My cat is an amateur archaeologist, and while working on an excavation project in his litter box, he unearthed a book of ancient scrolls. I dusted the cover of the ancient tome, upon which was embossed in clear, modern English, "Proverbs of Smog."

Instead of throwing the historically-significant religious and literary find into the self-righteous, anti-intellectual dustbin of a modern educational institution, my cat and I have decided to publish the findings here, on the Internet.

Observe the Proverbs of Smog to your own personal edification and delight. The wisdom contained in this ancient book of scrolls has changed my life. The only hard part is deciding whether to roll it up, or fold it like a paper map and keep it in the glovebox.

Perhaps the answer is contained within.

(Kindly consider donating to future scientific excavations with a Zelle donation, or other means such as CashApp or PayPal, linked below. Zelle donations can be sent to me via the email address:

[email protected]

Also, my cat and I decided to stick with the original KJV. The King Jams Version of the Proverbs of Smog is the best translation of the original English, and provides the reader with the most organically-intelligent rendering of the original thought.

Thank you in advance,
Pablo Smog)

The Proverbs of Smog

Chapter One

1.  How many futures do we have to live through, before time has had enough?

2.  Termites crawl out of the woodwork; hermits crawl in through the good work.

3.  I no longer believe in the existence of bears. Bears are just people who have taken too many baths in cold rivers in the rain. It is exceedingly uncivilized. Bears do not exist. Timothy Treadwell danced alone.

4.  This is an age of extraordinary visuals, and mediocre audios.

5.  Official art is artificial.

6.  Life is not an app.

7.  Wisdom takes the long way home.

8.  A fireproof umbrella provides no protection from a broken wrist.

9.  The cruelty and hatred of the demoniac is training for the strong. By the time you finally overcome it, your heart will have learned to effortlessly float.

10.  Elevator repair and open heart surgery are sister disciplines. Never cut the cable holding your heart above the precipice. The elevator will stop beating if you let it.

11.  There will always be a Dingoland.

Proverbios de Smog

Capítulo Uno

1.  ¿Cuántos futuros nos quedan por vivir antes de que el tiempo se canse?

2.  Las termitas salen de la nada; los ermitaños entran a través del buen trabajo.

3.  Ya no creo en la existencia de los osos. Los osos son solo personas que se han bañado demasiado en ríos fríos bajo la lluvia. Es extremadamente incivilizado. Los osos no existen. Timothy Treadwell bailaba solo.

4.  Esta es una era de imágenes extraordinarias y audios mediocres.

5.  El arte oficial es artificial.

6.  La vida no es una aplicación.

7.  La sabiduría toma el camino largo a casa.

8.  Un paraguas ignífugo no protege contra una muñeca rota.

9.  La crueldad y el odio del demonio son entrenamiento para los fuertes. Para cuando finalmente lo superes, tu corazón habrá aprendido a flotar sin esfuerzo.

10.  La reparación de ascensores y la cirugía a corazón abierto son disciplinas hermanas. Nunca cortes el cable que mantiene tu corazón sobre el precipicio. El ascensor dejará de latir si lo permites.

11.  Siempre habrá un Dingoland.