"They just asked if I was going to have dinner, or if I had gone to bed, and I didn't even know how to answer myself whether I was going to have dinner or if I had gone to bed."
It seems like a silly thing, doesn't it? Well, I'll explain how this happens, and perhaps it happens to more people than just me (I hope so, otherwise I'll be lonely even in my indifference...).
Have you ever heard of the "liquid world" or the "liquid society," the contemporary vision studied by the philosopher Zygmunt Bauman? If you haven't, read his thoughts; it's worth the time spent. This article is about that: time.
Money buys everything these days... EVERYTHING, no matter what you tell me, I can't think differently, at least not for now, but I accept the contradiction, and if you're sure that money doesn't buy everything, then let your light shine in the comments; maybe it can dispel my darkness.
My struggle to make a living also extends to the minutes I have outside of construction work (a mention that alone makes many people only read this far). It's not about how much I earn, but about the time I spend there. I sell my time for money to live, and in return, the little time I have left I fight to change my reality and make a living with content, texts, videos in other niches, different personas for each niche. I've created websites, and I've also abandoned them because I couldn't keep them updated. I've never been able to reconcile construction work with the consistency that algorithms demand...
I'll summarize it for you because nobody deserves to read this whole lament: the word is ANHEDONIA. It's when we no longer feel pleasure in things we used to, when nothing makes sense anymore and everything makes sense at the same time, and you can't tell if something is good or bad, if it's going or staying, if it's going up or down, if it's black or white, if it's bitter or sweet. In fact, when you have ANHEDONIA, nothing makes sense anymore, you do everything automatically, and I... I'm feeling this way because of my work in construction (although as I write this, I feel myself detaching myself a little from the ANHEDONIA). Maybe that's why I couldn't answer whether I should have dinner or go to sleep, because it doesn't matter anymore... dinner, sleep, wake up... it's all the same.
When our lives operate on autopilot for a long time, this somewhat pathological feeling (if it can be called that) is born, and time in the mind becomes compromised. Everything seems to pass slowly, even though it passes faster, precisely because the news feed is infinite, the options for games, food, all kinds of content are infinite in this liquid society, and this makes time slip through our fingers like water. What you wanted to do, when done, no longer has the same meaning, the same weight, the same value, precisely because everything, even human relationships, are liquid, always in rotation.
Certainties have ended, or should never have existed, for us to get to this point and end up with this thing called ANHEDONIA. I want to tell you that it was this feeling that gave me this momentary inspiration to write this text, and I vividly notice that at this moment as I write I am emerging from ANHEDONIA, but as everything is fluid, how long can an inspiration last, a piece of content that is good today and not tomorrow anymore...?
This is just a vain philosophy of someone who needs to get out of this ANHEDONIA; there is no medical diagnosis, it's just what I feel, spoken by myself.
If you've made it this far, thank you very much.
