Perhaps it is this never-ending existential crisis I've been stuck in, perhaps not. What's often labelled as "mental illness" may not in fact be that. Perhaps it is a great awakening. I feel as though I live my life one day at a time, one challenge at a time. When I'm "stuck in a rut" and things feel like a "constant drag," I've been told it's depression. Depressed, like something's holding me back. But is there really something holding me back? I don't think so because I keep going, no matter what.
I've fought depression all my life, from an early age. I didn't even know what it was back then; I just thought I was "anti-social." But, as I get older, the more I realize I'm just comfortable being by myself. There's certainly nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with being reclusive. It is, however, important to keep in touch with those around you. Everyone wants to stay connected. After all, "it takes a village" to survive, to keep going. What's more is that no one can truly make it on their own. We all rely on each other, whether or not we realize it. Even if you're feeling "totally alone," you remain connected to others in one way or another. If you're watching a funny or informative video on the internet, someone posted that video with the intention for it to be viewed by others.
Sure, the way that we connect has evolved. Sometimes it seems more impersonal, for lack of physical face-to-face interaction. But the connections are still there. It's important to remember that you're never truly all alone. I'm not really sure what the point of this post is, perhaps it will connect with one person. If that's all there is, then I haven't wasted my time in writing it. I've had this thought rattling around in my head lately:
The price of infinite wisdom is infinite sorrow
Surely, this sentiment has been uttered before in some form or another. In this day and age of AI and the internet, it seems truer than ever. But the infinite sorrow part need not be true. Ever wonder how one day you can feel so down in the dumps, then the next week you have a great day? Circumstances remain the same, and the only change was your attitude. It's all about perception and how you look at things.
We can look at the world through a dreary lens, seeing all the negatives and highlighting everything that's wrong. Or, we can challenge ourselves to take a contrarian view by looking at what can be grateful for: perhaps it's The Dead (sorry, had to go there because music can such a powerful emotional release that it heals open wounds), perhaps it's having something to eat, perhaps it's people around us. I can say this: my mood has shifted just in writing this blog. I grapple with depression every single day, I'm not afraid to admit it. Sometimes I think it's not real. Sometimes I think I'm overblowing the matter. Sometimes I think it's the end of the world.
If you've read thus far, I'd like to share a video (I can't believe I'm now embracing short form blogging & video sharing, by the way). Words of wisdom from one of my favourite actors.
The price of infinite wisdom may be infinite sorrow. But you can take comfort in the fact that you don't live in ignorance. To suffer is to feel. While feelings are not facts; they are what make us human. It is when I try to erase my feelings by self-destructive means that I not only lose myself but also lose control of my feelings.
Thanks for reading, and I hope that my words have connected with someone. Carry on!
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