Cryptofans, we adore you.  Thanks for just being you.  We love your ways in stealing the power of money away from the bloodsucking kleptocrats, and giving it to the people, by the people, and for the people. We love you, live long, well, and prosper. Thanks for joining the Federation of the incomprehensibly powerful Publish0x!!! Let us boldly go where no cryptonauts have gone before, into the strange planet of FT crypto coverage.  Phasers set on stun.  We're gonna need em, we fear.  Nobody wear the red jersey. 

Stardate: Thursday, day 16 of the FT Vauld news blackout.  Free the news on the Singapore Two!! 

The judges are uppity truthmongers these days, and require an amplification (weasel word for correction) on yesterday's derision about NBER, the National Bureau of Economic Research.  We stand behind our conviction that NBER is at best a puppet of the central banks, and can be trusted only as far as we can throw them for truth about Bitcoin prospering. 

But TBF, not 100% of NBER members are Keynesian anti-bitcoin, pro government control powermad card carrying thievocracists, only >~ 90%.  Well, ~100% of the chairs are Chicago school MMT monkeys.  But NBER does print  up fresh fiat to pay any Nobel Laureate willing to join, the latest is Josh Angrist.

Who knows what laureates think of crypto?  NBER member laureate Milton Friedman was an Austrian style economist we forever  love for leading us through "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch" all the way to Austrian Hayek's classic "The Road To Serfdom."   Laureate Myron Scholes was a super math geek who worked above us in research at a standing desk for his back.  We rewrote his Black Scholes binomial option tree model from a single eighty page subroutine w/ no comments & deliberately obtuse variable names (think A0001, A0002...) & no key.    A friend at work started the job, went kinda nuts and got fired.  It took too long & didn't do our career any favors. The guy that hired us got fired too,  we barely survived.  But the group that took over did use our rewrite, cause modular code with subroutines.  Yer welcome, Stu, wherever you are. 

Another NBER laureate, Paul Krugman, dear readers know is a dirtbag who thinks the interweb < the fax machine.  He's a Keynesian who told Japan "turn on the printing press!! "  Paul throws out conflicting predictions, then cherry picks to proclaim genius.  John Lipsky was a hardass, except using way >%#]{!! too much mustache wax.  

But there is a giant funny!  In school on our merit scholarship, we learned life skills.   Like, how to hitchhike cross country to N'Orleans to busk during Mardi Gras!!  With a photographer pal we got a ride w/ two kids in a rustbucket, huge V8 1970 LeMans.  Found a cop's cherrytop with a roof magnet in the back seat.   Kids let us drive.  Went 110 MPH to come up behind cars going 90, pulled em over with the flasher, laughed and drove 135 to get away!!! Ya, we know. 

We love Detroit steel, & hate engine abuse, & so made the kids check the oil.  Kids couldn't find the dipstick under the rust!! Spidey sense tingling!! But the Pontiac did NOT need oil.  We relaxed - right  before cops pulled US over, the kids had swiped a cop's car!!  We freaked in  jail in Alabama.  Cops searched our saxophone, found only some cash stashed in the gooseneck.  Cops  opened a lot of film canisters, only found film (or at least ignored the one w/ drugs.)  Cops called our dorm,  got through to our bass player, who put on his best Queens Grandma voice:  "Oh no, Ossifer!  Dose are GUD boise, dey would NEVAH do anythink like steal a cah!!" 

The cops in charge, brought in from big cities like Detroit cause the town was SUCH a racist KKK center,  let us go (after pointing out the first cop to violate the civil rights of a white person.)  WTF is the POINT, Dave?? The photographer is now a Reverend, and our bass player turned out to be Josh the 2021 Nobel Laureate NBER member!  We already congratulated him, but god bless ya again, Josh.  

Crypto in the FT today!!   Sugarfix, is that you? Oh no, that's LORD Sugar, begging your pardon most high sire NOT.  Pretty funny when a House of Lords member splits to be a maybe tax exile with snotty comments from his spokesperson, who did NOT ask the FT to write about their client, and therefore is not prepared to act as their editor, further questions will not be answered.    ROFL That's some practiced class warfare chittyness right there, we can tell!!!   Perhaps something is not quite perfect in the old gummint situation there,  UK.  Ya don't have to take that chit, FT.  Good on ya. One thank you!!

