Can you imagine...

Being Twelve

Laying up on the roof,

Begging the stars to make her better..

Praying with all your hope and might that she will never leave you..

The feeling of empty-ness and the shredding of your heart, that it places such a ripping burning hurt, that it becomes physical..

Just the knowledge of knowing that you will never be able to touch her again.

To talk to her or to just.... 

Hear her voice..

A song from Prince Tui Teka and Missy Teka flooded these emotions in me today, taking me back to the most heart breaking day of my life. Losing my best-friend so young.

My Mother

Title .......... OH MUM ............

Oh mum, I love you, Yes I do

Please wait, For me Mum

Ill be home, Very soon.

I never knew, Just how much, You meant to me,

Till now, Your so many, Mile's away, Across the sea.

Only god knows, where or when, we'll meet again.

To hold you in my arms, Once more

To hear, Your voice

And to see, Your smile

God, Please do keep, My mum

.................. By Prince Tui Teka and Missy Teka

Hearing this old tune, really took me back to the days when I would escape to the roof and beg for my mother to not die. For her to always be in my life and never leave me. 

I would climb up our fence post, onto our pipes (That were latched to the side of our house) and pull myself up onto the roof. 

I would just sit and cry.

Feeling the pain of how unfair and cruel god, life, the planet, It really didn't matter who's fault it was.

Everything was just. Not fair..

A Priestess within her faith, So why take a women, Who's faith was always the belief in the Father. The Son, The Holy Spirits and the Faithful angels?, Walked her talk within the church as much as she did outside the church?. Helped within the community? Raised  not only a family of 9 but every darn kid, adult, male or female that needed her and so much more. All while the world was still ridiculing her for being Maori. 

It just made me mad that she was there for everyone else and I was only allowed 13 years

It burnt me inside for the knowledge of one day, One day soon, I'd have to say goodbye to my dying Mum.

And then one day, I said Goodbye...

After 20+ years have past and I've felt all emotions for her. Hate, Anger, Heartbreak, Sadness, Happy, Grateful, Proud etc. You name it, I've probably felt it.

But there's one feeling that will never leave me and never will...

I miss My MUM