Long and rambling word salads are a well-known and frequently observed issue on many of the popular blogging sites available on the Web today. Does a decent education and a copy of Strunk and White's Elements of Style offer any reprieve from this situation? I certainly hope so, but I have my doubts.

Personally, I see a lot of rambling and incoherent word salad posts flung up on blogging sites all over the Web (and not just on for-pay ones like Read.cash and Pub0x). I think that the problem stems from a number of factors:

• The writer's first (or even second) language is not English, but they're on a site that insists posts and comments be written in English (which is definitely elitist nonsense). They end up using a translation service that has poor support for their language. Given that I sometimes struggle to adequately express myself clearly and concisely in English, I understand. If you drop a disclaimer to the effect of "Sorry for my poor English; it's not my first language", I'll give you a free pass. I'm not taking aim at you. My gripe is with native speakers/writers who really have no valid excuse. It's alright, Hans; let's offset that pig, ja?!
• People don't take their education seriously, particularly when it comes to language. Who even reads books these days, anyway?
• People post from their phones and don't bother to deal with autocorrect substituting in incorrect words.
• People don't bother to edit and proof-read the content they post. Such activity takes time that they could spend flinging out yet more jumbled words in the hope of snagging a few cents in tips from fellow mono-browed mouth-breathers.
• A lot of people seem to write while high on mind-altering substances that distort their perception of reality, so they're unaware of how much sense they're not making.
• The gibberish they type makes sense to them and, as far as they're concerned, that's good enough. That other people can't parse it or wring meaning from it is not a factor they consider.
• Absolutely anyone with an Internet connection, a keyboard and a few hours to kill can sign up to a lot of the Websites out there and pound away to their heart's content, since the vast majority of sites don't even have a basic test to ascertain that applicants are actually literate and capable of forming coherent sentences, before they're let loose on the unsuspecting reader base.

Personally, I think that these individuals should invest in a copy of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style, Grammarly and make use of their browsers' built-in spellcheck feature. Hell, if the writer works for some sort of professional organisation or publication house, they can probably afford to make use of the services of a proofreader and/or copy-editor (although I pity that unfortunate fool).

However, this attitude of mine strikes many as that of an elitist, book-smart snob and a troll. Eh, whatever, cretin! If you would like me to read your words and tip, without developing a headache and foul mood, please do me the favour of educating yourself on the finer points of how not to abuse my mother tongue, shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down or get the fuck out of my feed before I block your pathetic account!

When you know what you're doing and how to compose a great piece of prose (as opposed to a wall of text riddled with grammatical, spelling and punctuation mistakes), your writing will be a pleasure to read and rise to the top of the pile for discerning readers such as myself. That's the theory, anyway, but populism doesn't work that way if most of the readership is a bunch of Neanderthal troglodytes smashing "like" and "tip" buttons. Worse seems to be better somehow, you know?

My question to you is this: Apart from the tools I've mentioned (and which I strongly suspect go ignored), do you have any suggestions as to how we curb and eradicate the tide of nonsense foisted on us by the low-effort contingent? Is there anything you use that you'd like to endorse? (I'm not opposed to spamming them with comments that are links to online dictionaries and a thesaurus or six as some sort of virtual LART, if needs must.)

I know for a fact that there are a number of tools and services (such as I have previously mentioned) with the power to help these numbskull dunces get on the right track and to restart their lives in literacy. High schools and community colleges exist, for the more extreme cases.

Maybe you think I'm overreacting and being extremely peevish/priggish about this issue. I would like to point out, however, that for persnickety and pedantic people like me (admittedly not a lot of people), online illiteracy looks like a pandemic or a kind of virus possibly comparable to Covid-19 (which I've had, by the way) and I wonder exactly what people did (or didn't do) to end up in that kind of situation. (I write and debug code for a living. Computers are not forgiving of even small mistakes, so neither am I. If it doesn't parse, it doesn't run and I don't get paid. I apply the same rules to your writing, in determining if I'll leave a tip or an error report.)

Somebody will probably come along and try to claim that it's not fair of me or too easy to think that those who have got themself into such a situation might be some kind of stupid people with a lack of seriousness. Pish posh, hogwash! If I can learn three natural languages (never mind ones for programming) to the extent of expressing myself passably in at least two of them, I'm not going to give credence to such excuses!

Sure, everyone has their likes and dislikes. Personally, I like being able to read pieces composed of paragraphs. I also like being able to read a paragraph or six without wondering what happened to the missing (or misplaced) punctuation marks. I like paragraphs to have consistent tense and be devoid of errors of concord, split infinitives and/or dangling participles. I also like for sources to be properly cited and attributed when quoted, instead of blatantly plagiarised. (A link to Wikipedia or New Scientist's home page, or worse, Google's, does not count.) I don't think I'm asking for too much, but I'm clearly in the minority here, along with "Weird" Al Yankovic.

Weird Al on Word Crimes

In such a world as ours, I don't see how the situation will improve unless someone takes a stand and points out that this lazy, slap-dash approach resulting in a proliferation of garbage is wrong and egregious. I don't see that people will be inclined to go study in order to learn the correct approach and amend their ways. This problem seems to have proliferated for decades. Be that as it may, it's something up with which I will not put, even if I'm alone in that.

I don't really know that there's any more I can write about it.

In conclusion, I don't think much is going to change. However, I can at least make this plea: People, please, sort out your shit and use the tools available to you in order to do better and write well (not good)!

Thumbnail image: Photo by Christina Morillo on Pexels