Here's another clue something is rotten on the Thames, a  giant non-crypto crypto story. 

TLDR:  Everyone wants to be the global financial "centre."  Revitalize startups & high growth.  All desperately familiar, anything the Brits say Germany et al say.  Bottom line, nobody can articulate a strategic vision for the City in Brexit. The only good news, the EU is also experiencing do-nothing "strategic drift." 

The REAL story: We haven't given a chit about decimalization this century.  That's one weak value prop, with a lie about the reduced bureaucrats.  Does Helen even read the FT?  How could she write this blah without mentioning the UK's fund lobbyists begging for blockchain for mutual asset management?  Did she notice yesterday the 200 year old City giant Schroder's went crypto & the Dutch settled with Binance? 

Are we being gaslit, or actually nuts? (well, yes, and yeah, but nothing to do with this point.) 

  What have the UK regulators done lately?  They killed the nascent BLM, Binance Market Ltd, the UK launch of Binance, which now just shows a cobweb page explaining FU, Binance is legal but not based in the UK.  Like Helen, they are ignoring their own industries' pleas for mutualcoins.  We call BS on other EU members doing nothing, only the UK and Germany are ignoring crypto building ongoing in France, Italy, Spain, now the Netherlands.  Portugal is a known bitcoin tax haven, others as well.  

WTF, we got nothing against Helen except making us feel more crazed than usual due to her sins of omission.   Judges declare one out of five FU's for this nondescript pile of not futurist thinking. 

Let's see, inflation rising story #1 in the UK.  Inflation rising story #2 in the US. Inflation story #3, Sri Lanka continues.  Inflation rising story #4, Panama joins the parade!  Blocking the main highway and chanting jokes about how the kleptocrats drink expensive whiskey, that's kinda cool... 

Here's inflation story #4, in Oz. This joke writes itself, we leave the headline without comment, lol !!

OK, we agree that's getting old.  Here's the Big Read, on Crypto YAY!! 

TLDR, Zettler rode memestonk AMC on  $1k in savings and two stimmy checks.  He got up to $50K, then down to $35K, then sold and paid $20K tuition. Experts say kids know they are screwed, can never buy a house like dad,  and therefore willing to gamble. Morningstar says faced with negative rates, Jpegs of monkeys and "fake internet money" make sense.  Back to memestonks, number go up and down.  It's easy to buy crypto on "slick" coinbase.  RobinHood is like gambling.  Conflate that 90 percent of Gamestonk buyers were men with most crypto people being men.  Gamban, an app that blocks out gambling, gets in a dig at crypto, says gambling is not just on green felt anymore.  Conflation of day trading and forex with gambling and of course, crypto.  Diamond hands jokes.  One interesting stat- people between 18 and 24 are way more likely to take on risk when they think their peers are watching. An 18 year old describes pump n dump, but they think it's ok compared to how the whole system is stacked against them.  

Interactive Brokers quote says people are still using margin.  Halfway through the last col, we get to the real problem:  wealth managers feel pressure to offer crypto, but a STUNNING 70 percent of them think people should have ZERO exposure to crypto.   ZEROO!@(!*&(*&#(*!&!&(&(*????      "if your strategy is sexy, you are doing it wrong" says Georgia of Modernist Financial.  Tradfi still trying to teach "get rich slow" but the kids are OK with losing it all, and are willing to try it again. 

The REAL story:  OK we were fooled again.  Now we ARE foul. This story is not about crypto, just uses crypto to pull eyes.  Like ours.

The entire first column is all memestonks, with a brief pause to conflate memestonks and crypto, as both are counterculture.  Scr-w Morningstar saying "fake internet money," Morningstar made their first feeble foray into crypto about a month ago.  Scr-w Robinhood selling order flow and offering fake crypto. Quit all the conflation of memestonks and crypto, it's just not true.  Everyone knows gambling includes online poker, hasn't been felt tables if ever for a long long time.   Should Gamban stop Coinbase?  Eff OFF. Don't conflate forex day trading with crypto either, HODLERS are not day traders.  

