I’ve been on the up and running most of my life.  Going from one place to another, learning new languages, moving from one job to another, shedding old skins and adapting to new forms. Different strokes for different folks.

This way of life has been as natural to me as much as staying put in one place is for others, I guess. But, I’m a sucker for variety you know, not unlike a musician letting notes play out of a new tune to dance to. Just another someone on the quest to find who he thinks, he thinks he is.
And the longer I’ve dug, the more I’ve reckoned that that the root to this mystery is buried deeper than I could ever imagine.

Funnily enough, despite the depth itself, the answer to this mystery is easier than I thought. After all, we’re talking about identity here, so what else could I do, if not sew a proverbial label to the back of my being.
Yet again, would an answer, or any answer for that matter lead to relief?
Would it stop me from digging deeper?
Would it put an end to my journey?

I’m inclined to say no, given I’ve been on that precipice looking down every time it was time to move on and adapt to the new. To a new identity, and the planting of a new root. None of which, will ever be within my control. No responsibility over where I was born. No choice over my parental upbringing. No possibility to influence the socio-cultural environment I found myself born into. No control whatsoever.

So far, what has kept me from trailing off the edge has been the acquired awareness of what the nature of reality means to me. Learning to be that embedded code written into the program so as to function through it without any glitches, is what my idea of consciousness is all about.
And only my acceptance of what is, has given me the energy to survive and rewarded me with the knowledge that I’m just a piece of the puzzle, a fractal of a larger reflection.

Yet, feeling the need to belong to something is the ultimate paradox, because it removes oneself from their truest sense of being their own self. Alas, the moment I first realized this; it was already too late. After all, the program never stops running, and the confusion, at least in my case has always been the inevitable by-product of such a delayed insight.  

So, how does it feel not belonging to something?

In my journey so far, it’s created those existential fears that have triggered the anxiety related to my survival capacities. So, in a nutshell: adaptation is crucial. Adaptation not through strength but through knowledge. The knowledge of systems aimed at survival.

Systems that have been in place for thousands of years. Systems, yes, systems to stake humanity’s evolution as the safest bet.
A losing bet nevertheless, because constant change is that one uncontrollable variable that trumps it all.

Be it micro or macro systems, they are all just part of the frequency. Just like an electrical pulse produced by a human heartbeat.
A spiked wave of highs and lows, up and downs and one whereas none of us have any influence over any of it.

Why bother, then?
The exit strategy lies in recognizing it, feeling it and letting go.

Awareness leads to a point where we can choose our identity on a daily basis without being dumbed down by the constant interference surrounding us.

Being aware sets us free and allows us to choose voluntarily. A huge step forward towards leading an adult self-responsible life. It allows us to navigate safely within the program without us getting incorporated, corrupted or buying into it.

So, dare to be different…

Our sense of identity is in large measure conferred on us by others in the ways they treat or mistreat us, recognize or ignore us, praise us or punish us. Some people make us timid and shy; others elicit our sex appeal and dominance. In some groups we are made leaders, while in others we are reduced to being followers. We come to live up to or down to the expectations others have of us. Philip Zimbardo