Smart, funny @Sugarfix issued a challenge a few days back, to see how ridiculous a product review one can get away with getting posted, for real and true.

I'm a sucker, and all out of post ideas rn (hey! My state is one of the ones on FIRE, and smoke particulates make me certifiably stupid). A challenge of low bar proportions is exactly what I needed.

The victim? Amazon, of course!

The product in question? A benign, bland yoga mat. Specifically, this one:

And here's what I submitted:

This is, indeed, a yoga mat. It's constructed of authentic, organic yoga mat materials, harvested, as we know, in Free Tibet for the naturally weird stickiness and feet fragrance.
It's thicker than a slice of genoa salami, not that I've ever seen or tasted genoa salami -- I mean, I do yoga! -- but thinner than the typical waiver packet required for ashram spa getaways. When rolled up, though, it's too fat to shop at Lululemon, so YMMV.
I got it in blue to match my aura. I would have preferred indigo, but it doesn't seem to be available.
I haven't used it yet, but it works a treat to drip dry my Spanx. Feeling really good this time about enlightenment. 2020 is my year.

I'll keep ya posted, if it posts. 🤣