone!
Good morning <3 I've been up for a few hours, but I've been feeling quite weak all morning. My immune suppressant injection really takes me out for a while. But I'm hanging in there. I got some food and I think I have enough strength to write out my entry for the day. I don't want to miss a day if I don't have to, writing means so much to me.
Yesterday I woke up really late, I was so beyond exhausted! My pain levels have been through the roof lately as a chronically ill person and it's been quite the struggle to get anything done.
Sitting in bed as a chronically ill person is kind of the go to. It's our usual when we don't have much left to give. Taking care of myself has been my top priority recently. I'm trying not to stress so much about my world crumbling around me. Because I know when I'm better again, I'll have the strength to glue it all back together again, possibly even create something new.
I was really out of it all day, I felt like quite the zombie. I couldn't really think or stay awake. I usually like to sit up and try my best to be as productive as I can. Whether that be by educating myself through the power of the internet, doing side hustles or making myself happy by finding something to watch or do that I find comforting. But yesterday... Yesterday I spent most of my day laying down. I slept a whole lot. I was weak. Sitting up hurt and drained me of absolutely all of my energy. Getting to and from the bathroom was a chore in itself not to mention feeding myself. I skipped out on that for the majority of the day.
My heart condition was majorly acting up yesterday. I wanted to wrap my presents since I haven't been well enough to do so yet. So I absolutely have to do that this morning. Even though I still feel sick, I actually feel worse than I did yesterday. With my heart condition acting up I was dizzy, nauseas, I could barely keep myself standing.
Yesterday was a very hard and emotional day. When my illnesses get to this point it takes a toll on my mental health as well. I found that I was just angry all day. Angry at myself and angry at the world. I don't want to be sick. I don't like feeling like this. It's hard being a "Warrior" I don't want to have to fight this battle. All of the emotions just made me want to sleep even more so I wouldn't have to feel them.
When I did wake up though I took it one step at a time by the end of my day. I got up did 90% of cleaning the kitchen and fed all the animals. I got back in bed and laid back down. I laid down for about an hour and a half before I got back up and did work on the Amazon Program. After that I seriously couldn't take the weakness, pain and fatigue any longer. I took my medicine and went to bed.
It was a hard day. It was exhausting. It was emotionally taxing. By the time this is posted it'll be Christmas. So I have to hold myself together today because today is naturally going to be a very hard day for my family with my Mamma not here and taking care of my Grandma in California. With so many members of my family dying right now and already having lost family members this year. It's been a hell of a difficult year. And I'm truly ready to hopefully find my path next year.
Got a lot to do today, but first I need to rest for a bit, writing this has made me exhausted. Oh look my friend texted me <3 I love my friends they're the greatest.
Any advice today is to take care of your health. Take care of yourself. Prioritize keeping yourself healthy. The quote goes "Make time for your wellness or you'll have no choice but to make time for your illness" something like that. But it is entirely true.
Song of the Day:
- Salem
