I am in the process of interviewing and applying for jobs. Rejections are normal and just part of the process, just like on Tinder. Being open to getting and taking in feedback is optional but for me one, getting feedback is one of the most interesting moments.

In a recent post-rejection feedback session, a pretty clever hiring manager told me the main reason he didn’t pick me as part of his team is that based on his observations, my logical thinking paths are not predictable. He said at a certain point, I gave him the impression that my thinking process was chaotic. He also gave me some advice on how I could improve my communication skills to make my thinking process more understandable by others. Note taken.

After having this conversation, the word CHAOS got stuck in my head. I started asking myself, am I a force of chaos? Are my thinking patterns so different than the ones ruled by order?

I realized my thoughts and my life are for real, rather chaotic. I don’t resist the forces of nature, I don’t resist my own nature. Should I filter learn to filter out my impulses and act only on those that drive me to something positive? Probably, not sure if I want to.

Chaos is organic, follows the rules of nature or whatever force is out there ruling the universe. Logic and order are imposed, they are our attempt to have control. They reflect and are the result of our psychological need of being in control of our lives, of nature and of others. True, as humans we built civilization by imposing logic and order over nature. See how far logic and order brought us.

I think I am standing somewhere in the middle. I love geometry. I am in love with the computer-generated yet organic organic-looking work of contemporary digital artists like Vera Molnar and Joanie Lemercier.

...and just like on Tinder, in life, a NO now doesn’t mean NEVER. Life happens, we become more chaotic or more predictable, we find our place and yet we move on. Life is complex, never black and white. In between, we live.