(IJCH) "Why is it OK?" (A Personal Rant-Fest)


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IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (meaning: My warped, personal opinions and musings)

From the Author

Salutations. I am JaiChai. And if I haven't had the pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm delighted to meet you now.

"Why is it ok?"

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Is she oblivious or simply the anti-Christ?

Everyone hates double-standards; especially when the other party seems to "get away with murder", while you are harshly punished for minor infractions.

In my habitually cold-hearted, OCD world, I always solidify my grievances in writing. It seems that I can judge things more objectively when things are in black and white; bluntly staring me in the face, and helping me decide if I am merely overreacting or actually have valid reasons for voicing any complaints.

In other words, for me at least, after seeing things on paper, I can act in ways that are consistent with my own personal belief system and without remorse.

Below is the list compiled in the last few hours - complete with additional information/comments that (I think) paints a picture of insidious victimization.

A condition that, when I was made aware of it and realized it fully, caused me to tell my girlfriend to step away from "that line in the sand that should never be crossed" - a line that she eventually approaches EVERY MONTH.

Cowardly Texting Before the Showdown

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(The following are text messages to my girlfriend before the face-to-face showdown)

"Why is it ok..."

  • Why is it ok for you to always be on your tablet or phone and I wasn't before? Now that I spend time on my device writing my Steemit blogs you know what it feels like, huh? I learned that bad habit from you.

  • Why is it ok when you were very late many times in the last five days and I didn't make a big fuss, but when I was late ten minutes last night, you instantly get mean and nasty?

  • What did you want me to do yesterday when I misplaced my keys? I text you as soon as I found my keys, said I was sorry, and that I was leaving my house now.

  • Did you think I should have got a motor taxi (trike), leave my house without the house key, and be even later?

  • And if I did get a trike, do you think you still would not have said your stupid, nasty things? - RIGHT AFTER I TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED AND SAID SORRY AS SOON AS I GOT THERE.

  • Also, not having your own scooter is no excuse. You used to simply text me when finding a trike was difficult and that you might be late. Why not now?

  • Why is it ok for me to wait for you to download a movie or music video at a Resto or bar with WIFI, but you can't wait ten minutes for me to finish writing and posting on my blogs without you copping a sour attitude?

"Who's Money is it?"

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  • Why is it ok for you to throw things in the shopping cart without asking me? You used to ask me beforehand. Why not now?

  • It's like you think you could slip all your "unnecessary wants", things that you know I would protest to - into the shopping cart and I would not make a scene in front of the cashier and the other shoppers behind me.

  • I don't like those kind of tactics, feeling like I'm being manipulated, and taken for granted.

  • The next time I find stuff in the cart when I'm already at the cashier that I didn't budget for, I promise you that I'll walk away from our full shopping cart and shop alone later.

  • Why is it ok for you to not tell me what the price was and give me the change yesterday when I paid for your kids food (like you usually did before)?

  • Do you think you don't have to tell me and at least show me the change now? You do.

  • And using the excuse that you were just angry at the time is unacceptable.

"Just Plain Unreasonable and Callous"

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  • Why is it ok for you to always have to backride on my motorcycle for no reason?; especially when waiting for you will make me late; and that all three of us (you, me and a kid) on the Moto is a heavy load and makes driving harder for me.

  • Why is it ok for me to wait for you at the Resto/bar near your house when I could easily meet you somewhere else that is usually closer to my house AND ON THE PATH TO WHEREVER WE GO TO OR BUY LUNCH EVERYDAY.

  • You do realize that this is done for you, not me, EVERYDAY, don't you?

  • Why is it ok for you to always need me around to do things that don't require two people? (Like food shopping or driving you somewhere.)

  • Didn't you shop by yourself and ride trikes before? Just because I am around doesn't mean you can now play "Little Miss Helpless". I have my own things to do too.

  • Why is it ok for you to go with me to places where friends are trying to have fun, just to play on your phone, act anti-social, and look angry?

  • Don't you think it's uncomfortable for me? If you aren't having fun or not comfortable, it would be better if you just weren't there.

"So, now you're the special All-Knowing One"?

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  • Why is it ok for you to make accusations when you don't know anything? What? You are the "all-knowing" and "all-seeing" one now?

  • I don't constantly accuse you - even when you have much more "unexplained" time than I do!

  • If you want, I can easily accuse you daily...

  • Why is it ok for you to think I owe you anything? I don't.

  • In fact, I hate it when I still spend my time and money on you and your kids just for you to act like a spoiled, ungrateful child.

  • I feel like a fool because I am paying for my own unhappiness!

  • It's ridiculous, basically "Financing My Own Misery".

"Are you telling me that my time is not as valuable as yours?

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  • Why is it ok for you to spend your time doing things you need to do and I can't do what I have to do without you complaining?; or worse, demand a detailed explanation to justify any period of time that you think was too long?

