everything hurts so goddamn much
and I can't breathe
and I can't pray for help because there's no god above
who'd be willing to intercede

curled up in a ball, back squirming in a way no human was meant to,
missing, found,
feet digging into the dirt to reground,
forehead pressed against the wall

and as we lost our attention spans,
instead of literary pursuits, I let loose my hands
and my heart to scream at the sky

stop it! stop!
I am not your case study,
your shining example of a torpid soul!

I won't writhe for your pleasure,
you who stand and sell at the circus tent
and yell for all to a monster behold!

me,
begging the dragonkin that inadvertently exposed me to a universe unseen
to one last time come back online
and spill to me his secrets
of how to become divine

because I claw at my chest,
stubs begging to unleash the butterflies caged within,
moths come back from pilgrimage to light
as fireballs eager to cause fright

maybe this is what it means to be whole,
to let the rage finally consume my soul