Cypherpunks, we love you!!   Thanks Igor for holding the unending crypto house party here at the Pub0x!! 

Today's crypto from the POV of the greatest tradfi newspaper !! Mostly the dog not allowed to bark, plus big love for CBDCs.  We get a snotty comment from the FT editor.  The FT visits a drunken "Viking" fest in the Shetland Islands, with women allowed for the first time. As a total non-sequitur, somehow this is like a crypto confab, and don't forget to read about FTX!!! 

Your bias is showing, FT.  Whatever happened to without fear nor favor?? @$#(!$&*#(*&$(*#$&!!!!! 

Of course, the FTX bloatware,  and the Kraken story make dead trees. All the more evident this time how Gary COULD have told Kraken & Nexo & Coinbase how to file for staking.  Instead, the SEC remained radio silent in the face of questions, and then did a cash grab for tens of millions with regulation by prosecution.  Well, we reckon it all IS like the raiders coming to conquer the sleepy Brits!!!  OK whatever.  First they laugh at us, then they fight us, then we win. 

It's funny,  seems like it was JUST YESTERDAY that the FT & the UK gummint  was wondering if they SHOULD have a digital pound!?!? That's because it WAS yesterday!! But today we have TWO MORE articles saying yes, yes oh yes!!! CBDCs!!   HOW TRANSPARENT is this agitprop campaign?? Let us count the ways!! TLDR: Or better yet, let's count the lies about HOW the gummint will NOT unleash the full evil of CBDCs.  Oh yeah, trust us, the gummint will NOT do a negative interest rate even if they want to.  The gummint will NOT have full data on where every pence goes.  The CBDC's will NOT implement a BoE programmable CBDC that will control how and where money is spent. It's all for consumer protection against an uncertain world where payments are less customer friendly than today!!! 

The REAL story:  this all hits like some really bad rock n roll sex jokes.  You know, like " I didn't know she was your sister / girlfriend" or the classic " If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!!!" ( answered by: "if I had known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose." 

What an unending stream of obvious lies!!   It's actually very funny, the UK is all like IDK, maybe we will do all these horrible CBDC things cuz we are feeling cute.  The agitprop tries to soften the blow by countering SOME of the OBVIOUS reasons CBDCs are a horrible idea for the people.  Even funnier, since USDT blew past VISA and Mastercard, clearly the "payments landscape" is becoming MUCH more customer friendly!! It's the TRADFI payments system that is $#*#$&# the consumers with restrictions and Orwellian monitoring!!!   Can't audit the Fed, but ya tell us all about that 600$$ you got from selling all your stuff.  Congress can insider trade all they want but not the little people!!!

This story also repeats the STUNNING lie that crypto has no intrinsic value, while fiat of course does.   Hilariously even Wikipedia disagrees here, link below, we quote: "Fiat money generally does not have intrinsic value and does not have use value. "    Let's see: BTC is is totally transportable, secure, uncensorable, open ledger and open code defining scarcity, infinitely divisible, controlled by no one, an "intrinsic" shining star  of math genius culminating from years of research and progress in security and privacy, valued by people around the world.  Fiat, on the other hand, is pictures printed on plastic or paper, and ever expanding "balance sheets" ah HA HA HA HA  which a select group of cronies can create on a whim.  

Other misrepresentations: "CBDCs sit in wallets on smartphones or smart cards" - no that's not how crypto works.  Crypto sits on the blockchain, and the wallets are just one of many ways to view it.

Moving on before we get crabby again!  oh man we need reading music right now!! TLDL:  ahhh that's better!!  

But, um, I just want to know one thing, you ready
Why the fuck you lying? (Why)
Why you always lying? (Why)
Mmmmm, oh my god, stop fucking lying
Always lying to me (Why)
You lying so much (Why)
You're making it hard for me!!!

OK on to the NEXT installment of pro CBDCs agitprop!!!  Ready?? no us either but heyTLDR: Here the FT says why have crypto, fiat works just great!!!  The BoE is so much more robust than BTC.  "Programmable money" could be just great!! Small payments could be OK!! All that data would be super wonderful!!

The REAL story:  The FT has  never had a problem with the fiat status quo, they have been Cantillon positioned their whole life!!  Here the FT ably displays their total lack of understanding, or more likely as usual, their ability to lie like a rug to push their narrative!! just one day after they wondered if the BoE would EVER DO a CBDC!!!  What a shocker!!!

It's funny.  The elite of lil britain piled into FTX and got burned since the FCA stymied Binance's efforts to come into the UK.  The brits used Bitmex to flee sterling when the BoE and gummint caused the worst inflation in fifty years, and crashed the pound!! THESE are the "failings" we don't want to repeat.  Have an FU for implying Bitcoin is only social media crypto.  We don't even KNOW of any social media crypto since Gary crushed LIbra!!!  The FT repeats the lie that crypto "lives" on phones.  All the the benefits she imagines for Britcoin already EXIST for cryptofans. 

A real belly laugh - just a few pages ago the FT sez the BoE WON'T do programmable money.  Here they say how great it will be!! Ah HA HA HA HA!!! 

Moving on:  crypto not allowed to say crypto in the #@!#(@*& FT, ya we are getting crabby againTLDR: this is supposed to be a big pic article about the gaming industry.  Yet, the fact that Call of Duty Black Ops III multiplayer relies on cryptokeys to purchase Black Market supplies somehow got cut out!! along with any OTHER mention of the huge wave of crypto and web3 coming into gaming!!! $#(#$&*#$( $#(#$#$(& FT!!! 