  • I don't nag you about things like that, do I? But again, if you want, I can easily nag you all the time...

Is it magic? No!...

The clothes don't magically get washed, hung dry, and folded - I do it.

The food doesn't magically appear in my ref and (on my command) happily run to the kitchen, hop into a pan and cook itself - I food shop and I cook it.

The dirty dishes don't magically come to life and bathe themselves - I wash the dishes.

Granted, you sometimes cook and wash the dishes. But that doesn't happen enough for me to believe that you would automatically do that all the time. And if you're moody, I know those things WILL NOT BE DONE.

Better for me not to depend on whether you are in a good mood or not (again) and just do those things myself.

Your hair that clogs the shower drain doesn't magically walk over to the trash bin and jump in - I pick it up and throw it away. (The same goes for all the sachet corners you leave in the CR).

Our food at restaurants is not magically free - I pay for it.

Using my motorcycle is not magically free - I pay for the gas, oil changes, spark plugs, and repairs, etc...

  • Why is it ok for you to interrupt me when I am obviously in the middle of doing something?

  • Don't you know how to say "excuse me" instead of expecting me to drop everything just to give you attention whenever you feel like it? I won't.

"Look in the mirror and tell me who really should be trusted or not."

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Source (Base Source)

  • Why is it ok for you to surf dating sites, but I can't surf wherever I want without you looking over my shoulder; making snide remarks every few seconds?

  • Why is it ok for you to keep saying that I'm the cause of your bad things when I am not?

  • And if you're trying to make me feel guilty of things I am not doing, it's not working. I just get angry every time you do that. And I'd rather not be around you whenever that happens.

  • Why is it ok for you to expect me to keep doing things for you, even when I feel it is unnecessary?

  • If it's important to you, but doesn't make sense to me, don't expect me to do it and be happy about it.

  • And it's even more dumb for me to do anything for you (or your kids) when you usually complain about it (e.g., Why didn't you simply say you wanted plain rice when I ordered last night at the Resto/bar, instead of Shanghai rice? I was just saving you the trouble of ordering what WE ALREADY AGREED UPON THE NIGHT BEFORE).

  • And I didn't want to waste time while you decide what to eat - again, or keep changing your mind without telling me.

  • Why is it ok that you expect me to be your personal alarm clock? If you think I will continue to wake you up and make countdown time warnings until we leave the house, you're wrong. It won't happen.

  • You are old enough to tell time and prepare yourself ahead of time.

  • It is a chore to remind you about THE THINGS I HAVE TO DO AT THE SAME TIME EVERYDAY.

  • It's more convenient and less hassling to do those things without you; especially when you end up making me late - even with countdown time warnings!

  • So why get an attitude when you're not ready in time and I have to leave without you?

"Oh yeah, right. That really makes you look mature."

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The next time I return to my house and you act like an adolescent having a pouty session (e.g., turning on the radio full blast, then slamming pots and pans in the kitchen), I guarantee that I will ask you to leave immediately and you can act like that somewhere else.

I can list more things, but I've already wasted enough time listing things I've already said to you many times in the past.

When it feels like you are COMPLICATING instead of COMPLIMENTING my life, it's not worth it to me and I feel stupid to continue doing things the way the are.

You seem to forget that I don't need your permission to spend my time and my money the way I want - IT'S MINE, NOT YOURS.

I did not work for twenty four years to earn a pension just to retire and spend my time and money like this!

And I'm certain - with your unrealistic, high-maintenance emotional needs, immature anger-coping skills, and that ugly, suspicious imagination - could not handle it if I was like every other man who still had to go to work everyday.

Seriously?

I keep saying this over and over again, but you don't hear me: If I did even one-half of the things you do and think it's ok, you would be furious.

Why ISN'T THAT ok?"

The "Non-Showdown"

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Source (Base Source)

["Real Time" now and confronting my girlfriend in person about the above grievances online.]

What did she do and say?

With a barrage of text and Facebook Messenger nasty-grams - while I am three feet away, it is clear she is not receptive to anything I wrote.

"You are the selfish one." she says, "Let's go now."

Imagine that?

"Burnt, Overcooked, Well-Done..."

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"You can put a fork in me, I think I'm done!"

By JaiChai

Thanks for stopping by.

About the Author

He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic.

In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he freefall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water.

He spends his days on an island paradise with his teenage daughter and three dogs.

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JaiChai
JaiChai

I'm a single papa actively enjoying my varied passions (e.g., Writing, Disruptive Technology, Cryptocurrency, plus more hobbies too bizarre for most folk). I live on an island paradise with my teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.


(IJCH) Life, People, and Philosophy
(IJCH) Life, People, and Philosophy

IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (Meaning: My Warped, Personal Opinions and Musings on Life, People and Philosophy)

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