I am a firm believer in giving people many chances but let's face it, not many people should be given these chances so they won't feel indulged. It's about understanding who they are and for the sake of your sanity, there are some people you have to cut loose and let go of.
Many people like going in circles and no matter how much you put yourself to help them they would keep frustrating your efforts and sometimes it's not because they intentionally wanted to but because they like learning the hard way and there is nothing you can do about it. Let's face it, some people can be so messed up that the more you help them the more terrible they get. They are not going to even put in more effort to help themselves because they have never thought highly of themselves.
Some people cannot be helped and that's because they haven't built themselves mentally. They see the worst in themselves so they think, "I am not even good in any way, so making the right choice doesn't matter." A lot of people won't change not because they cannot but it's just that they won't.
A lot happens in the mental space and if a lot is wrong there, there is little you can do to help that person. Every effort you keep putting in to get them out of the whole would keep sinking the two of you deeper. It's better sometimes to let them sink alone if they can't put in the effort to help themselves than to let them sink you too. Sinking you means you won't be capable of helping others too and no one is worth that much of a sacrifice, to put the help of others at stake for someone incapable of growth.
Over the years I've learnt to cut people off and of courses after several opportunities has been given to them to be better. When I noticed that you are not ready to grow despite expending energy on the person, I would just take a step back. When others learn the hard way and they cry their ways through, they sometimes understand what you were trying to prevent them from. Most people are clouded by their choices and would not see things the way they are expected to because of that cloud. Most people like being deceived, they enjoy the attention from those who don't value them but what can you do? No one must be forced, no one should be forced and it's okay to take a step back.
Most people confuse taking a step back with holding a grudge. They are completely different but there is a thin between that but your heart would always tell you that you are holding a grudge. You can forgive people but it doesn't mean you have to be friends with them again. You can get to the point where seeing them won't bring resentment or hate from your heart. They can just be like a flash to you...you see them...but it doesn't change much feelings in you at all.
Someone once said, "Fool me once, shame on me but fool me twice? That's a shame on me." When people fool you once, it's not by your choice because you only managed to trust someone undeserving but when they keep fooling you over and over again, then it's your choice to determine whether you can keep up with the deceit or you want it to stop.
You have a choice to make regarding your emotions, your feelings and the kind of people you want in your circle of influence. When some people are incapable of growth, you cannot force it. Until they come to terms with their reality and desire the change so much, only then can they appreciate the efforts you are putting in on them else, it won't make much impact and they would feel you are overdoing it.
Life is about choices and when people choose a certain path, please let them. Growth cannot be forced on people because when you force it, it can't produce as much result as you intended. They won't have the capacity to handle that growth when you force it on them and they might crumble. They would be worse off and it won't serve any purpose.
Beware of those who try to lie their ways out of every situation even when you know the truth already. The first thing you will know about those who are ready to change their ways is they would own up to their mistake and won't try to convince you or confuse themselves that they were in the right. They would honestly look at themselves and know that they have messed up. You will see the guilt, the remorse and the genuineness but I've come across those who show these signs but it didn't come from their hearts, so I know they are not ready for change, so it's better to let them go. They are not better off, they are not showing signs and they lie about everything, what's the point?
To err is human, I get it and to forgive is divine but when the eraser is almost wearing out totally before the pencil has even gone halfway, that's a sign that the person is overdoing it a little bit much, cut them loose. You can forgive them but you don't have to be friends with them. When some are on the path of destruction, you don't have to follow them there...after you've done everything you need to do to call them to order and they refuse. Everyone for himself or herself in this life... Move on and there is no guilt to be felt over such a person. Life is about choices so it's best you let people make their choices while you make yours too.
This post also appeared here and it's my original work on my blog on [Read.Cash](https://read.cash/@Olasquare/cut-them-loose-a4047839).
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.
Still me,
My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.
Olawalium; (Love's chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor's order.
