Like I mentioned in episode #9, the offers on this site were mindblowing. What ever urge you could imagine, there was somebody for you.

And like I mentioned in that episode one specific aspect fascinated me, and I wanted to experiment a bit with that. This was before the caretaker, so I have f**cked up chronologically, but I hope you’ll forgive me.

You have probably all heard about “50 shades of Grey” (books or movies or both. Besides, the books were self-published and rose to insane stardom, which for self-published books is just unbelievable. I understand why, the story is very fascinating, but the writing could have used an editor. Just like this rambling in these posts, my editor would kill me, if she ever was to read this. But she is definitely not going to 😉).

Sorry. That was a side note. ;-)

Anyway … I was kind of fascinated by the whole slave/dominant thing. I knew without a doubt, that I couldn’t be turned on by being dominated. Not with the rape in my past. I had overcome a great deal, and was getting better and better with relaxing both body and mind, but with a dominant, who I should give control over my body?? Nope, not gonna happen!

But the slave part … that was quite interesting …

Imagine having a person you can just call, and they would have to come and satisfy what ever needs you would have. Somebody to do my dirty work, and then satisfy my physically afterwards. I could see the advantages in that.

I communicated with a lot of slaves and found out that there were typically 4 types of slaves. Disclaimer: these are only my own naïve observations, and this area is much more complex than I had imagined to begin with.

For me there seemed to be 4 kinds. The people, who got turned on by being humiliated. The ones, that liked the physical pain, the ones who liked to be owned and free from responsibility and own decisions, and the pleasers, who “just” liked to please.

Of course, there are crossovers and mixes, but this is what I discovered. I found this immensely fascinating, but was I able to do this?

In general, I am a very sweet person, a people-pleaser and I don’t like to harm people, neither physical nor emotionally. I am the type when having a slave running around and doing garden work, I would bring him milk and cookies. So, was I up for that?

But with everything else … babysteps.

I was blown away with some of the slaves I chatted with. There was one guy, who was willing to sell his house (he lived about 1½ hour away from me) and move to my town, just so he could serve me. We would make a contract, where I owned him 100% and could decide where he should live, what to work with and anything else in his life. Mindboggling.
He even was painting houses for a living, and I am living in a wooden house, so I was very much tempted. 😉

But I couldn’t have that kind of responsibility for another adult.

One of the slaves I chatted with, lived not far from me, and we went for a walk, just to chat about the darker world of erotic. We never became intimate, but he was up to share his views of this. He was the kind who enjoyed mostly pain and also humiliation. He showed me a video his mistress had made, where they during a séance had stuck about 30 small needles with some kind of feathers in his penis. It kind of looked like feathery dinosaur and I cringed just by looking at it. And I don’t even have a penis!
But he taught me a great deal about the mindset and told me that the slaves actually have all the power.

I was wondering a bit about that, but later I learned that it was very much true.

I wasn’t ready to dive all into this world, so unsure if that was a thing for me, but then I met the Actor. He had been involved in various movies and TV-series here in Denmark, was pretty good looking and for some reason he always played a policeman. And … who doesn’t like a man in uniform, even if it is just pretend. 😉

We went for a platonic date where he explained his – for me – rather unusual kink. We didn’t kiss or anything (what did I say about kissing on the first date?) and then agreed on a second date, where we should try his kink out.

I came to his apartment which was a total mess. Boxes and bags were everywhere, and he explained that he was just moved in (or it was actually 6-8 months earlier, but who’s counting).

We sat in his couch talking, and then he leaned in for a kiss.

His kissing was AWFUL! If I thought that Navy Seal was a bad kisser, I was wrong. Navy was miles better than Actor, and that is saying a lot about how bad it was. I couldn’t decide if I should just run, or if my curiosity would compel me to stay. Of course, my curiosity won … If there is a possibility to learn about human behavior, I can’t let that chance go by.

He wanted to be tied to the bed, which I did. Then blindfolded him, and then … his kink was that I should tickle him.

I thought that the power would do something for me, but it didn’t. It was just weird. But still … there was SOMETHING, but I couldn’t figure it out.

Eventually I untied him and thought that at least I could get some kind of sex out of it, but he was sooo bad at everything, so I just went home. We wrote together after that, even as I said that we shouldn’t continue our dating (I never told him it was because of the bad sex). We still are in contact with each other from time to time. He has found a girlfriend, and I hope they are happy together.

He was definitely not the one, but I was not ready to let this experiment go, and at that point I was chatting with another slave, who intrigued me. He was way more fun than Actor and extremely willing to do very strange things …

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