The REAL story: Can you say "LIE OF OMISSION boys n girls ?? SURE you can we knew you COULD!! LInk below.  Here we see the FT totally ignore that all the good free to play games have crypto.  Plus ignoring the BILLIONS AND BILLIONS invested in crypto gaming!!! Have two FU's for this dog not allowed to bark.  The Judges agree for once!! 

Online what do we get?  a story by ever crypto hating Alphaville!!! TLDR: it's a chuckle fest!! Here we see AV rabidly attack a crypto investor for minor errors in his slide decks.  Yida claimed that he made 13.4x gains on his portfolio!! But he only made 11.5x!! 

The REAL story:  STFU AV!!  When was the last time Y'ALL made 10x on your portfolio!!!!

In a side-splitting, knee slapping funny, the FT goes SO overboard they mis-name Genesis Global Capital, and even better, have to RETRACT the lie that Yida did not make 25X on his investment in defi 1Inch!!! HE DID!!!   

 Gap made sixty million realized gains, and another 100 MM unrealized!!  here the FT is so bent out of shape over a 9mm mistake on an unaudited slide deck that they actually have to eat their lie about 1Inch.  Wakey wakey FT!!!

How funny is that?  The FT is upset about a 5% error in Powerpoint stats, yet they LIE and say Yao did NOT make TWENTY FIVE X on 1Inch!!! & THEY have to issue a retraction!! AH HA HA HA HA HAH

the IRONY!!! Lost on these monkees tho. 

Finally, TGIF!!! but that DOES mean we have to wade thru the abysmal Cryptofinance "newsletter."  Here, the headline is "we're asking if crypto donations really make a difference in times of crisis." 

The answer is OMG yes!!! 50 million has been sent to the Ukraine!!!   Chainalysis  says 5 million in crypto has already been sent to Turkey and Syria.  Elliptic says TEN MILLION more is pledged, including five million from Binance alone.  Haluk Levent, a founder of a local non-profit, is totally thrilled and tweeted about cryptonauts around the world helping out!!!   GO TEAM CRYPTO!! 

But of course that doesn't fit with the FT's NARRATIVE!!!! #$(#$(&* ing #$(#$(&!!   Here the FT plays an all too familiar card - hacking away at crypto without comparing it to real world alternatives.   They find some guy who says it has to be converted into lira.  TLDR:  Like, do these silver spooners think that the average Turk can just waltz into a western union and get a money gram?? The Western Union is a smoldering pile of rubble!!  Whereas some cellphones might work somewhere sometime!!! 

Inexplicably, the FT prints a picture of a crypto exchange in Turkey, like it's a real journalistic scoop, the new reporter found it in the first week there!!!   Well, WE are bigtime journalists TOO!!! Here's ANOTHER one right in Ankara!!! Hint, it's IN GMAPS!! TLDR: they have a five star rating as well! 

Also inexplicably, once again we have to suffer through a quote from failed Haskell programmer Stevie Diehl.  It's a bloated quote, but he sez swapping thru crypto to give Granny money won't be any cheaper than "traditional mechanisms."

You can send Granny twenty bucks in BCH, it will cost you a PENNY   and y'all will know she got it in a few seconds!!  On borrowed cellphones.  Walk into a Western Union or other poverty stricken money transfer services with twenty bucks and let them laugh at you, you condescending, arrogant, privileged #$(&#$$#&(!!!    That doesn't even cover the FEES!!! 

Once again, we are stunned by this idiot, who clearly has never once in his life sent or received a Moneygram.   Tell that to the millions of people around the world who remit crypto to third world countries every day to literally starving Grandmas.    Yessir, if you and Granny are both Chase Private Clients, it won't be that much different, except even then for the 10% haircut you will get on Chase's chitty forex rates.   AND THE BANK AND THE WESTERN UNION ARE PANCAKED FLAT!!!

oh man,  are we free yet?? No, gotta rehash anything neggy in crypto for the week.

Local Bitcoins shut down, who cares, they ran ten years, everyone has a year to get their money out, BFD. 

Kraken got held up by "your crypto or your life" Gary, who took 30m of the 160MM they made staking and drove them offshore.

FTX marsha marsha MARSHA!!

Some coinbase schmo went down for insider trading, altogether the team stole about a million in insider trading. Congress makes that in a week every week and walks away laughing insider TRADFI trading, those are ROOKIE numbers Ishan!!!

The SEC continues their reg war on crypto. The FT misses / skips the REAL story, which is the shadowbanning squeeze on banks that help anyone remotely connected to crypto. 

Three Arrows tries to launch GTX to trade bankruptcy crypto claims, man, that's OLD news.  

Finally the attempt to show a scary graph gives us the biggest nastiest darknet last year as Hydra, they did 500mm for all of 2022.  ROOKIE numbers Hydra!!  Tradfi ripoffs got all that 500MM in a single fraudulent nickel shipment!!!

OK cryptonauts, we love you.  Stay strong, take care of each other, take crazy good care of yourselves, we need you!!  bless ya if yer still hanging around, we promise to do humor or analysis or something else tomorrow!!! 

Peace out, 

Love

DAVE

please refer a pal !!! Cuz we will be here!!  Loving y'all!! 

love 

Dave