The author conflates IB margin degens with crypto, but IB only offers FOUR cryptos, not exactly a degen paradise. 

The real, massive problem ?  70 percent of asset managers think people should have ZERO percent exposure to crypto.  Modernist Financial does basically ZERO crypto there in Portlandia, they specialize in being LGBQT+ and advertise targeting hipster rich kids, plus what to do after you retire as a sex worker with a million dollars.  Seriously.  Don't talk down to us, Georgia, we know THAT's a pack of lies.   

Judges are trying to talk us down, cause they know we are crabby from this total pile of chit.  We know plenty of people who have bought crypto, but never memestonks, nor even NFTs.   A balanced portfolio of blue chip crypto on DCA is WAY the hell up on pretty much any reasonable timeframe.   This pack of lies pictures a bitcoin, but never mentions BTC even once!!!!!  Shows a pic of an NFT, but only mentions them as "pet rocks", ok boomer, your mental age is showing, and it reeks of senility.   

Judges are thinking about  breaking out the tranquilizer gun, the more we think about this the fouler we get.  Not a single real crypto story nor a real crypto expert in the whole conflating stack o misdirection. 

Even from a $#(&#$($#*&!!! tradfi point of view, people like Georgia are missing the point entirely.  The kids quoted are 18.  18!!!  That means by hidebound standards, the kids ARE SUPPOSED to have 82% of their portfolio in high risk moonshots.  THAT IS sexy!  100 - 18  equals 82 percent, take a flyer,  like equities used to be before fiat printing Cantillon positioned crony -ssholes destroyed the entire market with free money!   

Since price discovery was crushed by MMT boomer buttheads at the fed, the ONLY high risk, high reward, shoot for the moon, hit the roof meaningful, fundamental value products left ARE cryptos!  Everything else is like, stock buybacks, bonds that don't work.  Memestonks are stupid indicators of loose money destroying fundamental value & analysis, replacing it with market sentiment.  But ETH is a  (&$(*#$&#$(*  harbinger of smart contracts, DeFi, and the future.  Bitcoin is STILL the greatest asset of this century, anyone ( 70% of these idiots?? @(&@#(*&@!(*&@(!!! ) who can't advocate taking a flyer on 5% of a portfolio in crypto at this point should just STFU!!  Tell it to Schroders!! Tell it to the IA!  

aaaaAAAAAAA!!! We can't even proofread this tonight, the red mist is closing in, tunnel vision, our consciousness is jumping to a place above us to look down on the conflict,  @(*&$(*!#$&!# HATE it when that happens!!  Scr-w the judges, four out of five gut wrenching FU's for this steaming pile.  It would be five out of five, except we CAN agree that the kids have been screwed.  By the same mindset that produced all this spin, slant and misdirection.  

Where is the LOVE!??!?? Hold us DOWN, publish0xers!!!  OMG!  Deep breaths, somatics.  Talk to us, brothers and sisters!!  Beam us the @$(*&@$N UP Scotty, there is NO INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THIS ARTICLE!!   

Tell us somewhere out there a DAO is starting up that will improve everyone's life, we know it.  Somewhere right now, a poor person is sending an even poorer person some much needed money without giving up more than a percentage point to any rent seeking middlemen. 

  Other people are using crypto to escape the latest fiat madness driving 80% inflation and revolution in their country.  Others, using gas that was to be flared off, instead support the hardest, most perfect money that has ever been created, free or at least free er from the perversions of empire and eternal fiat driven war.  Somewhere over the rainbow, not in this schmucky article, a rational money manager, like Pete at Schroders, is telling some youths to DCA in on an age appropriate risk balanced portfolio including plenty of  blue chip cryptos and a few moon shots for a happy retirement. Hell pete is putting together a moonshot index lol. We have a dream, people.  But if we read much more cr-p like that our heart will break and blow before we see that dream. 

Love, peace, and hope, there is always hope, 

Dave