Cryptonauts we love you!! Thanks for joining the watch army to laugh our way thru tradfi Pradva!
What do we get today?? In print, no crypto!! Tho we do have one funny "crypto that can't say crypto" entry: D-bank is looking shaky
TLDR: one CDS bet, and the entire market dumps 7 billy in D-bank market cap ah HA HA HA !! The CEO says deposits are "super stable" ah ha ha !!
The Real story; The central banks have hosed the bank landscape FUBAR. Here we see the banks so fragile and running scared that they have world class sized bank runs - for no reason whatsoever!!!
No more print crypto news: ok then give us some reading music:
Online then!!
Fresh new subliminal horrors = a bitcoin with a blood red euro chip and a doo doo brown background!! 
TLDR: plus neggy pics of Sammy, Sammy, Sammy!! What more can an anti-crypto agitprop intro desire??
Here we see the FT revel in denigrating crypto. Cheering as crypto companies discuss leaving and actually do leave the country. The FT goes all the way: "Now you have to prove why you are not openly flouting federal laws. " No, $(#(#&&$#, no Merican has to prove they are NOT doing ANYTHING, they are innocent until proven guilty!!
Coinbase and Gemini are headed offshore, going to Bermuda or some other regulatory haven. To the FT, even running to the islands will not work ( it will ar ar ar !) as the SEC will still getcha!!
The real story: another excuse to say (& we quote) FTX, FTX, FTX, FTX, FTX, FTX, FTX.
Moving on: rehash globix, ya ya ya
Here is an oddity. In the various crypto regs grinding thru the EU and UK, they all seem pretty bleak, boring and underpowered. Out to fix a stablecoin problem that does not exist! Let the market rule! Anyway, the FT calls these "yet another sign of the government's will to turn the UK into a crypto hub!!
That's a strange break, the FT only mentions the pro crypto drive about once a year!! No support for that statement. 
Next we grind on Binance finally giving up on buying out Voyager. Sure enough, the FT spits on Binance for telling the truth about the "hostile and uncertain regulatory climate in the United States."
The Bitcoin Defense League is paying legal bills for the btc devs targeted by Craig Wright. Not in the FT, this is a really serious funny case - Craig Wright is trying to force the devs to give him a backdoor to grab Satoshi's wallet. Also not in the FT, the case is leading to a bigger fight for bigger freedom: 
TLDR: which is pretty freaking cool. 
TLDR: yay!! ah ha ha ha!! and so in some small way, the evil that is Craig Wright has caused something to be done for the forces of good!!
In closing, the FT as always goes for the scariest graph they can find. Here's today's try, a classic FT anti-crypto frame job. 
TLDR: Scary graph huh? starts 01/22 at 175 billion, ends 02/23 at 130 billy.
Except we don't really care about the total market cap of stablecoins declining, down 30% Total market cap of all crypto is much more important ! !! And THAT graph is a LOT more boring! Total crypto market cap started 01/01/2022 at 840 billion, closed out 2/23 at 1.2 TRILLION. UP more than 30%!! Ah ha ha ha!!! 
TLDR: not such a scary graph ar ar ar !!! in closing, judges will agree to a solid 3 out of 5 FU's for this pile of slanted and spun copypasta.
Cryptonauts, we gotta go drink with our dad!!! In this awesome fishing lodge !
Peace out, love
Dave
please recruit another to the Watch Army, we appreciate it!!
@davidsawyer, follow us we will follow you!!
