How I learned a valuable lesson from Mr Navy Seal and how my hopes for ever finding exciting sex were about to vanish.

With the ordeal of the mono well behind me, I started dating again. I quickly found a new potential subject, who was really fun to write with. 

Disclaimer for all who easily get offended. Yes, I call him a subject, and yes if we got further, it would be on a no-strings-attached relationship. Maybe this sounds objectifying, but we agreed on these terms in the beginning of our communication, so no one was violated.

We met up a pub and had a beer. He was really fun and interesting. Told me how he actually didn't finish his navy seal training as when there was only one month left, he nearly ripped his arm off. 

"I still have the scar," he said and with no further ado he lifted his t-shirt in the middle of the pub, showing me not just a gruesome scar from his shoulder to his armpit, but a very hairy and muscled chest.

I would have been embarrassed to have a date who stripped publicly if not my eyes kept lingering on what they shouldn’t and thinking ... Well, well, well ... This will be fun …

Like I said. He was fun, and cheeky. I love the cheeky ones. And he was a really good flirter. He and his ex-wife just split up after 18 years of marriage, and enjoyed his freedom, so our situations were similar. We had no intentions of getting involved in any committed relationship, but both wanted to explore what was out there, so our intentions were aligned.

What I find extremely important, by the way. Honesty and directness are – for me at least – very important, so nobody gets hurt in the no-strings-attached-dating-game. It also makes it easier to keep the feelings under control.

He was also aware of my rape because I was (and am) totally open about it. For my part I can’t see any reason not to share that detail.

There is very much difference on what excites people, and I didn’t want to end up with men who had rape-fantasies or similar hard sex preferences. I don’t judge people who have that. Not at all! Except for kids and animals, I can’t see anything wrong with any kind of sexual preference as long as it between consenting adults. But I am just aware that this is not for me after my experience.

The date ended, and when we said our goodbyes, he just bends forward and kissed my hand in a gallant way, which was funny to me at that time.

Next date he invited me home for dinner, and I thought that this could be very good. Nice, good-looking and charming. Sure, it would be fun and exciting! Or so I thought.

I went there, we had a real fun dinner and then the awkward time came.

It’s a “fun” moment. We both knew that now was the time where we were supposed to have sex, but both of us came from these long marriages and were not at all used to casual dating, and the silence between us dragged out.

It all felt very strange and clinically and I was beginning to wonder if I at all was cut out for these kind for relationships. There was no love (intentionally), and except for some spark and physical attraction I knew nothing of this man. Was that really what I wanted?

Luckily, he made the first move.

"I want to kiss you. Is that okay?" He asked and looked at me expectantly.

I nodded and swallowed. I felt uncomfortable but also excited and like I wrote in an earlier blog post, very much alive. From being an ordinary accountant and housewife to now dating strange men and having random sex … The excitement of this new kind of adventures made me feel alive.

He stepped towards me, and I was leaning in expecting a kiss as wonderful and tender and soft as with Mr Redhaired Young Stud.  

I was very much NOT prepared for what happened next. 

It went from zero to a hundred within milliseconds. He licked my lips with a broad tongue and then stuck it into my mouth, where it just … sat there. There was no playing around or movement. It was … just there! Like a big lump of meat.

I had NO idea what to do with that thing. Was I supposed to touch it with my own tongue, suck on it, what??? What did he expect from me? It. Was. Just. There!

I was utterly confused, but then the real fun began, and he apparently remember that normally you move your tongue, when you are kissing somebody. And then it moved. Everywhere! I felt it on my molars, my front teeth, the corners of my mouth and even on my chin.

It was just like a reunion with an over-enthusiastic Labrador.

And from there it went really fast. He dragged me into the bedroom, where he stripped more quickly than Superman. Then he started to undress me all the while slobbering all over me.

The whole ting was over in 30 minutes. In that period, I was tossed and turned into various positions, and when he came it was all over. I was wet in all the wrong places and not satisfied in any way. I am impressed that his wife endured this for 18 years.

I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

And when I got back into my car, I felt … like I had been wrestling with a walrus in a carwash, and I was completely disappointed.

Was that what I could expect from dating? Mediocre to just plain bad sex? Why then even bother? I could just go into celibacy because I was clearly not missing out on anything, and I began to think that all the tales about fantastic sex and erotic stories where just fantasies and wishful thinking.

I was full of loathing of my own behavior. Why did I even do it? And I realized that I wouldn’t ever have accepted the dinner invitation if I had kissed him on our first date.

Kissing is important to me and that …. I don’t even want to call it kissing, it was just … Brrrrr …

So … new dating rule for me. If I found the guy charming and attractive, there would always be a kiss before any second date. No more bad kissers for me! Bad kissers equals lousy sexpartners. I have no scientific statistics to back up my theory, but that was a new rule for me.

But did I even bother with a new date? This wasn’t the feelings that I was looking for. But then again, my intention with dating was also to experience new things in life, to meet exciting people and just … FEEL something new. Bad feelings are also feelings, and a possibility to grow as a human.

Deep breaths and back up on the horse.

There HAD to be a good man out there. Maybe that Mr. Doom, that I had started communicating with a couple of days earlier. If that also was bad, then it was OVER for me. Then there had to be a monastery somewhere in the neighborhood.