Hey there folks, after doing a bunch of research into crypto with a team of drunk people at a bar near MIT, I have decided to move forward with my own CryptoCurrency project. I hope you read my Whitepaper and invest in my ICO!
(EDIT: Ignore that last part. My lawyer tells me that I cannot have an ICO because of "legal reasons" or something. Okay, fine. Call it a "Hey, here's a coin. Give me a little cash. Not for the coin, though" Event.)
No Horsesh*t Coin: A Feeless, UnderCentralized, No-Business Buzzword Digital Currency for People Who Want Money.
There's a problem in Cryptocurrency today. Everyone is doing it and it is getting more and more complicated. It is almost to the point where nobody knows what's going on and you need at least a degree in computer science in order to consider your due diligence more than a just light reading on Sunday. No Horsesh*t Coin is feeless, fearless, and doesn't talk shit about Total.
Like This Guy.
ME TO PEER GOODNESS
The blockchain itself is based on a Me-To-Peer (M2P) Delegated Proof of Stake mechanism that I developed called the FCKYU consenus protocol. Essentially, a core computer (run by me) delegates the stake and you get the stake. Prove to me you have stake in No Horsesh*t Coin and I'll agree that you have it. Wanna make a transaction? Cool, go ahead. Give your mom or grandma a No Horsesh*t Coin. The transaction is instant, no horsing around with waiting for the transaction to confirm on the blockchain. No miners to pay. Just sweet Horsesh*t in your wallet. No questions asked.
So, what are the rewards for showing me you have stake? Well, then you get to have more, which brings me to my next point.
GETTING YOUR CUT
I'm a generous guy. I want you to have money. So all you have to do is send an email to GimmeADamnCoin@NHSCoin.net. This request will be answered after 5 minutes. You gotta wait 5 minutes to receive the coin. Don't ask for it for 5 minutes. Then, though the power of robotics and AI, I will have a pneumatic powered robo-hand roll a boggle dice board and analyze it with machine vision. That's the key for the transaction. Worried about the security? Don't be. There are over 2^69 possible Boggle Boards. Ain't nobody gonna guess that.
The blockchain is updated daily in the system, keeping track of all the transactions. I picked up a really nice group of locals from the Home Depot Parking Lot about 6 O'Clock this morning. They get paid 20 bucks a day to write all the transactions down on square pieces of cardboard connected with duct tape. I then take a Polaroid picture of each and scan them individually into the blockchain database.
Why do something so absurdly roundabout in order to keep a ledger of transactions? Simple. The hackers would have to become burglars to get access to it. I have set up a separate building where I house the workers and booby trapped the exits Home Alone style. They wouldn't expect this. Now, Carlos did burn his hand on the doorknob, and I could tell he was angry because of the colorful use of his native tongue. I DID tell him to dodge the paint cans and use the back door. He didn't listen to me. Proved the heating element works well though.
True security at your fingertips.
WHATS THE COIN SUPPLY?
107. I'll mint more once I figure out how to get the 3D printer to stop printing dicks.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR USE CASE?
Do you read? It's for people who want money. Do you want money? Stop asking so many questions.
WHAT'S THE CURRENT PRICE?
How much do you got? Through a complex algorithm that I run on an Excel Spreadsheet, the price of No Horsesh*t Coin will change based on the price paid for it.. er.. I mean the money you give me that's not for the coins.
Want more value? Just give me more money and I'll make it happen.. I mean the "Algorithms" will calculate the base price.
HOW WILL YOU PREVENT FORKING?
Oh God, you've been talking to Bill haven't you? That skeezy bastard has been after my idea since day one. It was all fun and games when we partnered up to get into the crypto business, and then one day he up and said that he's gonna do his own thing because my ideas for the project were "stupid" and "you don't literally write the blockchain out on cardboard using illegal aliens". What a dork. I didn't hire aliens. They're from Mexico!
Do NOT invest in Bill! He sold the idea to a group of high and mighty "Ivory Tower" academics in California. He wanted them to call it Horsesh*t Diamond or something, but I guess the name was too sophomoric for their taste. I heard they changed it to the PieNet, or something like that. Charlatans.
Bitcoin? So yesterday. Ethereum? Big snoozefest. If you want to sleep at night knowing your money is in a safe and solid investment for the future, You need a coin that doesn't take any Horsesh*t from nobody. You want a coin that makes it.
I'm always open for questions, don't be shy to ask. Like I always say, There is no such thing as a Horsesh*t question until you ask it.
Thanks for reading. I Really, really appreciate it. This entire post was inspired by a desire to make a metallic shining shitting horse ass in GIMP.