Are you going to join me into the both fun and frustrating world of online dating? I my tales you will encounter magicians, bodyguards, mental illness, fatal disease and even a priest. Do you dare? ;-)

Sounds exciting, right? I have had a lot of fun with dating, but I think that it is because I didn’t start the journey with the final goal of finding my next soulmate and love of my life. One needs to be clarified about what one really needs, before stepping into this jungle of strange people, needs and desires.

After 29 years of marriage, I was NOT willing to sacrifice my newfound independency and freedom by getting a new boyfriend (are we using this term, when we are in our 40’s?) who’s daily needs, smelly socks and lunchbags would be a part of the relationship.

I was set in one of two terms: Either you have a boyfriend/husband OR you are single, but man … there a worlds in between. In this day and age, you can have exactly what kind of relationship you want, as long as both you (or your) partner(s) agree on the terms and feel comfortable in it.

But right there, as I wrote my absolute first dating profile, I didn’t have a clue of what I wanted. None whatsoever.

I was afraid for the physical part because of the daterape ages ago, but I wanted (or needed, if I must be brutally honest) the flirt, the validation and the interest of a man. (I am CIS and hetero, as boring as it comes), so … again … what was the worst thing that could happen?

Okay, that is relative. I have heard my share of dates gone wrong. Awkward conversations, stalker types, idiots and even psychopaths, but if I took my precautions, I hoped to be safe. I also had my daughter to think of, even if Denmark is relatively safe.

So, I wrote the dating profile and was immediately overwhelmed by the sheer amount of bad conversation in the first letters. Oh my God … the level of communication … Okay, I am a writer, so I need to have somebody who can communicate with me, and maybe my standards were a bit high, but come on … Make an effort, man!

There was a fair amount of filtering through these guys and rejecting them as sweet as I could. Some would accept it nicely, others just kept on. If you have been on the market, you have surely met the type.

But then something happened.

This was a dating site, where you could have an anonymous profile with a fake name, and only reveal your photo if you wanted to, so I felt secure on this site. I live in a small community with an easy recognizable name, so I made two rules for my dating. I would not give out my real name or my telephone number before I had met them on a date and made sure that they were not full-blown psychopaths. Primarily for my daughter’s safety. I didn’t want any creepy men coming to my house if she was home alone.

Finally, there was a guy, who came through my defenses. He was really sweet and funny. We had a real fun conversation and when we exchanged pictures, I found him rather cute and goodlooking. Dimples and red blonde hair, nice teeth and a wonderful smile and cheeky eyes. But … young!

At that point I was 46, and he revealed that he was only 36, and I was close to reject him, but he was sooo much fun to write with. I struggled a great deal about morality about the age-gap, but he ensured me that it didn’t matter at all.

I told him about my past, my rape and anxiety about the physical part of dating, about the fact that I have not kissed anybody besides my ex-husband since I was teenager, and that I was afraid it would feel forbidden and wrong. And he was so sweet about everything.

So eventually, I accepted to go on a date with him. My first date as a single, middle-aged woman, and then with a man 10 years younger than myself …

There was equal amounts of shame and smugness about the fact that I could be seen on a date with a man so much younger than me. But then I thought … why bother with what other people think? He was fun and sweet, so f*** what everybody said. Why even succumb to what society thinks? But that was a big hurdle for me, I have always been very cautious and self-aware.  

(In retrospect … and considering my current relationship, this is actually really funny to write)

Are you ready to hear about my first date with a much younger man? And willing to make a wild guess about what happened?
Some of it, you probably can guess, but 1 thing, no 2 things, you will NEVER guess in a million years.

Thumbnail picture: Alexandra Koch from Pixabay.