Dear crypto people: we love you!!! Thanks for being here on the Ox to forage on this crypto future for the good of all!!! 
Let's take a light walk through the pink lady's crypto views today!
Gonna have to hold our heads UP!! Crypto news won't say crypto - fiat central bank lovers keep the faith??? while mistakes were clearly made
TLDR Whoopsie!!! But at least they kept that pesky crypto outta the UK!! Not in THIS article in the FT - electrical rates in the UK are the HIGHEST IN THE WORLD?? no way can that be TRUE!!! Yes, it's true. Wow how could it not be in the third world. Is the UK third world now??
Tradfi corruption funnies - the Bulb Energy bailout tab just mooned up to 6.5 billion ! Fiat war machine follies - turns out France and Germany are working together on a new fighter, could cost 80 billion, what could go wrong?
Really deeply funny fiat follies: the state bank of Iraq literally had armored trucks running every day of the week with hundreds of thousands of Dinar bills for years?? At 100,000 in cash per trip, five trips a week, 50 weeks a year, it takes 100 years to steal 2.5 billion dinar!! But they got it done in one or two!!!
Gamer Embracer stock dumped 14% while they look at spinoffs. Why is this funny? Dear readers remember Square Enix sold OFF loads of game dev to Embracer so Square Enix could go crypto. Embracer made some snotty comment on how crypto was a lottery!!! hah ha, ner ner, Square Enix is still happy!!
The Temasek story makes dead trees, we remain steadfast in laughing our arses off at fools pretending to do eight months of "due diligence" that did not include audited balance sheets!!! 
It's very funny. LIke Micheal Moro, he seemed like a rational guy, dressed well, did OK podcasts. Then he gave Su and Kyle over two billion!! These people are by definition idiots!!! What the $##$@(&*#$ N. extra value did they THINK they were adding!!!! ah ha ha ha ha!!
we gotta move!!
The Mooch makes print, going down for 10 million in FTX that Sammy made him buy for the "bailout!" Ah ha ha ha ha!! Hey Mooch, did Sammy make ya eat a white dog turd at the same time!! ah ha ha HA HA HA !!!
Here's a fun new story!! 
TLDR: Sammy WROTE most of the bills that are up for discussion, ah ha ha ha ha !! Maybe, just maybe, we should NOT rush to drop them into law!!!!
Cuz y'all know what? It's FUNNY!! 
TLDR: Who shoulda caught Sammy? Janet sez the regular regulators shoulda caught him.
But the Fed, the FDIC, and OfaCC say go ask the CFTC or the SEC. Ah ha ha!!
A quick responder, Gary sez give me moar power and moar MONEY!!! Rostin, head of the CFTC, sez they did what they could with the authority they had. But if Congress would give us MOAR POWER!!??! QUICKLY!!! We could prevent this!!
Actual news: LedgerX, a small exchange Sammy bought earlier, stayed alive in this mess. The CFTC claims this means their regs WORK!!
The dear readers know ever despicable Brad Sherman takes a predictable shot cracking jokes about Sammy's shorts. Sammy, y'all left us open for this chit.
The REAL story: Sammy's BIZ PLAN was regulatory arbitrage & drive to monopoly through virtue signaling and massive donations!!! But his ponzi, stealing from depositors, ran out first!!
Gary looks like CHIT for wasting time doing Twitter PR like his students told him to do, playing pattycake with pop stars while Rome BURNS, baby ar ar ar !!! Janet looks EVEN WORSE for the panel she was about to do with him!! Plus AGAIN the FT skips the issue of FTX's "CEO"s daddy being frat brothers with Gary!!!!
Yeah NO article will say THAT!! Try again? Is it just us? no
TLDR: Fun details of Sequoia Cap's piteous Sammy arse kissing!! Yet now HILARIOUS !! & deleted by Sequoia, insert uncensorable blockchain joke here!! Sammy bragged he would never read a book ow !! Otherwise a rehash, Sammy as Edison in the Super bowl!! Sammy was not a genius just highly skilled at bilking.
Sammy was trying to be like Steve Jobs, or Elon, instead now he's Adam at We Work, and Liz at Theranos!
The REAL story: oh, Sammy was a genius aaight. It's funny, the FT won't touch the center of the story with a 100 foot pole! Caroline's daddy wrote most of Gary's POLICY !! AH HA HA HA HAH!!! FT won't LET THAT dawg bark!! Sammy bought everyone with donations and wrote the current proposed laws!! ar ar ar. Sammy's genius was to read the BIG room and play it like a VIOLIN, baby. Dear readers know we never liked Steve Jobs for hitting on our co-worker Jean Zippers at the east coast unveiling of the NEXT computer. Steve would not use the far superior Boston Symphony PA, instead speakers on chains! Cuz the whole REASON of the event was for Steve to power-hit on women!
There's a happy side to EVERY story baby!!
TLDR: no locals wants to talk to any press who might be against happy cryptonauts chillaxing in the island, mon. Scrabbling for news, we find the empty lot where the giant SBF HQ was supposed to be. Food delivery people say FTX were a good customer. That's about it.
Sammy's strange love circle slept on a beanbag in Albany, a gated community part owned by Justin Timberlake, golfers Tiger and Ernie & Joe Lewis. Albany won't let any drifter journos in!! Our journo finally gets a quote, lol. "Nobody is going to tell you anything about anything."
Still, our man in Nassau scored one funny: 
Two thank yous!!! Yay!!
Well, the NYT kissed Sammys butt AFTER he lost the ten billion!! And the Wash Post cried for EA, effective altruism!! NOW the FT kisses Sammy's face down ass over funding hackers in the Ukraine!! 
TLDR: the FT is obfuscating the REAL story, which is NOT fringe hackers and geolocation services shutdown. It's US drones gaining real experience fighting heavy armour. Whatever.
online alphaville hammers the trenches into MUD: 
TLDR: Insane details from Sammy's nuts tweets, and even MORE nuts texts to reporters. Sammy says it was all a front - EA, ESG, politics, him, everything.
The REAL story: like a REAL -rseh-le, Sammy says that CZ is winning only because he has a bigger balance sheet. FU Sammy, CZ won because he HAD an actual balance sheet, with actual people keeping track of things. Actual things lol!!
Ahhhh baby. Strange scenes in the crypto mines. 
It's alllllll noise, just FUNNY noise!!
Funny, funny noise.
Crypto winter is OVAH, this is just the. $(*&#$(*&!!! Sammy crash that happened to happen in the spring. & Sammy is just a passing fad on the road to DeFI, don't listen to these schmoos.
We love y'all, cryptonauts. Thanks so much for being here. Please please refer a friend, thanks
ambassador link: https://www.publish0x.com?a=WZdPKv2bKg
Peace out, love
Dave
very late breaking, very short reading music Why? cause some Rites of Spring alumni went on to play in Fugazi, THAT'S why!! lol
love
Dave
