In my journey to take a break from crypto to write about something else, I now find myself wanting to take a break from the break and just write about something that takes me back to my roots. Things got deep here, folks. The shit is so deep in the basement right now, I'm wearing waders instead of my standard issue birthday suit.
"Thanks For The Help, Dad"
My brain hurts from all the pretentious assholery I have been perpetrating for the last couple days. So... Inspired by a comment I made (Which I will gleefully plagiarize), I'm gonna talk to you about the TOP 2 THINGS on the Internet and Crypto Space that simultaneously grinds my balls to dust and makes me laugh at the sight of it. Why Top 2? Because I'm a lazy bastard, and the Top 5 Whatevers is overdone. BOOM. I'm changing shit up.
In no particular order:
1.) Non-English Speaking Post Copiers For Imagined Lazy Ass Profit.
Oh. OHHHH HO HO! This one really gets me going. I mean, wow. Allow me to explain.
Sometimes, you'll get a post like this:
Oh cool, look at that! Linux Grand Master @Alexandru-Balan made a comment that was thought out and nice! And then...
What The Fuck is Going On?
Ah, maybe it's just an ISOLATED INCIDENT. Nothing to see here, right? Wait, what's this?
So, kick ass Crypto Man of Action Emmanuel writes me a great welcoming comment to Uptrennd. And Then:
Good God, They're Multiplying.
After noticing this phenomenon, my science kicked in. I MUST have an answer! So, after several days of collaboration with a team of coked up hookers, I finally had answers. The first thing I discovered is that it it really burns to take a piss now. The second thing was the reason WHY these folks do this. Follow my logic with me:
So… I think some of our esteemed foreign users whose grasp on English is… tenuous at best, believe that commenting somehow earns them something on Publish0x. When it doesn’t. Since they can’t read the disclaimer in the comment form, they don’t know that this place isn’t Uptrennd, and that their comment earns them approximately GOOSE DICK in tokens.
In a pants-shittingly hasty maneuver, they falsely assume that ALL English sentences are valid in ALL contexts. The easiest way to get to something that doesn’t sound like “plz send bobs an vagene, dis is US Tax Dept.” is to copy and paste something else, in the false hope that their comments will be graciously and happily welcomed into the fold, none the wiser.
In their minds, the cash grab is complete. Only the likes of D.B. Cooper and The Zodiac Killer have seen such villainous success!
In reality, they look and sound like a Bug Alien in an Edgar suit, asking for sugar water.
"U SAYIN WAT U SON OF BASTERD BICH"
2.) Dumbass Bullshit Advertsing That Makes Me Happy That The Brave Browser and BAT Exists.
Ah, This is a classic. I'm guessing people on the internet are SO incredibly desensitized to advertising at this point, that in order to catch your attention, they gotta do some stupid shit. Don't believe me? Go to the MSN news page in Edge (I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE for suggesting you use that), or say, Science Alert. They're chock full of abortions like:
ALL OF THIS
Apparently, Gut Doctors are telling me to throw out this one vegetable NOW. Male enhancement companies are PISSED that removing this small clog in my nutsack will transform my micro-penis into a Big Black Cock™ overnight! I can win the lottery six times and listen to ex-CIA agents tell me about the next economic collapse, and even flirt with TONS of young Asian Singles that live 15 feet from my house! A-FUCKIN-MAZING.
It's like the world has become so goddamn stupid, that advertisers have to basically talk to users like little tiny babies and retarded sexual deviants in order to get us to click on their ads and buy products we DO NOT want. They're a bunch of Troglodytic Incestuous Ass Pirates and I hate them. Then again, the stupid shit makes me laugh with anger. This is the embodiment of cognitive dissonance.
In any case, Download BRAVE. That's my REFERRAL link. They keep this shit from destroying your mind.
Thank you SOOOO much for reading this. It was a nice cathartic experience that really helped me unwind. I'm feeling pretty good now. I'm gonna finish my series in the upcoming week as a well as provide some other classic content that I love to do.
I'm getting my groove back. Feeling more "writey" than ever.
Until next time, keep you eye on the markets and tell me if that removing that clog will grow my dick. I'll take every inch I can get.