Thank you for taking the time to write. Unfortunately (for you), the Fetish Dispenser System you were looking for is out of order. Please read the intended recipient's profile and then choose one of the following options to continue:

Enter 1 to try again, this time reading the intended recipient's profile first, and then treating the recipient as a human being, rather than an on-demand sex, kink, or wank-fodder dispenser.

Enter 2 to become enraged and call the recipient one, or more, of the following: bitch, cunt, fat, ugly, stupid or fake.

Enter 3 to admit this was an obvious, poorly-written, copy-and-paste message you sent to every woman you could find.

Enter 4 to subscribe to the recipient randomly sending you shit you do not care about and in which you have no interest.

Enter 5 if you would like to donate to a charity of the recipient's choice in apology for not bothering to read profiles and barging dick-first into the recipient's inbox.

Enter 6 if there were too many big words in this message and you need to come back later after you find someone to read and explain it to you.

Enter 7 if you would like to select more than one of the above options.

To repeat these options, read the message again. Alternately, you may cease correspondence, go away and try your bullshit somewhere else.

We do not wish you well. Your call is not important to us and our operators are not standing by to respond at their earliest inconvenience.

Thumbnail image: Photo by Nitin Sharma on Pexels